How to Write a Eulogy for Your Son In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

It is brutal and beautiful at the same time. You are asked to put a life into words while your chest still feels like a tight fist. You want to be honest and respectful. You want to make the family feel seen and the room feel a little lighter. This guide breaks the whole thing down into clear steps, provides adaptable templates you can use today, and gives delivery tips for when tears show up mid sentence.

This guide is written for people who do not have time to overthink but care deeply. Expect plain talk, specific examples, and real templates you can steal and tweak. We will define the key terms so nothing feels like secret ritual. We will also give multiple sample eulogies for different family dynamics: short and formal, warm and funny, deeply personal, and one for complicated or estranged relationships. Use the examples as scaffolding. Replace the bracketed parts with your specific details and you are good to go.

What a Eulogy Is and Why It Matters

First things first. A eulogy is a short speech that celebrates the life of the person who has died. It is not the same as an obituary. An obituary is a written notice usually published in a newspaper or online that lists facts like name, age, date of death, and funeral details. A eulogy is spoken at a funeral, memorial service, or wake. A celebrant or officiant is the person leading the service. If someone says officiant and you are not sure, it means the same thing as celebrant in most non denominational contexts. The eulogy is your chance to shape how people remember him in that room.

Why give one as a family member or in law? Because words stitch grief into story. A good eulogy gives people permission to laugh and cry together. It names the things that mattered about him. It can say thank you out loud to the people he loved and to the people who loved him. It can be short and honest and still do the heavy job of memory making.

Who Should Give the Eulogy for a Son In Law

There is no hard rule. Spouses, parents, siblings, children, and close friends often give eulogies. As parents in law you might choose to speak for the family. You might also invite your child to speak. If your relationship with the son in law was close, you may be the perfect person to tell the room who he was to you and to your family.

If the family prefers multiple short speakers, coordinate so you do not repeat stories. If someone else will deliver the main eulogy, consider offering a short reading, a memory, or a thank you message. The goal is coherence. Think of the eulogy as one chapter in a small book of memories shared at the service.

How Long Should a Eulogy Be

Two to seven minutes is a good target. That usually equals 250 to 900 spoken words depending on your pace. Shorter is okay. People are exhausted at funerals. Three to five minutes gives enough room for a meaningful story and a final line that lands. If you are nervous about crying, shorter is perfectly fine. A compact, honest speech will resonate more than a long, rambling one.

Core Structure of a Strong Eulogy

Use a simple, repeatable structure. You do not need to be fancy. The structure below keeps your words focused and emotionally steady.

• Opening Introduce who you are and your relationship to him. This orients listeners who may not know you.
• One or two defining traits Pick two traits that capture him. Give a specific story or example for each trait.
• Meaningful memory Share a concrete memory that shows his humor, kindness, stubbornness, or whatever made him him.
• What he taught you Say one or two lessons or gifts he left the family with.
• Thanks and acknowledgement Thank caregivers, friends, and your child if appropriate. Acknowledge the grief in the room.
• Closing End with a short, memorable line or a quote that fits his life. Invite a moment of silence or a specific action like lighting a candle.

Tone Guidelines

Match the tone to who he was and the family vibe. If he loved to laugh, include a light, tasteful joke. If the family is religious, a brief scripture or prayer may feel right. If the loss is raw and complicated, honest simplicity is better than forced cheerfulness.

Always avoid the trap of trying to sum up a whole life. Pick a few truths and tell them well. People will fill in the rest from their own memories.

Language That Works

Use short sentences. Use sensory details. Replace abstract words like caring or kind with a specific action that proves the trait. For example say he fixed everyone’s bikes on a Saturday morning. That is more vivid than saying he was generous.

Explain any terms the room might not know. If you mention a hobby like fly fishing, one line about why he loved it gives access to people who never saw him cast a line.

What to Include and What to Skip

Include:

• Full name and nickname if people knew it
• How you knew him
• Two or three short stories that show character
• Simple achievements or passions
• A line to the spouse and children acknowledging their grief

Skip:

• Long medical histories or gory details
• Private family drama that will cause harm if repeated
• Overlong lists of accomplishments that read like a resume
• Anything you cannot say with love in the room

Practical Steps to Write the Eulogy

1. Brain dump Spend 20 minutes writing every memory and trait that comes to mind. Do not edit.
2. Pick themes Read the list and circle two to three recurring themes or traits.
3. Choose one memory per theme Choose short, specific stories that illustrate each trait.
4. Write a rough draft Follow the core structure. Keep sentences short and specific.
5. Edit for time Read aloud and time yourself. Trim anything that does not add new emotion or information.
6. Practice Read it two or three times into your phone or in front of a trusted friend. Save yourself in the final hour by having a clean printed copy with large text and some note cards with cues.

Delivery Tips

Stand where people can see you. Hold the paper with both hands if that steadies you. Breathe between paragraphs. Speed slows when you are nervous. Consciously slow down. Pause for a beat after a funny or meaningful line to let the room react. Eye contact helps but it is okay to look down at your notes if you need to steady yourself.

If you cry, pause, breathe, and continue. The room accepts tears as the language of grief. You do not need to apologize for them.

When You Are Estranged or the Relationship Was Complicated

Not every relationship is neat. If you were estranged from your son in law keep it simple and truthful. You can focus on positive things that are true without pretending everything was perfect. A few options:

• Honor the role he played in your child’s life and the love he gave them. Keep it short and sincere.
• Speak about the ways his life touched others or specific acts of kindness you witnessed.
• If it is too painful to speak, ask someone else to read a short prepared statement from you. That is a valid choice.

Honesty can be gentle. You do not have to rewrite history. You only need to offer what you can offer truthfully in the room.

Using Humor in a Eulogy

Humor can be a relief if it was an authentic part of his personality. Keep jokes short and kind. Avoid sarcasm or anything that could be misunderstood. A small laugh can break tension and make the grief feel less isolating.

If you are unsure if a line will land, skip it. It is safer to let someone else remember the bigger laugh later during sharing time or the repasts.

Religious and Cultural Considerations

Check with the family about religious traditions, prayers, or readings. Some faiths have strict orders for a service. A celebrant or clergy person can advise on how to incorporate a eulogy without disrupting ritual. If the service is secular, you have more freedom to mix stories, poems, and music.

If you include scripture, identify the passage and where it comes from. If you include a poem or song lyric, make sure you have permission when required and give credit to the poet or songwriter.

Words and Phrases That Work Well

Try lines like these as building blocks. Replace bracketed text with specifics.

• [Full name], whom we called [nickname], loved Saturday mornings with his coffee and his toolbox.
• He had a way of making you feel like the most important person in the room when he listened.
• One thing I will never forget is the time he [concrete memory]. It shows who he was at his best.
• He taught us that small acts of kindness matter more than big words.
• We will miss his laugh, his stubbornness, and the way he knew exactly which burger joint to pick for celebrations.

Sample Eulogies You Can Use and Adapt

Short and Simple Template Approx 2 minutes

Use this when you are asked to say a few words or when you want to keep it brief.

[Start]

Hello everyone. My name is [your name]. I am [relationship], [son in law's name] was my [son in law].

He had a laugh that could wake the whole neighborhood. He loved [one passion], and he always did it with that quiet concentration we will miss. One time he [short, specific story]. It sums up how he lived: focused, kind, and funny.

We are all better for having known him. Thank you to everyone who cared for him and stood by [spouse name]. We love you and we will hold him with us.

Goodbye, [nickname].

Warm and Funny Template Approx 4 minutes

This one suits a son in law who loved jokes and family chaos.

[Start]

Hi. I am [your name], [relationship]. My first memory of [son in law] was the day he crashed the family barbecue and somehow left with more friends than plates. He walked in with a ridiculous hat and walked out with a new set of in laws who adored him instantly.

He was the kind of person who could fix a leaking sink and also fix a bad mood. I recall the time he tried to teach us all to [hobby or skill]. It did not go well except for one thing. He laughed the whole way through and made us laugh too. That was his superpower.

To [spouse name], thank you for loving him so fiercely. To his friends, thank you for every wild adventure and quiet conversation. To our family, he chose us and we chose him back.

He taught us to take life less seriously and to always have extra batteries. We will miss him, but we will remember him by telling his stories and laughing like he taught us to.

Rest easy, [nickname].

Deeply Personal Template with a Longer Story Approx 6 minutes

Use this when you have a meaningful story that illustrates a life lesson.

[Start]

My name is [your name]. I am [relationship]. I want to tell you a story that shows who [son in law] really was.

Three years ago, [brief setup]. On that day something happened that revealed his character. He [concrete action]. At the time it seemed like a small thing, but later we realized it was who he was: someone who noticed when people were tired and who would stay up late making sure the kids had clean clothes for school the next day.

He loved [passion], but what mattered most to him was being present. He showed up at every recital, every awkward parent teacher meeting, and every small emergency. That is the legacy he leaves. It is not his job title or his hobby. It is the way he showed up.

To [spouse name] and the kids, thank you for letting us into his life. We promise to keep showing up for you the way he would have wanted.

Thank you, [nickname]. We will carry you forward in all the small things you taught us.

For a Son In Law Who Died Young or Unexpectedly Approx 3 minutes

Keep language honest. Name the shock. Give permission for raw feelings.

[Start]

My name is [your name]. None of us expected to be here so soon. [Name] left us far too early. That truth is hard and simple and it hurts.

He packed a lot of bright life into a short time. He loved [list two passions], and he loved [spouse name] with a fierce loyalty. I remember when he [specific, lively memory]. It felt big then and it feels even bigger now because it shows how much life he lived in every day.

We do not have answers, only memories. We have the way he made the family laugh and the way he made his kids feel safe. Those memories matter. Let us hold them close and not rush to make sense of the senseless.

We love you, [nickname].

Short Closing Lines You Can Use

Pick one of these for the final sentence. Keep it short so it can land.

• We will keep your laugh with us always.
• Thank you for choosing our family.
• Rest easy. You did right by the people you loved.
• Your kindness was louder than any words.
• We will see you in the stories we tell tonight.

How to Edit Your Eulogy for Time and Clarity

Read your draft out loud once and time it. Remove any paragraph that repeats a point. If two stories show the same trait, keep the stronger one. If a sentence needs a name or a place to make sense, add it. If it needs a reason, delete it. The job of editing is to leave only what helps the room remember him more clearly.

What to Do the Day of the Service

• Bring a printed copy in large font and a backup on your phone or a second copy.
• Wear something comfortable that still respects the family tone.
• Arrive early, meet the officiant, and confirm the order of service.
• If you think you will cry, consider asking someone to cue you or to stand with you near the front.
• Have a glass of water nearby. Take slow breaths before you step up.

Using Readings, Quotes, and Music

Poetry, song lyrics, and short readings can anchor a eulogy. If you use a song lyric, mention the artist and the song. If you use a short reading, name the author. Short is better. A single two line quote can be more powerful than a long poem read in full.

Examples of short quotes that often fit well:

• "To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." This is a paraphrase of a line credited to Thomas Campbell. Use it as a closing thought.
• "Grief is the price we pay for love." This paraphrase is often attributed to Queen Elizabeth II quote variations. Use it when you want to name why grief feels so big.

Handling Logistics and Permissions

If the service is being recorded or live streamed, know whether the family wants that shared publicly. If you are using published text, check copyright rules for longer passages. The funeral home or celebrant can help with permissions and order of service details.

After the Eulogy

People will come to you afterwards with hugs, tears, and stories. Be ready for that. You may not have energy for long conversations. It is okay to step aside and answer questions later.

Helpful Terms Defined

We promised definitions. Here they are in plain language.

• Eulogy A short speech at a funeral that honors and remembers the person who died.
• Obituary A written notice of death that lists basic facts and funeral details.
• Celebrant The person leading a non religious service. Also called an officiant in some places.
• Pallbearer A person who helps carry the coffin. Not everyone asked to speak will also be a pallbearer.
• Order of service The schedule of what will happen during the funeral or memorial. It lists music, readings, speakers, and rituals.
• Repast A gathering after the funeral where people eat and share memories. Also called a reception.

Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

• Trying to summarize everything Pick a few truths instead. A few vivid stories are more memorable than a long life timeline.
• Over editing into perfection If you get stuck trying to make it literary you may lose the voice that mattered. Speak how you would speak to family at the kitchen table.
• Using inside jokes nobody else gets Keep references accessible. If a joke needs explanation, skip it.
• Failing to coordinate If other family members will speak plan briefly to avoid repeating the same story.

FAQs

How long should a eulogy for a son in law be?

Two to seven minutes is a helpful range. Aim for three to five minutes if you are unsure. Shorter speeches land just fine. A clear, honest three minute speech will be remembered more than a rambling ten minute one.

What if I cannot stop crying while speaking?

Pause, take a breath, and continue when you can. If you need a moment, step aside and ask someone to finish reading a prepared paragraph for you. The room will understand. Bring a printed copy so someone else can read if needed.

Can I use humor in a eulogy?

Yes, if it was part of his life and if the humor is gentle. A short, affectionate joke that the family would appreciate can lift the room. Avoid sarcastic or divisive jokes.

What if I was estranged from him?

Keep it brief and honest. Focus on positive, verifiable things if you can. If it feels impossible to speak, ask someone to read a written statement from you or offer a short note of sympathy that can be included in the order of service.

Should I read a poem or a song lyric?

Short poems and lines from songs can be powerful. Name the author or songwriter. Check copyright for long passages. One or two lines often work best as a closing thought.