How to Write a Eulogy for Your Father In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

This is the place where you learn how to say the right things when the room is full of people who loved him and your knees feel like jelly. Writing a eulogy for your father in law is heavy work and it is an honor. You get to shape the story the family tells about him. You get to stitch together a life into sentences that land, that make people laugh without feeling wrong, and that let grief breathe.

This guide gives you structure, real examples you can adapt, and practical tips for delivery. We explain jargon so nothing surprises you. We give templates you can copy and paste. We keep it real for people who prefer plain talk over florid funeral speak. If you are a millennial who wants to be thoughtful and honest without sounding stiff, you are in the right place.

Quick definitions so you do not get blindsided

• Eulogy A speech at a funeral or memorial that focuses on the life, character, and legacy of the person who died.
• Obituary A published notice of death that usually includes basic biographical facts and funeral arrangements. An obituary is not the same as a eulogy.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. Could be a clergy person, a celebrant, or a family member.
• Visitation A time before the funeral where friends and family can see the body, offer condolences, and share memories.
• Wake Traditionally a gathering held before burial where people stay with the body. Today it often means any informal memorial gathering.
• Pallbearer A person who carries the casket. This is a role with emotional and logistical weight. It is okay to decline if you need to preserve your composure.
• Cremation The process of reducing a body to ashes. If this is the plan, the tone of the eulogy can still be the same. Keep mentioning cremation only if it matters to the story or to the family wishes.

How long should a eulogy for your father in law be

There is no single rule. Aim for three to seven minutes. Three minutes can feel powerful and focused. Seven minutes gives you space for a short story, a few memories, and a closing thought. If you are asked to speak as part of a longer program, or if the family wants many people to speak, keep it closer to three minutes. If you are the main speaker and there will be fewer tributes, a longer five to seven minute delivery is perfectly fine.

Who should write the eulogy

You. Or you and your spouse together. Or the closest family member who feels able. If you are the person chosen to speak, accept the task only if you feel you can do it. If the thought of public speaking is disabling for you in the moment, suggest co writing it with someone else and have them deliver it. It is fine to be honest about capacity. People prefer a real voice over perfection.

How to start writing a eulogy for your father in law

If you feel stuck, use this simple three step blueprint to begin.

1. Collect facts Gather basic facts you will need. Full name, nicknames, birth year, places he lived, jobs he held, service details, and surviving family members. These are the anchors. Keep the list private if family prefers.
2. Gather memories Ask three people for one memory each. Text messages are fine. The best memories are small images that reveal personality like a pair of socks that always disappeared, a backyard ritual, a signature meal, or a mean but affectionate nickname.
3. Pick one theme Choose a single idea to thread through the speech. Examples: steady kindness, stubborn curiosity, terrible jokes that everyone loved, or a life lived outdoors. This theme helps you avoid the scatter shot of listing everything he did.

Eulogy structure that actually works

A simple structure keeps the listener grounded. Here is a reliable three part arc to follow.

• Opening Introduce yourself and your relationship to him. Offer a small, clear line that sets the tone. Example I am his son in law and I want to tell you the one thing I always saw in him.
• Middle Share two to three short stories that illustrate the theme. Use concrete details. Keep each story under a minute when you speak it. Vary the emotion. Mix a funny moment with a tender one and if appropriate a moment of difficulty that he helped navigate.
• Closing End with a short summing line, a wish, or a direct statement to him. Example Go well Dad. We will keep your laugh with us. Or quote a short line he loved. Finish with thanks to the room or to the family for listening.

How to pick the tone

Tone matters. Think about the man, the culture of the family, and what would make them feel seen. Some father in laws were jokers who would have wanted a light roast. Others were reserved and would have preferred quiet gratitude. If you are not sure, aim for warm honesty with a touch of lightness. A small joke is fine if it is kind. Avoid anything that could humiliate or reopen old wounds. You can be candid without airing family fights in public. If there were complex issues in the relationship, consider acknowledging complexity in a gentle way rather than adding raw detail that shocks the room.

What to write when you have very little to say

Not everyone has a dramatic archive of stories and that is okay. If you do not have many memories, you can still write a meaningful eulogy by focusing on observation, gratitude, and a single example.

• Say what you admired. Small traits count. Consistency, how he listened, how he kept the lawn perfect, how he called every Sunday.
• Use a single image. The way he hung his hat. The bowl where he kept spare change. The playlist he always had on.
• Bring in someone else. Read a short quote from his child, spouse, or close friend. This lets others speak through you.

Language tips so your words land

• Use specific nouns and active verbs. Say he brewed coffee at 5 a m instead of he was always helpful.
• Short sentences are OK. They read better when emotions are high. Do not reach for fancy words. Speak like you when you are calm.
• Skip long lists. A checklist of accomplishments is flat. Choose one or two that matter and tell a story about them.
• Be honest about emotion. If you need a pause to gather yourself that is fine. People will wait.

How to handle humor

Humor can be a relief that honors the person. The rules for using it well are simple.

• Keep jokes short and relevant. A quick anecdote that shows his goofy side is better than a roast.
• Make sure jokes land on shared knowledge. If people in the room do not know the setup, it will fall flat.
• Avoid jokes about sensitive topics like illness, addiction, or conflicts that were painful to others.

Practical delivery tips

Delivery matters as much as content. Prepare to speak with intention.

• Print your speech on paper with large type. Phones can be unreliable and batteries die. Printed pages can be easier to handle when emotions are high.
• Practice out loud at least three times. Time your reading so you know where three to seven minutes feels like. Practice with pauses for laughter or tears.
• Bring a backup. Give a copy to the officiant or to a family member in case you cannot finish.
• Use simple cues in your script. Write Pause where you want a breath. Write Smile where you want the tone to soften.
• When you speak, breathe. Take a full breath at the start of each paragraph. Slow down. Slowing down helps the audience keep up and lets your voice be steadier.

What to avoid saying

• Long apologies like I am sorry if I say the wrong thing. Just speak. People expect emotion.
• Inside family arguments in detail. Public eulogies are not the place for airing grievances.
• Cliches without context. Phrases like he was a great guy are fine if you follow with an example that proves it.

How to honor faith and culture

If the family follows religious or cultural traditions, follow their lead. Ask the officiant what is expected. If you plan to quote religious text, do so with respect and verify the exact wording. If the service will include rituals like prayers, hymns, or a moment of silence, place your tribute where the family wants it. If you are unsure, ask the spouse or the deceased child for guidance.

When the father in law was complicated

Life is messy. Many people have complicated relationships with a father in law. You can still deliver a respectful eulogy that acknowledges complexity without being dishonest.

• Focus on growth. Example He showed up in ways I did not expect and I learned to see him differently over time.
• Opt for nuance not secrets. You do not need to recount conflicts. You can say he had his contradictions and then give a concrete, humanizing moment.
• If needed, ask family if they prefer silence or a short reading. Sometimes the best tribute is a shared moment of gratitude rather than a long speech.

Sample eulogies you can adapt

Below are multiple example eulogies with different tones and lengths. Each example includes a short explanation and bracketed places where you should insert personal details.

Three minute warm and straightforward example

Use this when you want short and honest.

Hello. I am [Your Name]. I am [his son in law or daughter in law]. I want to say thank you for being here to honor [Full Name].

[Full Name] had a way of making the smallest things matter. He woke before dawn to make coffee and he always left his garden bench in the same spot. Those small routines felt ordinary until you realized they were how he showed up. He showed love in habits.

I remember one Saturday when the wind knocked over my car mirror and I was flustered. He came over with a roll of duct tape and told me it would teach me to park better next time. He did not say please in a way that demanded anything. He just offered help and then a story about how he once fixed a tractor with nothing but patience.

We will miss his steady hands and his laugh. We will miss the way he called Sunday dinners an appointment you could not miss. Thank you Dad for the small lessons that added up to a life that made ours better. We will keep you with us in the mornings when we make coffee and in corners of our yard where the light sits the way you liked it. Thank you.

Five minute story driven example for a man who loved the outdoors

This one uses two stories and a closing line you can customize.

Hi everyone. I am [Your Name], [his son in law]. If you knew [First Name] you knew two things about him. He loved the outdoors and he loved the people he took outdoors with him.

The first time I went fishing with him I barely knew which end of the rod to hold. He showed me how to tie a knot and then told me not to forget to bring a sandwich because hunger spoils patience. We did not catch much that day but he taught me how to sit quietly in a place until it mattered that you were there. That patience has shown up in how I parent and how I love my partner.

The second story is simpler and smaller. Last summer he taught our daughter to skip stones. He sat on the dock and let her try a dozen times until she could make a sound like a small drum. When she finally did it he whooped like a kid at a baseball game. The joy on his face that day was nothing complicated. It was pure pride.

Those moments sum him up for me. He taught us how to notice. He taught us how to pass a skill along and then stand back and watch someone else do it. That is a quiet kind of generosity that lives long after the person is gone. Rest easy. You passed on the best parts of yourself. Thank you.

Seven minute tender and slightly funny example for a man known for jokes

Use this when you can hold a longer emotional arc and some light roasting fits the room.

Hello. I am [Your Name], his son in law. I promised I would not steal his best jokes but I will tell you two small truths that prove how funny he was. First truth, he thought every pun was a work of art. Second truth, he thought correcting a barbecue technique was a public service.

[Full Name] loved to make people laugh but it was not about applause. He used humor to take the edge off serious moments. At my wedding he told an old joke about marriage being like a deck of cards. Most of us laughed but then he added the line you want spades and hearts, not clubs and diamonds and somehow that made us all look at our partners and laugh again in relief.

When he was sick he still wanted to know what TV show you were into. He asked the same question a dozen times and he turned it into a game where you had to explain the plot again and again until he decided it was worth his time. He taught us to keep loving the small things even when life felt heavy.

We will miss his puns and we will miss his insistence that the grill be at exactly the right temperature. We will remember how he made ordinary days brighter. Thank you for every laugh. We will try to keep your jokes alive and maybe improve them slightly. Thank you.

A short secular reading if you prefer not to speak from personal memory

Use this if someone asks you to read and you prefer a neutral tone.

[Full Name] lived with purpose. He worked, he loved, and he left a trail of small kindnesses that changed ordinary days into remembered ones. We hold those moments now. We keep them as a way to honor the life that meant so much to us. Thank you for being part of his story.

Fill in the blank templates

Copy these and replace bracket items with your details. Keep them short for services that need many speakers.

Template A quick and simple

Hello my name is [Your Name]. I am [his son in law]. [First Name] taught me [short lesson]. One memory I will always carry is [specific image]. We are thankful for the time we had with him. Thank you.

Template B for a heartfelt five minute version

Good morning. I am [Your Name] and I married [Child Name], [First Name] son. In the years I knew him he taught me three small things that changed how I live. First he taught me [lesson 1 with example]. Second he taught me [lesson 2 with example]. Third he taught me [lesson 3 with example]. Those three pieces are how I remember him. He was simple and generous and when the sun hit the porch in the way he liked we all knew it was his moment. Thank you for listening and for honoring him with us.

How to include your spouse in the eulogy

If your partner wants to co deliver the eulogy that can be powerful. Decide who reads which parts. You can alternate paragraphs or have one person speak while the other stands beside them. Practice together. If your partner cannot speak because of grief you can read a short note they wrote and say that this paragraph was theirs. People in the room will accept whatever format you choose. The goal is to honor the person not to be performative.

Accessibility and technical details

If the service will be livestreamed, speak a bit slower than normal. Technical latency can make audio cut. If there will be captions check with the team providing the stream to verify any names or places that might be spelled incorrectly. Announce any special pronunciations in your notes. If you will rely on notes do not read every line word for word. Keep eye contact when you can. Looking at the crowd occasionally helps them feel included.

What to do if you break down while speaking

It happens. Have a short plan.

• Pause and take a breath. The room will wait.
• Hand the speech to the officiant if you cannot continue. They will finish for you.
• Ask for a minute. People will give it. Some listeners even offer quiet applause when you return and that can help.

Legal or formal things to confirm before speaking

Confirm the order of speakers with the family or the officiant. Make sure there are no family wishes about what to say or not to say. Verify any photo montage or music that will play so you do not accidentally step on a moment. If you will include copyrighted song lyrics keep them short or read the idea instead. Most venues are fine with short quotes but if content is being recorded for a commercial release you may need permissions. For typical family memorials this is not an issue, but checking is wise if you suspect the recording could become public content.

Editing checklist before you print your speech

1. Did you state your name and relationship early?
2. Is there a clear theme that ties the anecdotes together?
3. Are your stories specific and short?
4. Have you removed private family matters that others might find hurtful?
5. Is the length within the requested time?
6. Do you have a printed copy and at least one backup copy?

How to end the eulogy

End with a short line that lands. Examples you can adapt.

• Go well. We will keep your laugh with us.
• Thank you for everything. We will remember and pass it on.
• Rest with the peace you earned. We will see you in the small things you loved.

Frequently asked questions for quick reference

Do I have to write a eulogy if I am not close to him

No. If you are asked and do not feel close or able, offer a short reading or a few sentences of thanks. Honesty about distance is acceptable. The family may prefer that you speak anyway to represent a part of his life. If you accept, keep it brief and sincere.

Can a non family member give a eulogy

Yes. A friend, a neighbor, or a coworker can deliver a eulogy if the family agrees. The important thing is permission and alignment with the family tone.

Is it OK to read a poem instead of a eulogy

Yes. Poems are an excellent way to honor someone. You can read a poem and then say one or two personal lines. The combination feels complete.

Should I mention the cause of death

Only if the family wants it mentioned. Many families choose not to disclose cause of death in a public service. Ask before you speak about it.

What if I need to write something quickly

Use the three step blueprint. Collect facts, ask three people for a single memory each, and pick one theme. Write three short paragraphs using the templates above and practice once. Keep it focused and honest. People will feel the care even in a short piece.