How to Write a Eulogy for Your Family Friend - Eulogy Examples & Tips

You were asked to speak because you mattered to them and they mattered to your family. That is the truth that will steady you. A eulogy is a small lived tribute that helps people remember who the person was and how they made life better. It does not need to be perfect. It needs to be honest, specific, and kind. This guide from Eulogy Assistant gives everything you need to write and deliver a meaningful eulogy for a family friend. You will find clear structure advice, real examples you can borrow, fill in the blank templates, delivery tips, and answers to the awkward questions people always have.

What a Eulogy Is and Why It Matters

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service to honor someone who has died. It is not a biography in full. It is a selected telling. You pick the moments that explain why this person mattered and how they touched the people in the room. The act of naming those moments helps grieving people remember the good and make sense of loss.

Key functions of a eulogy

• It celebrates the person rather than listing dates and logistics.
• It gives the community permission to feel, laugh, cry, and remember.
• It creates memory anchors that survive beyond the service.

We will explain common funeral terms as they come up. If you see an acronym or a term you don’t know we will define it so you do not need to guess.

Quick Checklist Before You Start Writing

• Confirm the order of service with the funeral home or family contact. Ask whether you speak at the funeral, the memorial, or a celebration of life. A funeral is usually tied to burial. A memorial is a service with or without the body present. A celebration of life is often informal and focused on personal stories.
• Ask about time limits. Typical eulogies are three to seven minutes. That is about 400 to 900 words when read at a steady pace.
• Check whether audio or video will be used. Confirm a microphone will be available and whether you should bring a printed copy.
• Ask the family if there are topics to avoid. Respect boundaries about private health details or family disputes.
• Decide whether others will speak before or after you so you do not repeat stories unnecessarily.

Who Usually Gives a Eulogy

There is no fixed rule. Common speakers include a spouse, partner, adult child, sibling, or close friend. A family friend may be asked because they shared a special relationship that family members find meaningful. If you are not sure whether you should accept the invitation, say yes and ask what the family expects. The request itself is a sign of trust.

Structure That Works Every Time

A simple structure keeps your message clear. Use this as your skeleton and add the details that feel true to your relationship.

• Open with who you are and your relationship to the person.
• Anchor with a short overall statement about the person. This is the theme or the single sentence that captures them.
• Tell two or three stories that illustrate the theme. Each story should be short and sensory. Show do not tell.
• Name qualities by listing traits and small examples.
• Express gratitude and what you will miss.
• Close with a final image, a short reading, a quote, or an invitation to the audience to remember or act.

Why three stories

Three is a human scale. One story feels thin. Five stories can feel long. Two to three gives variety and rhythm. Each story should land in 60 to 120 words so you stay in the typical time window. If you do one long story instead, make sure it has a clear arc and a payoff.

How to Choose Tone

Tone is the mood of the speech. A eulogy can be funny, calm, sorrowful, sarcastic, or a mix. Match the tone to the person and the family. If your friend loved jokes, gentle humor can be a gift. If the recent weeks have been raw, straightforward tenderness is often safest. Always avoid humor that punches down or makes the family uncomfortable. Self aware, human humor works best. When in doubt aim for warmth with honest details.

Writing Tips Step by Step

1. Start with the theme sentence

Write one sentence that sums up the person for you. Keep it plain. Example: They were the person who made the small things feel like gifts. That sentence will guide story selection and the closing line.

2. Free write memories for ten minutes

Set a timer for ten minutes and write every memory you can. Do not edit. Include details like phrases they said often, the coffee mug they favored, the way they drove, the nickname only a few people used. This dump gives your material for the stories and traits list.

3. Pick two or three memories that demonstrate different qualities

Choose stories that show range. Maybe one memory is funny, another shows loyalty, and another shows quiet generosity. Make sure each story has a beginning middle and end. Keep them short.

4. Use sensory detail

Replace generic statements with sensory detail. Instead of saying they were kind, say they kept a stack of concert tickets in their wallet to pass to a friend who forgot to buy one. Instead of saying they loved to cook, say the garlic butter smell always appeared on the weekend and the dog learned to sit on command by the sound of the pan.

5. Keep language conversational

Write like you speak. If a line feels stiff read it aloud and tweak it. Use contractions when natural. Avoid overly formal or religious phrases unless they reflect the person or the family.

6. Craft a strong close

End with an image or a direct address to the person. You can invite the audience to take a moment of silence, to tell a story after the service, or to carry forward a habit the person loved. The final line should be easy to remember.

Practical Length and Word Count

Most eulogies last three to seven minutes. At a normal reading pace of about 120 to 150 words per minute that equals approximately 360 to 1,050 words. If you write more cut back. People can feel overloaded during grief. A shorter, well chosen talk will be more memorable than a long ramble.

What to Include and What to Avoid

Include

• Specific stories that reveal character.
• Their favorite rituals or codes.
• Moments they helped others or taught a lesson.
• A moment of gratitude on behalf of family and friends.
• A clear closing so people know you are finished.

Avoid

• Private family drama unless the family says it is okay to share.
• Graphic medical details about the death.
• Long lists of achievements with no story attached.
• Jokes that could be misread by grieving relatives.
• Excessive deflection that avoids grief entirely. People came to mourn and remember.

Using Humor in a Eulogy

Humor can bring relief and also reveal truth. If you plan to use humor do it as a genuine detail not as a shield. Self aware jokes about your own nervousness work well. For example you can say I wrote too much and then fold the paper. The room gets the joke and your nervousness becomes a human moment. Never make the deceased the punch line. Instead show how their humor lived in the world.

Examples You Can Use or Adapt

The examples below are written in a warm, candid voice that fits many families. Use them as templates. Replace bracketed parts with your own details. Each example includes a short template you can fill in.

Example 1: The Neighbor Who Was Family

Context: This friend lived across the street and became a daily part of family life. They helped with emergencies, showed up for birthdays, and knew every family member by name.

When this family thinks of Margaret they say neighbors not neighbors like in the old stories. Margaret kept a jar of spare batteries and a roll of duct tape in her hall closet like a public service station. When the power went out at three in the morning she was the one at the end of the driveway with tea in thermoses and a crooked smile that said everything will be okay. The children learned how to wrap presents from the way she folded corners. She loved the sound of a lawnmower at six in the morning because it meant someone was awake and alive. Once when my bike chain threw itself into a tantrum she walked me home and gave me a sandwich like it was normal to treat a Tuesday with such care. Margaret taught everyone in this neighborhood that small acts are the backbone of friendship. We will miss her practical jokes and her cookies that never lasted long enough to be counted. Thank you Margaret for making a street feel like a home.

Template

[Who you are] My name is [Name] and I live [relationship to family or location]. [Opening sentence that captures theme]. [Short story showing a daily habit]. [Small sensory detail]. [Another short story showing kindness]. [What you will miss]. [Closing line addressed to the person or audience].

Example 2: The Parent Figure Who Was Not Related

Context: This friend acted as an aunt or uncle to you. They offered advice, discipline, and a pantry full of secret snacks.

Uncle Raul was the one who taught me how to fix a leaky faucet and how to apologize without making it a lecture. He had a laugh that bubbled up like soda and a way of saying your heart is bigger than your mistakes. When I failed my first job interview he took me to the diner and ordered pancakes as if they could be a solution to the universe. He also had rules. No phones at the table meant you were present for debate and for forgiveness. I remember his hands stained with engine grease and the careful way he mended a kid sized baseball glove. Raul did not have children of his own but the neighborhood knew whose kid to call when someone needed to learn how to change a tire or how to be brave. He left instructions on being human in small deeds. We will honor him by practicing the same simple generosity and by laughing loud when life feels too serious.

Template

[Name and relationship]. [Short descriptive sentence that sets the tone]. [One memory that shows mentorship or parental role]. [Another memory that shows a rule or habit]. [What they taught you]. [One image of how to remember them].

Example 3: The Friend Who Lived Loud and True

Context: This friend was the life of the party but also the call you got at midnight when the world felt off. They had strong opinions and a soft heart.

Sam colored outside the lines and then framed the splatters. He collected mismatched socks like trophies and insisted our road trip playlists be seventy percent protest songs and thirty percent guilty pleasure. Sam said what everyone else only thought and then handed you a tissue when your voice cracked. One summer he took an old mattress to the lake and declared it a floating couch because he believed in unconventional comforts. The loudness was a shield sometimes and an invitation other times. Sam taught us how to be uncompromising in our tastes and gentle in our failures. Today we do not only grieve his absence. We also celebrate the fierce permission he gave us to be a little unapologetic about who we are.

Template

[Name], [one striking image]. [Short list of traits or rituals]. [A brief story that shows contrast]. [What that contrast taught people]. [A direct invitation to remember them].

Example 4: The Quiet Friend Who Listened More Than They Spoke

Context: This friend was the person everyone sought out for grounding. They offered a calm presence and practical help.

Jules listened like it was homework and then gave the simplest advice that somehow solved the complicated stuff. If you visited Jules she would make tea and then press a single leaf between your fingers to smell. She had a way of asking what you needed before you knew yourself. When a storm came through the neighborhood Jules was the one leaving flashlights on porches and checking drains. You knew where you stood with Jules because she showed up. There is a kind of loudness that comes from showing up often. Jules was loud in that steady way. That is how I will remember her. When you cannot find words say her name and then make a cup of tea for someone who needs it.

Template

[Name and one calming image]. [A short story showing presence]. [A concrete habit that demonstrates care]. [What presence taught you]. [A short actionable remembrance].

Fill in the Blank Template You Can Use Now

Use this template to build a 4 to 5 minute eulogy. Replace bracketed text with your details and keep sentences short and plain.

My name is [Your Name]. I am a [friend neighbor coworker] of [Deceased Name]. I first met [Name] when [short memory]. Right away I noticed [short quality or habit].

[Story one 60 to 120 words showing a defining trait and ending with an image].

[Story two 60 to 120 words showing how they helped someone or a funny incident].

[Story three or a list of traits with quick examples].

What I will miss most is [short sincere line]. I want to thank [family member or group] for [something they did for the deceased]. If you want to remember [Name] today call a friend tell a small story and laugh if you can. [Final address to the deceased or the audience].

Delivery Tips That Actually Help

Practice out loud and time yourself

Read your eulogy out loud into your phone and play it back. Practice until you can read it at a steady pace. If you cry while practicing that is not a problem. It shows the words are honest. You do not need to aim for emotionless delivery. You need it to be clear and reachable.

Bring printed notes

Do not rely on memory. Bring a printed copy with large font. If you prefer index cards that is fine. Use one idea per card. If you cry put the card down breathe and look up. People in the room will understand.

Microphone and tech check

Ask whether a lapel or handheld microphone is available. If so do a quick test. Speak into the mic at normal volume. If no mic is available project from your diaphragm but do not shout. The audience wants to hear you not be startled by you. If you are outdoors check wind that might rustle paper and plan accordingly.

Breathing and pace

Take a breath at the end of sentences rather than in the middle. Pause after a story to let it land. Short pauses give people time to feel and to laugh. You do not need to rush. Slowing down makes emotion manageable.

Handling tears

If you start to cry it is okay to pause. Take a slow breath and sip water. Say I need a moment if you need to. If you cannot continue ask a family member to finish reading a paragraph or to hand you a tissue. The room is not judgmental. It is kind.

Legal and Practical Considerations

Copyright and readings

If you plan to read a poem or song lyrics check copyright rules. Many modern poems and most song lyrics are under copyright. That means you might need permission to print them in a program or to include them in a recorded service. A short public reading at a private funeral often falls into common practice but if the service will be filmed and distributed you may need permission. Ask the funeral home to advise you if you are unsure.

Obituary and details

An obituary is the public notice of a death that often includes service details. A eulogy is the personal speech at the service. If you are giving both coordinate with the family so that names, dates, and surviving family members are correct.

Use of social media

If the family intends to post the service online confirm whether any parts of your speech should be edited for public posting. Sometimes families prefer to keep certain moments private. Respect those wishes.

Writing Prompts to Get Unstuck

• Write five small objects that make you think of them. Pick one and tell the story behind it.
• Write the one sentence you would say if you had only thirty seconds. Expand that sentence into three stories.
• List three words your friends would use to describe them. For each word write a short example that proves it.
• Write one memory that makes you laugh and one that makes you cry. Use both to show range.

Common Questions People Ask

Can I use humor in a eulogy

Yes if it feels authentic and respectful. Use humor to reveal character or to ease pain. Avoid sarcasm that might hurt family members who are processing grief. Self aware humor about your own nerves is always safe and human.

What if I do not feel like I can speak

It is okay to decline. Offer instead to write a short note for the program or to record a memory that someone else can read. If you want to speak but fear crying practice with a friend and consider sharing the job with another speaker.

How long should a eulogy be

Three to seven minutes is typical. Aim for clarity rather than length. If you have ten minutes that is fine but make it tight. If you have only one minute pick one memory and a final sentence.

What if family members disagree with what I say

Check limits before you speak. If a topic is sensitive ask the family in advance. Focus on memories that unify. If a complex truth must be said think about timing and wording. Funerals are not trials. They are chances to remember and to be kind.

Examples of Opening Lines You Can Steal

• My name is [Name] and [Deceased] was the friend who taught me how to laugh at bad puns and still show up on bad days.
• I met [Name] at [place] and left with a lifelong rulebook that was mostly written in jokes and kindness.
• [Name] never believed in wasting Sundays. They believed in long dinners and messy hugs.

How to Close Your Eulogy With Power

End with a simple image, request, or call to action. Invite the audience to share a memory after the service, to plant a tree, or to make one small change that honors the person. Short final lines land hard. Examples:

• So today, when you pass the bakery buy the last muffin and think of [Name]. That is enough.
• We are all better for knowing her. Let us make kindness a little louder in her honor.
• [Name], thank you for teaching us how to be brave in small ways. We will try to keep practicing.

FAQ

What should I do if I forget my lines?

Stop breathe and look up. People in the room will likely offer a smile or a silence. If needed ask for a moment or ask a family member to read the next paragraph. You can also read from your notes until you feel steady again.

Is it okay to read a poem instead of speaking a personal eulogy?

Yes. Poems can be powerful and safe. Choose a poem that the family likes and that suits the tone. If you read a poem make sure to credit the author and check copyright rules for public distribution if that is planned.

Should I give copies of the eulogy to the family?

It can be a kind gesture. Offer the family a copy. They might want to keep it for memory books or to post in a program. Ask if they want it before the service or after.

Resources and Next Steps

When you finish your draft do these three things

1. Read it aloud and time it. Trim any repetitive lines.
2. Share with one trusted family member or friend for a quick check on tone and accuracy.
3. Print a clean copy in large type and bring extra copies for the service.

You do not need to be a professional writer to write something that matters. You need honesty, a few good stories, and the courage to share them. The people in the room will be grateful you spoke from the heart.