How to Write a Eulogy for Your Cousin - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for your cousin feels impossible and necessary at the same time. You are walking a tightrope between grief and the need to say something honest. You want to honor them without turning the service into a biography read from a phone. You want to be human, not a polished actor. This guide from Eulogy Assistant gives you real, usable templates, smart structure, and delivery tips that do not sound like a funeral home brochure. Think of this as a toolkit for saying the things that matter in a way people will remember.

Every part of this article explains terms that might feel new. If I use an acronym or a funeral industry word I will define it so you know what it means and how to use it. You will get short examples for different cousin relationships. You will also get three ready to adapt eulogies so you can stop staring at a blank page and start shaping memory instead.

What Is a Eulogy and What Is It Not

A eulogy is a short speech that honors someone who has died. It is usually delivered at a funeral, memorial service, visitation or celebration of life. A funeral is a formal ceremony that often follows a religious or cultural ritual. A memorial service might be held after cremation or burial and can be less formal. A celebration of life leans into stories music and personality rather than ritual. All of these are places where a eulogy can live.

A eulogy is not a court transcript. It does not need to catalogue every job or award. It does not need to be endlessly polite. You can be raw and funny and tender in the same speech. The goal is to make listeners feel like they were with your cousin in their best moments. That is what people remember far more than a list of dates.

Before You Start Writing

Take a breath. You do not have to write the perfect thing in one sitting. Use these quick logistical checks before you draft.

• Confirm the format Ask the family or the officiant what kind of service is planned. Is it a religious service? If so which faith or denomination matters because there may be a time limit or a structure to respect. If it is secular or a celebration of life you might have more room to be conversational.
• Ask about time Typical eulogies run between three and seven minutes. Three minutes is about 400 to 500 spoken words. Seven minutes is roughly 900 to 1,000 words. Shorter is better when you are nervous. People expect emotion. They do not expect a TED talk.
• Check for co speakers Find out if other family members will also speak. Coordinate so you are not telling the exact same story twice. Agree who will cover what theme or chapter of your cousin life.
• Collect quick facts Jot down basic facts like full name nicknames place of birth jobs major hobbies and the names of close family and friends. These are anchors that make the speech feel grounded.

How to Structure a Eulogy That Works

Structure gives you permission to be imperfect. If you follow a simple outline you will avoid rambling and you will give your listeners something they can follow. Think of the speech like a photo album with three pages.

1. Opening and Context

Start with who you are and why you were chosen to speak. Keep this one or two lines. Example: I am Alex and I am their cousin. Say how you knew them. This orients people and gives permission for personal voice.

Follow with a short frame that signals what this will be. Example: I am not here to summarize a life. I am here to tell you a few things that show who Sam really was. That line sets expectation and feels honest.

2. Memory Middle

This is the heart of the eulogy. Pick three concise stories or themes. Three is a useful number. It keeps the speech focused and gives you memory points for the audience. Each story should show something about your cousin character rather than list facts. Use sensory detail where possible. Show an image of a kitchen table a pair of hands a favorite jacket. One sentence can conjure an entire scene.

3. Close with Meaning or Call to Action

End with why these stories matter. You can express what you learned what others can take forward or offer a short invitation to remember them in a specific way. Example: If you want to honor Maya call the friend who always answered at three in the morning and ask them to share a quick story. That turns grief into connection.

Writing Tips That Keep It Genuine

• Write how you speak Use the same words you would use when telling a story to a friend. Formal language can create distance when the goal is closeness.
• One theme per story If a story tries to prove three points it will feel busy. Let each anecdote reveal one trait like generosity stubbornness or humor.
• Keep sentences short Short sentences are easier to deliver and easier for people to follow while they are emotional.
• Use concrete detail Replace abstract adjectives with images and actions. Instead of saying they were kind say they carried casseroles to every new neighbor for a decade. Concrete detail is memorable.
• Allow awkward pauses Pauses are not a sign of failure. A long breath or a held note gives emotion room. Mark places in your script where you can pause for effect.

Helpful Phrases and Grief Language

Sometimes we look for the right words and they do not come. Here are phrases you can adapt if you are stuck.

• We all knew Jamie as the person who would show up with coffee and a plan.
• One thing I learned from them was how to laugh at myself and keep going.
• The world felt a little more honest when they were in it.
• If you want to remember them, call someone who loved them and tell a quick story.

Words like bereavement mean the state of being sad after a death. An officiant is the person leading the service. An obituary is a public notice often published in a newspaper or online that includes a brief summary of the deceased life and funeral arrangements. You do not need to use these words in your speech but understanding them helps when you coordinate with others.

How to Choose Stories That Land

Pick stories that reveal character. Try these prompts to find them.

• What is a moment that made you laugh unexpectedly because of them?
• What do you remember about how they treated people who could not do anything for them?
• Is there a small object that always made you think of them?
• What was one thing they believed strongly about life even if it was slightly annoying?

Once you choose a story use sensory detail. Where were you? What did you see hear or smell? Who else was there? What did they do that was surprising? Keep the story concise and end with why that moment mattered. That is the emotional payoff.

Examples by Cousin Type

Below are short scenarios and example lines you can adapt. Treat these as templates not scripts you must follow. Put your voice in every sentence.

Older Cousin Who Was a Mentor

Scenario: They showed you how to change a tire and how to speak up in a room where you felt small. They were steady not flashy.

Example lines

My cousin Marcus taught me how to fix a flat tire and how to ask for a seat at the table. I remember the first time I went to him with a problem and he said two words that changed the way I handled everything. He said listen first. That is the kind of humility he lived with. He never needed to be loud to be heard.

Partner in Crime Cousin

Scenario: You grew up together doing ridiculous things. They made ordinary days feel like an adventure.

Example lines

When we were twelve we built a raft that lasted about ten seconds in Mrs. Carters pond. They jumped in anyway and when I froze they gave me a look that said either swim or laugh. We laughed. I think they wanted everyone to know life could be ridiculous and worth it at the same time.

Cousin Who Died Young

Scenario: The death feels unfair. The focus is not on wrapping up a life but on pointing to who they were in the short time they had.

Example lines

Avery did not get to collect a long list of achievements and that hurts. What they did collect were fierce friendships midnight text chains and a habit of bringing extra snacks to any gathering. In the time they had they made people feel chosen. That choice is their legacy.

Distant Cousin You Reconnected With

Scenario: Maybe you reconnected later in life and formed a new relationship. This speech can be about discovery and surprise.

Example lines

I only met Nora again a few years ago at our family reunion and I came away with the weird gift of realizing how much I had missed. In three conversations she told me about three books and one terrible recipe. She taught me that family ties can be rediscovered and that you can be surprised by how much you care.

Religious Cousin

Scenario: The family expects a faith grounded message. Ask the officiant if you should include scripture or a prayer. If you are not comfortable leading prayer be honest and ask someone else to close with a prayer.

Example lines

For those who knew Kristen through church you know she had a way of turning scripture into everyday advice. She used to joke that faith was like a coffee mug you kept returning to because the warmth felt right. That warmth is what she gave without asking for anything back.

Three Ready To Use Eulogies

The following scripts are written so you can adapt names details and small moments. Each one is built to fit a particular tone. Use them as a base and add two short personal details to make them yours.

Short Eulogy Example - Roughly Three Minutes

Hi everyone. I am Casey and I am their cousin. I want to say thank you for being here for Jamie and for each other. My relationship with Jamie started with a bad idea and a gas station sandwich. We both thought we could drive to a beach we had never been to and we forgot the map. Instead of getting angry Jamie saw the situation as an opportunity for a detour. We ended up at a small pier watching the ocean and sharing a sandwich that tasted better because it was ridiculous. That was Jamie. They turned mistakes into stories and strangers into friends. If you want to honor them think about one small ridiculous thing you can do this week and tell someone about it. Jamie would want you to laugh and to tell the story. Thank you.

Medium Eulogy Example - Roughly Five Minutes

Hello everyone. I am Pri and I am their cousin. I hesitated to speak because none of us can make sense of this. I am not here to explain why something like this happens. I am here to talk about the difference they made. Marcus had three rules for how to be in the world. Rule number one was show up. He would arrive at a party early and leave when the last person needed a ride. Rule number two was give it away. Marcus would bake cookies then give them to people who looked tired. Rule number three was apologize fast. He knew being right mattered less than being present. One afternoon he taught me how to change a tire and then he sat with me while I cried over a breakup and he made a playlist that lasted a week. Those two things are not equal by societal standards but for me they were both lessons in generosity. When you leave today consider calling someone who always showed up for you and tell them a small thank you story. Marcus trusted people with his time and his trust was repaid in the small everyday way that matters more than accolades. I will miss him and I will try to live closer to his rules. Thanks.

Long Eulogy Example - Roughly Seven to Eight Minutes

Good morning. I am Jordan and I am their cousin. I want to begin with a small honesty. I wrote this thinking about the first time we snuck into an old movie theater and the smell of popcorn after midnight. It is a small memory but it helps me understand the person we are honoring. My cousin Riley loved textures. We are talking textures of life clothes books jokes and relationships. They would sit with a sweater and tell you why the weave felt like a memory and then move to a story about their first job at an ice cream shop where they learned how to scoop a perfect cone under pressure. Riley collected imperfect moments and made them feel curated. They had empathy for people who struggled and impatience for excuses. When my dad got sick Riley took over the small tasks that do not make the highlight reel. They organized a schedule and checked in and made time for jokes that did not cure anything but made hospital rooms feel less clinical. The world sees that kind of work as ordinary until it is missing. We are feeling that missing now. One of my favorite Riley stories is short. We were at a barbecue and someone put on a song everyone pretended not to love. Riley stood up and danced like nobody was watching and by the second chorus half the yard had joined. That is the way they moved through life. They did not just attend moments they amplified them. If we want to honor Riley we could amplify someone else today. Volunteer time send a text or tell a silly story. Keep the textures around. I will miss Riley every time a song comes on and someone starts to dance. Thank you for being here.

How to Edit Your Eulogy

Once you have a draft run the following checklist. Treat it like a quick quality control pass.

• Time it Read it aloud at conversation speed and time yourself. Cut if needed. Aim for three to seven minutes unless you were told otherwise.
• Remove private medical details Unless the family asked you to include specifics about cause of death, avoid graphic or intimate medical detail. Focus on life not the process of dying unless it is central to the story and the family consents.
• Check for family sensitivities If you mention past conflicts or complicated relationships ask one trusted family member if what you will say is okay. You can be honest and also respectful.
• Mark your pause spots Add bracketed notes like pause or breathe so you can control pacing even when emotions run high.
• Print a readable copy Use large font and double space so you can find your place even if you are shaking.

Delivery Tips That Keep You Human

• Practice out loud Read your eulogy three to five times aloud. Practice helps footnotes like where to breathe and where to slow down.
• Bring water A small bottle in your hand is fine. Sipping gives you a moment to reset.
• Use note cards Do not memorize unless you want to. Note cards with short prompts are easier to navigate than a full page. Number them in case they fall.
• Accept emotion If you cry pause and breathe. The room will lean in. You do not need to apologize. If you cannot continue ask someone you have prearranged to finish for you. That is completely okay.
• Speak slowly Grief makes people rush. Slowing down helps others follow and gives you control.
• Look at people not the floor Brief glances at faces help you connect. If direct eye contact feels impossible look above the crowd or at the back wall then return to a single friendly face during each paragraph.

What to Avoid Saying

There are things that sound fine in private but can land poorly in a public speech. Avoid these common traps.

• Treating grief like a competition by comparing losses.
• Revealing sensitive personal details about the deceased or other family members without consent.
• Trying to be funny in a way that belittles the person or makes others uncomfortable. Humor is okay but keep it generous not mean.
• Over explaining cause of death or dwelling on medical specifics unless the family asked for transparency.

How to Use Humor Respectfully

Humor can be a lifeline when used with care. Use these rules.

• Make the joke about the person not at their expense. A self deprecating aside about your own awkwardness is safer than a joke that plays on a loved one weakness.
• Keep it brief. One light moment can lift the room. Four jokes can feel like avoidance.
• Test the joke on a trusted friend or family member if you are unsure.

Practical Notes About Recording and Publishing

Someone might ask to record the eulogy or publish it online. Here are quick rules.

• If you are okay with recording say yes. A recording can be comforting for people who cannot attend.
• If you prefer not to be recorded tell the officiant privately and provide a printed copy for them to read if needed.
• If the family requests the eulogy be posted on an obituary page or social media ask if they want edits before publishing. Respect family wishes about privacy.

When You Are Not Ready to Speak

If the idea of delivering a eulogy feels impossible you can still participate. Options include asking a family member or friend to read your words for you or recording a short audio message that will be played during the service. You can also write a letter that will be passed around or included in the program. The form matters less than the content.

Sample Opening Lines You Can Borrow

• I am their cousin and I loved them messy and complicated and every way in between.
• It is an honor to speak about someone who taught us how to be bolder and softer at the same time.
• When I think of them I always think of one small thing and if you remember nothing else please remember this.

How to End a Eulogy

An ending can be a direct call to memory a blessing a short poem or a simple thank you. Here are examples you can adapt.

• Thank you for being here and for carrying their story forward.
• May we honor their memory by being kinder to the people around us starting today.
• Rest easy. You have been loved and you will be remembered in the small everyday ways that matter most.

Common Questions People Ask

How long should my eulogy be

A good target is three to seven minutes. If you were given a hard limit by the officiant stick to it. Shorter speeches that are honest land better than long speeches that try to cover everything.

Can I read someone else poem or scripture

Yes. If you choose to include a poem or scripture mention why it mattered to your cousin. Read only a short excerpt unless you were told otherwise. This keeps the focus on the person not the passage content alone.

What if I start crying and cannot continue

Pause and breathe. If you cannot continue ask someone ahead of time to be on standby to finish reading your script. Most venues and officiants know how to handle this and they will be supportive.

Should I mention the cause of death

Only if the family has agreed. For some families sharing cause is part of reducing stigma for others. For other families it is private. When in doubt ask a close family member before speaking about it publicly.

Editing Checklist

1. Read aloud and time your speech.
2. Remove any private details that the family did not approve to share.
3. Replace abstract statements with one concrete detail per paragraph.
4. Mark your pause points and breaths.
5. Print a readable copy and prepare note cards if needed.

Action Plan You Can Use Right Now

1. Write one sentence that states the heart of your message. Keep it simple.
2. Choose three stories or images that prove that sentence. Each story gets one paragraph.
3. Write an opening line that states who you are and why you are speaking.
4. Write a closing line that asks people to remember one thing or to act in a small way to honor the deceased.
5. Read aloud three times, time it and make two edits to shorten or clarify. Print it large and mark pause spots.