How to Write a Eulogy for Your Client - Eulogy Examples & Tips

You were hired to help a family speak for someone they cannot speak for anymore. That feels heavy and important. You are not just writing words. You are shaping memory. You are helping people make meaning. This guide gives you a clear, step by step process for writing a eulogy for a client along with real examples you can adapt into a template. It covers tone, structure, practical questions, and what to do when relationships are complicated.

This guide is written for funeral directors celebrants and writers who want a fast usable method that still respects grief and personality. You will find clarifications for common terms and acronyms and several eulogy templates you can copy paste and customize. Use these to save time and to give families a voice that feels honest and human.

What is a eulogy and who asks for one

A eulogy is a short speech that honors the life of a person who has died. It is often delivered during a funeral memorial or celebration of life. The purpose is to remember the person by telling stories highlighting values and to offer comfort and connection for those who mourn. A client may ask you to write a eulogy if they do not feel able to speak for themselves if close family members are unavailable or if the family wants a professional voice to shape and deliver the tribute.

Quick term list

• Eulogy A spoken tribute that tells who the person was and why they mattered.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. This could be a clergy member a celebrant or a funeral director.
• Visitation A private or public time before the service for family and friends to see the body or to gather informally.
• Wake An informal gathering of friends and family often held before the funeral.
• Pallbearer Someone who carries the casket.
• Cremation The process of reducing the body to ashes if that is the chosen disposition.
• Obituary A written public notice of the death which often includes a short biography and funeral details.

How to prepare before you write

Preparation separates a good eulogy from a generic one. Take time to collect facts stories and permission.

Gather factual details

• Full name and any nicknames
• Age and birth date
• Surviving family members and predeceased close family
• Occupation or main life roles such as parent partner friend volunteer or artist
• Dates and locations for funeral visitation and service

These small facts anchor the speech and prevent awkward errors. Double check spellings and relationships. If you get a name wrong in a eulogy you damage trust and cause pain.

Collect memories and stories

Ask the family for two to five short stories that show the person in action. Give prompts so they do not freeze up.

• Tell me one ridiculous habit they had.
• What did they love to cook or to eat.
• Describe a moment when they surprised you.
• What small thing would make them laugh.
• If you imagine them as a character in a movie who would they be and why.

Collecting specific sensory detail helps the voice feel real. If the family struggles you can talk to coworkers friends neighbors or the person who handled their pet care.

Clarify the tone and any boundaries

Ask direct questions about tone and boundaries. Families sometimes want humor. Sometimes they want solemnity. Sometimes they want candor about illness or addiction. Get clear permission for the level of honesty. If there are legal issues ask if the family wants certain topics left out. Put those limits in writing so you can avoid saying the wrong thing.

Structure that works every time

Use a simple three part structure that listeners can follow. Opening memory then heart then closing line. Keep the length between three and seven minutes unless the family asks for something shorter or longer.

Opening two to three lines

Start with a quick human fact then a short memory or image that sets the tone. Avoid long preambles like announcing your name. If an introduction is required keep it concise. Anchor the opening with a moment that feels like the person.

Opening examples

• "We knew her as Mimi but at home she was Margaret with a sink full of dishes and a radio on low."
• "When I first met Jamal he was balancing a toddler and a pizza box and still making time to tell a terrible joke."
• "I am honored to speak for Nora. She would tell you to stop crying and to have another slice of cake."

Middle two to five minutes

This is the core of the eulogy. Use three to five short stories that reveal character values or a life arc. Each story should be one to three short paragraphs long with a line that connects it to who they were. Avoid listing achievements with no personal color. Show the person in small scenes.

Memory selection guide

• Choose stories that are sensory and specific
• Vary them so the audience hears work family hobby and personality
• Include one slightly surprising detail to keep the audience engaged
• If the family wants humor place a light joke between heavier moments to ease the room

Closing one minute

Finish with a statement that sums up who the person was or what they left behind. Offer gratitude or a call for action like a tradition to continue a donation or a charitable gesture. End with a simple line that will sit in people memory. Keep it brief and calm.

Closing examples

• "If you want to remember Maria today cook her soup and let strangers in."
• "We will carry his laugh with us whenever we pass the corner bakery."
• "Rest well. Fight less. Call your mother and tell her you love her."

Voice tone and timing

Match tone to the life you are honoring and the family preference. The same person can be remembered with humor and depth. When in doubt err on clarity and kindness.

Timing rules

• Three to seven minutes is the typical sweet spot
• Less than three minutes may feel rushed unless intentionally short
• More than seven minutes risks losing attention unless you are sharing a long sequence of unique voices and stories

Use short sentences and natural conversational rhythm. Read the words out loud while drafting. If a line trips in your mouth rewrite it. You will be delivering the piece for real people not for a print essay.

How to handle complicated relationships

Not every life is a clean heartwarming story. Many clients want a truthful account that includes hard parts. You can be honest without being cruel. Ask the family what they want acknowledged. Offer options for framing difficult material.

Strategies for truth with care

• Use third person to create distance when referencing hard behavior
• Frame difficult chapters as part of a larger human story
• Choose one truthful detail rather than enumerating every problem
• Offer a moment of learning or forgiveness if the family wants that

Example phrasing for complicated relationships

• "He was stubborn in ways that made him difficult and fiercely loyal in ways that saved lives."
• "Her struggle with illness was part of her story. She fought and she taught us how to ask for help."
• "There were times she hurt us. There were also times she showed up when it mattered most. We carry both facts forward."

Using humor without derailing grief

Humor in a eulogy can be a gift when it comes from love and when it lands naturally. Avoid sarcasm that punches down. Use self deprecating lines if you feel them and if the family approves. A single well placed laugh can release tension and help people breathe.

Examples of safe humor

• "If you follow her GPS you will be late but you will see the best bakery in town."
• "He was the only man I knew who could burn water and still reorder dinner."
• "She collected mugs like they were small boats and every shelf became a harbor."

Quotes poems and scripture

Quotes can anchor a eulogy if they reflect the person. Use short quotes and attribute them properly. If a client requests a religious passage make sure you confirm the faith preference and the exact version of any scripture. When in doubt choose a short line from a poem or a lyric that the family actually used or referenced.

Examples

• Poem line: "I carry your heart with me I carry it in my heart" from a well known poem
• Scripture: A single verse such as Psalm 23 line one can be comforting for some families
• Lyric: A short lyric the person loved can work if you confirm music publishing rules for printed programs

Practical delivery tips for the speaker

If you will be reading the eulogy for the client or coaching a family speaker follow these practical steps.

• Print the speech in large readable type and double space so the eye can breathe
• Mark breaths and pause points with a small dot or bracket so you can rest when needed
• Practice out loud three to five times before the service and once in the venue if possible
• If you expect tears practice through them and plan exactly where to pause and collect yourself
• Bring water and tissues on stage and arrange a stool if the speaker may need it

If the person speaking is likely to break down coach them to keep one hand on the paper and to look at the audience between paragraphs rather than reading every line without lifting their head. Encourage them to speak slowly. Slower is better in grief.

Legal and ethical considerations

When writing for a client you are handling private life details. Maintain confidentiality and get permission to include any medical legal or sensitive personal information. If a family asks you to state the cause of death confirm that they are both willing and that you are not breaching any privacy rules or potential legal issues.

Keep clear written agreements with clients about scope and fees and about who owns the text. If you are delivering the speech make it explicit who has the right to use it later such as for publication or printing in a program.

Eulogy templates you can use and adapt

Use these templates as scaffolding. Replace bracketed text with specifics. Keep sentences short and conversational. Read them out loud before you give them to anyone.

Template 1: For a parent

[Name] was born on [date] in [place]. But at home she was simply Mom. She made the ordinary feel like a ritual. Sunday mornings were for pancakes and the smell of coffee that could wake the dead. She taught us to fix what broke and to say sorry first. She loved [hobby] with a stubborn joy that made us all try harder. The last time I saw her she waved like she had a secret and then told a story about a stray cat she adopted. We will miss her hands her laugh and her habit of leaving notes in the laundry. If you want to honor her today bring a jar of confection she loved or share a small story with someone who needs it.

Template 2: For a partner or spouse

[Name] is the person who made ordinary nights feel sacred. We met at [place] and in a week I learned that [quirk or habit]. He loved to [hobby] and he loved me with a quiet that held storms at bay. He showed me how to forgive and also how to keep laughing when the lights went out. Our life together was not perfect but it was ours and I will carry his way of greeting the morning with me. Today I ask you to raise a glass to small mercies and to call someone you love after this service.

Template 3: For a friend

[Name] had a laugh you could hear from two rooms away. They collected stories like stamps and gave them away like presents. We met in [context] and we became the kind of friends who stayed up until the sun felt embarrassed. They loved [interest] and could talk about it for hours without running out of enthusiasm. If you want to remember them today think of the last ridiculous text you sent or the cup of coffee you shared and tell someone else that story.

Template 4: For a colleague or public figure

[Name] led with curiosity and with a stubborn refusal to accept easy answers. Their colleagues will remember the way they asked questions that forced better work and better care. They mentored young people and never pretended to know everything. Outside the office they loved [hobby] and they fought for fairness in small steady ways. We are grateful for their work and for the example of steady decency they left behind.

Template 5: Short secular option

[Name] lived with a generosity that made neighbors feel safer. They preferred a loud sandwich to a small apology. They loved their dogs their plants and their terrible puns. We grieve them today but we also promise to be braver in their memory. If you cannot speak today please write a note and leave it at the table by the photo.

Examples you can adapt

These are slightly longer samples you can use as a base. They are written to be read aloud and to sound like an actual conversation.

Example A: For a beloved teacher

Good afternoon. My name is [Name] and I taught with [Teacher Name] for fifteen years. When I think of [Teacher Name] the first image I see is a hallway full of half finished projects and a student with a paint streak on their cheek. She taught us that mess is part of learning and that mistakes are draftwork not verdicts. She told terrible jokes and she made the best lasagna. Students would leave class with crooked smiles and new questions. She believed in late night grading because she believed in people. We will miss her lesson plans but we will keep the lesson of patience. If you are a former student text one of your old classmates today and tell them exactly what you remember."

Example B: For a person with a complicated life

My name is [Name] and I loved [Person]. It is hard to stand here and make sense of a life that includes both kindness and hurt. The easiest truth to tell is that they made us laugh on bad days and that they could be stubborn in ways that made life messy. They loved Sunday markets and they loved to dance badly in the kitchen. They also struggled and sometimes that struggle hurt the people who loved them most. Today we do not erase the hard parts. We accept them and we choose to hold the memory of their laughter and their small tenderness. In honoring them we promise to look out for one another a little more closely."

Editing checklist before you finalize

Run this checklist to avoid common mistakes.

• Spell check all names
• Confirm dates and places with at least one family member
• Keep the text between three and seven minutes unless the family requests otherwise
• Remove any inside jokes that the audience will not understand
• Replace abstractions like "she was kind" with a short concrete example
• Read out loud and time your speech
• Get final approval from the family in writing before printing programs

What to do the day of the service

Arrive early and check the setup. Confirm microphones and seating arrangements. If you will hand the speaker the printed speech make sure it is the final version. If you are delivering the eulogy ask where you should stand and whether they want the name announced or the officiant to do that part. Keep a calm presence. People notice steady energy and it helps.

Pricing and scope as a professional

If you charge for writing or delivering a eulogy set expectations up front. Clarify whether your fee covers interviews edits and the in person delivery. Offer a clear turn around time and a rush fee for urgent requests. Consider offering a basic template package a premium custom writing package and a delivery option. Always provide a short agreement that lists the deliverables and any rights to the text.

Accessibility and alternative formats

Offer to provide a printed copy in large print and to send a digital file for family members who could not attend. If the family wants to record the service ask permission to record and to provide a copy. Some families appreciate a short written version for social media or for programs. Offer to edit a short printed paragraph for the program and a longer spoken text for the service.

Sample FAQ for families you can include in your client packet

Give families a short FAQ so they feel guided.

• How long should a eulogy be Three to seven minutes is standard. If you want a collection of voices we can plan a longer program.
• Can we include humor Yes if the family agrees. Humor can help the room breathe when used with care.
• Will you help if I cannot speak Yes. We can write and deliver the eulogy or coach you to deliver it yourself.
• What if I want to leave out the cause of death We will follow your lead and will not disclose sensitive details without your approval.