How to Write a Eulogy for Your Brother In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

You were asked to speak about your brother in law and the idea of standing up in front of everyone feels heavy and weird. That is normal. This guide will help you plan, write, and deliver a eulogy that sounds like you and honors who he was. We give clear structure options, relatable example scripts you can adapt, and real world tips to calm the part of you that wants to run and hide.

Everything here is written for people who want to be honest and memorable without sounding stiff. We will explain terms like eulogy and obituary so you know the difference. We will offer templates for different relationships and different vibes. You will find exact lines you can borrow, plus notes on delivery and how to handle crying, awkward moments, and things you do not need to say.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech that reflects on a life. It is not a complete biography. A eulogy highlights the parts of a person that mattered to the people in the room and the ways that person affected the world around them. A eulogy can be formal or casual. It can include stories, jokes, poems, or a favorite lyric. The goal is to give people a way to remember and to feel less alone.

Related term notes

• Obituary This is a written notice of death often published in newspapers or online. An obituary lists facts like the date of death, funeral arrangements, and survivors. A eulogy is different because it is a speech about what the person meant.
• Celebration of life This is a type of gathering that may be less formal than a funeral. People often use the phrase when the desire is to remember good stories and to skip religious ritual. The style of your eulogy can change to match the tone of the event.
• Pallbearer This is a person who carries the casket. If you are asked to be a pallbearer you might also be expected to speak, but not always.

First thing to decide

Before writing, confirm the basic facts from the person who asked you to speak. Ask these simple questions in a text or call. Keep it short and direct. People are grieving and appreciate clarity.

• How long should I speak? A typical request is three to five minutes but some families want five to eight minutes or a little longer.
• Where will I speak? At the funeral home, at the graveside, or at a separate gathering like a reception or celebration of life.
• Is there a preferred tone? Some families want humor included. Others want a more solemn approach. Ask what the family thinks he would have wanted.
• Will others speak before or after me? That helps you avoid repeating the same stories.
• Is there a specific reading, prayer, or ritual that should be included?

Gather material like a journalist

Good eulogies depend on specifics. Stories are what people remember. Do a few quick interviews with family or friends and ask simple prompts. Use your phone to record answers if people agree. You are collecting raw material not building the speech yet.

Interview prompts you can use

• What is your favorite memory with him
• What is one thing he could not live without
• What was his worst bad joke and how did he deliver it
• What is one thing people misunderstood about him
• What does his laugh sound like and when did it show up

Save three to five short stories and a few single images. An image might be a worn baseball glove, the way he always left a light on, or a nickname that stuck. Those concrete details let listeners imagine rather than being told how to feel.

Choose a structure you can finish

Structure gives you permission to stop editing. Pick one of the three simple shapes below based on how much time you have and how well you know him.

Structure A: Short and direct for three to five minutes

• Opening line that states who you are and your relationship to him
• One honest memory that shows character
• A few traits summed up in plain words
• One closing message to the family and one line goodbye

Structure B: A little room for story for five to eight minutes

• Opening with a brief anecdote or image
• Two short stories that reveal different sides of his personality
• A brief reflection on what those stories add up to
• Optional quote or lyric he liked
• Closing line of thanks and farewell

Structure C: Full narrative for eight to twelve minutes

• Short introduction
• Three or four stories across different periods of his life
• Quotes or readings interwoven
• Reflection on the impact of his life and what the family can do to honor him
• Final personal goodbye

How long should you speak

If the family did not tell you, aim for five minutes. Five minutes is long enough to tell two strong stories and to land a message. It is short enough to keep attention and to avoid repeating what others will say. If you really want to say more ask the organizer first.

Opening lines that work

The first sentence matters because it sets the tone. You do not need a grand literary line. You need clarity and connection. Start by stating who you are and your relationship. Then add a short hook that makes people lean forward.

Opening line examples you can adapt

• Hello, I am Jamie. I married Sarah and have known David as my brother in law for seven years.
• Good afternoon. I am Alex. I want to tell you about the way Mark used to fix things with chewing gum and a joke.
• My name is Priya and I called him Uncle Sam even though he was younger than me. He had a laugh that could start a small riot in a quiet room.

Start with a concrete image or a small surprising fact to give the audience a place to enter the story.

What to include in the body

Your central job is to show who he was rather than to list facts. Use three kinds of material and mix them.

• Stories Short scenes where he is doing something. The more sensory the image the better.
• Traits One sentence descriptions like he was stubborn in a kind way, or he hated wasting food, or he loved classic cars.
• Impact Explain briefly how he changed a person or a room. This can be practical like he taught me how to change a tire or emotional like he always made people feel included.

Example of layering: Tell a story about him teaching you to grill. After the story add a one sentence trait about his patience. Then end that paragraph with how that patience became a small family ritual on Sundays. That gives the anecdote meaning.

Where to use humor

Humor is a powerful tool when it is kind and true. It can cut through gloom and let people breathe. Use humor if it fits his personality and if the family is okay with it. Avoid jokes that hurt or that make a funeral into a roast. Self deprecating lines about your own awkwardness are usually safe.

Funny line examples

• He would fix anything with duct tape and optimism. We called that version of engineering permanent.
• He loved his barbecue so much he named his grill. The grill is the only thing I have seen him argue with and lose.
• When he danced he looked like he was trying to escape mid air traffic control. We loved him anyway.

Using quotes poems or song lyrics

Short readings can be beautiful. If you use a song lyric be sure you have permission if the event will be recorded and shared widely. For many families a short line from a poem or a piece of scripture gives a shape to grief and a shared language. Keep it brief. One to three lines is enough.

How to introduce a quote

• Say who or where it is from. For example say This was a line he loved from the writer Maya Angelou.
• Explain why it matters to him in one sentence.
• Read it slowly and leave a beat before you continue.

Closing lines that land

The close of the eulogy is like the last frame of a movie. You want people to leave with one clear idea or image. Summarize the lesson he taught or the feeling he left behind. Thank the family for listening if that feels right. Say goodbye in a way that feels personal.

Closing examples

• He taught us to find humor in small things. I promise to try and make him proud by doing just that every Sunday.
• We will carry his generosity forward. If you do not know how call any of us and we will invite you over and feed you until you feel better.
• Goodbye Aaron. Keep the music loud and the barbecue hotter than it needs to be.

Practical tips for delivery

Delivery matters as much as the words. Here are pragmatic moves you can use to feel steadier and to make the words land.

• Print the speech on paper in a large font and mark pauses with a simple bracket or blank line.
• Use short paragraphs. Long blocks of text make it hard to find your place if you look down.
• Breathe. Pause before important lines to give the audience time to hear you.
• If you expect tears, bring tissues and pause if you need to. The room will understand.
• Microphone check. If there is a microphone practice with it so you know how loudly to speak.
• Bring a backup. Email the text to yourself or give a copy to the family organizer in case you drop your notes.
• Practice aloud at least three times. Practicing with a friend who will give honest feedback is even better.

How to handle crying while speaking

If you choke up mid sentence that is okay. Pause. Breathe. Look at a friendly face in the front. Say a simple line like I am sorry. I will try again. The honesty will be received as strength not weakness. You can also have a short sentence ready to use as a bridge while you compose yourself. Example: I did not plan for this but the truth is the same. He made all our lives better.

What not to say

There are things that sound like they belong in a eulogy but that tend to land poorly. Avoid these unless you know they are exactly right.

• Do not recount the medical details. People usually know the basics and the funeral is not the place for clinical reports.
• Avoid comparing grief. Lines like At least he lived a long life do not help anyone feel seen.
• Do not use the moment for family politics or to settle old scores.
• Avoid cliched platitudes that erase complexity. Instead of saying He is in a better place try to say we will miss him and we will keep his memory alive.

Exact eulogy templates and example scripts

Below are ready to use example scripts. Treat them like templates rather than finished products. Swap names, change small details, and adjust tone to fit your family. Each example is followed by short notes explaining why certain choices were made and how you can adapt them.

Example 1: Short and sweet for three to five minutes

Hello. My name is Morgan and I am his brother in law. I want to say thank you to everyone for being here. I met Tom at a family barbecue and I remember being worried he would judge my terrible potato salad. Instead he showed up with two extra plates and a smile. That was Tom. He loved to make sure everyone was fed and not just with food but with attention. He had a way of asking How are you really that made you stop and answer honestly. I will miss that. I will miss his stories about his dog Hank and the way he always left a little coffee ring on the counter because he never quite finished his cup. My wish for all of us is simple. Let us feed each other a little more. Say goodbye to Tom but do not stop telling his stories. Thank you.

Notes: This version is brief and uses one clear memory that illustrates generosity. It includes a small concrete detail, a trait, and a closing call to action to carry his memory forward.

Example 2: A balance of humor and heart for five to eight minutes

Hi, I am Elena and I got lucky enough to know Mark as a brother in law and as a friend. If you ever needed a laugh Mark had a material supply ready. He liked to say that his life rule was if you are not sure what to do tell a joke and apologize later. That rule got him through many awkward family dinners. One night he tried to fix his own sink and flooded the kitchen. He was so apologetic and then he just started dancing in the water because the alternative was crying. That is who he was. He turned small disasters into shared nonsense. He also could be steady when it mattered. When my mother got sick he sat through long hospital visits and never once asked for thanks. He brought snacks and silence and a playlist of songs my mother loved. Those two sides could not be more different yet they belonged to the same person. We will miss his chaos and his calm. I want to end with a line he loved from one of his favorite movies. He would laugh and then say Life is messy and that is how we get good stories. Thank you for being here to tell some of those stories with us.

Notes: This version blends a funny anecdote with a tender one and ends with a quote that matters to him. It shows range and keeps the audience with short beats and clear images.

Example 3: Reconciliation and honesty for a complicated relationship

My name is Daniel. I will be honest. I did not always get along with Aaron. We clashed about a lot of things when we were younger. The thing I need to tell you now is that he changed and so did I. In the last five years we found a way to laugh together and to make peace over backyard repairs and football games. One night he texted me at two in the morning because his car would not start. I drove over and we sat on the hood under a bad streetlight and talked for two hours. He told me he was scared and I told him I was scared too. That night taught me who he could be when he let people in. I am grateful for that second chance. Maybe that is one thing he taught all of us. It is never too late to show up for someone. I am going to miss him deeply and I hope we can all remember the ways he surprised us for the better.

Notes: When relationships were difficult honesty matters. This script acknowledges imperfection and highlights a meaningful turn. It avoids blame and keeps the focus on the present loss and the change that mattered.

Example 4: Young sudden loss

My name is Sofia. I am still trying to find the words because James was taken from us suddenly and that feels wrong in ways that have no language. I will share two small things to remember him by. He loved street photography and he had a way of finding beauty in messy corners. He once sent me a photo of a boarded up storefront and wrote that even empty places can hold a story. The second thing is that he wrote the best notes. If you hung out with him you might have left with a note folded into your coat pocket that said You are doing okay even when you do not feel okay. Those two things do not make sense of what happened but they tell me how he saw the world and how he tried to hold us. If you have one of his notes keep it close. If you do not have one then tell a stranger today that they are doing okay. That is what James would want.

Notes: Sudden deaths are raw. Keep the speech short and focused on two or three clear images. Offer a simple action people can do to honor him right now.

Example 5: Classic long form for eight to twelve minutes

Good afternoon. My name is Marcus and I married Lily who is his sister. I want to tell you a few stories that show different sides of his life. First, when he was twelve he built a treehouse with no instructions and very little help from grown ups. He invited the neighborhood kids and declared it an official club. That treehouse became a pattern for him. He built things, he built communities, and he allowed people to belong. Second, he loved to travel and he would bring back small tokens that seemed silly until you had them in your hands. A beaten up spoon, a postcard with a crooked stamp. Those were the things he used to say I saw this and I thought of you. Third, he was quiet in the ways that mean someone is thinking hard. He was loud in the ways that meant someone wanted the room to be alive. He taught us that you can be both steady and ridiculous at the same time. For my wife and for his parents he was the person who would show up and then clean up. The practical care mattered. I do not have a good answer for why he is gone. We simply have stories and memories. My request for all of you is this. If you learned how to be kinder because of him then pass that kindness on. If he made you laugh then tell someone one of his jokes. We will miss him. We will keep him in the small rituals he loved. Thank you for listening.

Notes: Longer eulogies can hold multiple stories across a life. This version balances childhood anecdote, adult trait, and a final ask of the audience to keep his memory active in everyday acts.

Editing your draft like a pro

After writing read the piece aloud and cut anything that feels like explanation rather than illustration. Replace general words with concrete details. Delete anything that repeats without adding new meaning. Aim for sentences that are easy to say out loud.

Editing checklist

• Have you used at least one concrete image
• Does each story end with what it reveals about him
• Are there any family private details that should be left out
• Is the final line clear and easy to remember

Practice plan to calm nerves

Practice three times with these steps.

1. Read the piece aloud slowly to yourself. Time it. If it is longer than your target cut one story or shorten paragraphs.
2. Practice standing up and speaking the whole text once without stopping. This builds muscle memory.
3. Deliver it to a trusted friend or family member and ask for one quick suggestion. Then do one final quick run through.

If you do not want to speak

It is okay to say no. You can decline without apologizing. Offer to record a short video message, write a note to be read by someone else, or help organize photos and stories. Saying no does not mean you do not love him. It can mean you are honoring your limits.

Common pitfalls and how to avoid them

• Too many names If you try to name everyone who mattered in a long list the flow dies. Name one or two people if it is necessary and otherwise focus on the story.
• Unclear narrator Be sure the audience knows who is speaking. That early connection matters.
• Trying to be someone else Use your voice. If you are casual do not force formal language. People want authenticity.
• Over explaining Trust the story to do the work. You do not need to provide moral instructions after every anecdote.

Examples of short bridging lines if you need to pause

Keep these lines on a small card so you can use them if you get stuck or if you need to compose yourself.

• I am going to pause for a moment. Thank you for your patience.
• Excuse me. Let me take a breath and continue.
• That memory is a lot for me right now. I will share one more thing and then finish.

How to end with a ritual

If the family asks you to lead a ritual like lighting a candle or a moment of silence keep your instructions short and clear. Say what you want people to do and for how long. Example: We will now have a minute of silence to think of one memory we have with Tom. I will ring the bell when the minute is over.

After the eulogy

Expect people to come up to you. You will get a range of responses. Simple statements like I am sorry or Thank you are fine. You do not need to have answers for everything. If someone wants to talk for longer ask if you can exchange numbers and set a time to meet when it feels less raw.

Resources and next steps

If you want a second pair of eyes send your draft to a trusted friend or to the family organizer. If you would like a custom edit you can take one of the templates above and replace the details. Keep the structure the same and change names and images. Remember that brevity is a kindness in grief. Five minutes can be enough when it is honest and specific.

Eulogy writing FAQ

How soon should I write the eulogy after a death

Write when you can. If the funeral is within a few days start with a short draft the evening you are asked. You can refine it in the next day. People appreciate a quick honest speech more than a polished long one that arrives late.

Can I read a poem instead of a personal speech

Yes. If a poem expresses what you want to say and the family agrees you can read a poem or a short passage. It helps to add one sentence before or after the reading that explains why you chose it.

Should I mention cause of death

Not unless the family wants you to. Medical details can be private and can distract from remembering the person. If it was important context and the family has been open about it you may refer to it briefly in respectful terms.

How do I include children in the ceremony

If children are present use language that is simple and honest. Avoid euphemisms that can confuse them. A line like He died which means his body stopped working is okay. Let the adults guide questions afterwards and be ready to answer simply.

Is it okay to use humor

Yes when it is kind and true to the person. Test a funny line on a close family member first. If it lands there it will likely land in the larger group. Avoid jokes that could cause pain.