How to Write a Eulogy for Your Ex Husband - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for an ex husband can feel confusing, awkward, or even impossible. Maybe you divorced years ago. Maybe you separated recently and still have raw feelings. Or maybe you stayed close as friends or co parents. This guide helps you figure out what to say, how to say it, and how to handle the logistics. You will find clear structure, several example scripts you can adapt, and practical advice on tone, boundaries, and delivery. We explain any terms you might not know and give templates so you can start writing faster.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone who has been asked to speak about an ex husband at a funeral, memorial, graveside service, or celebration of life. You might be an ex spouse, a current partner asked to speak, a child asked to speak about their father, or a friend filling in. The relationship with an ex spouse is often layered and messy. That is okay. This guide gives scripts for clean breaks, complicated goodbyes, reconciled relationships, and neutral statements.

What is a eulogy and how is it different when the person was your ex husband

A eulogy is a short speech that honors someone who has died. It is personal and story driven. An obituary announces a death and provides practical details. When the deceased is an ex husband you will likely be navigating mixed emotions public family dynamics and questions about what is appropriate to say. The goal is to be honest and respectful while keeping the focus on memory rather than score settling.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A published notice about a death that usually includes biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The schedule for an event listing the sequence of readings music and speakers.
• Executor The person responsible for administering a will. They often coordinate legal and practical matters after a death.
• Probate The legal process of proving a will and handling assets. Not necessary to mention in a eulogy but useful to know if you are communicating with family.
• Estranged When two people are not in contact. You can be estranged and still have important memories to share.
• Co parenting Shared parenting responsibilities for children after separation or divorce.

Should you give a eulogy for an ex husband

Short answer is yes you can if the family asks you or if you were an important person in his life. You do not have to give a eulogy just because you were married. If you are unsure ask the immediate family or the person organizing the service. If you have a complicated relationship that includes unresolved issues you can still speak. You can choose to keep your remarks short neutral or focused on the children if that feels appropriate.

Deciding the tone

Before you write decide what tone feels right. Here are common options and when they work.

• Neutral and factual Works when relationships were difficult or public family tensions make emotional commentary risky.
• Concise and respectful Good when you want to acknowledge the person without diving into personal history.
• Reconciliatory and personal Fits if you and your ex made peace or stayed close as friends or co parents.
• Focused on the children Ideal when you and your ex share kids and want to center the children s experience and memory.
• Honest and boundary aware Useful when you need to be truthful but do not want to escalate hurt or drama in public.

Permissions and logistics to check first

Ask these questions before writing or delivering anything.

• Who asked you to speak and what is the expected length of time you have?
• Is there an order of service and where will your eulogy fit?
• Are there any requests from family about tone or topics to avoid?
• Are children present who might be affected by what you say?
• Do you need permission to read a letter a text or a legal document out loud?

Structure that works for a complicated relationship

Use a small structure to keep things clear. Aim for three to seven minutes unless asked to keep it shorter.

• Opening Introduce yourself and your relationship to the deceased. Keep it simple.
• Life sketch Offer a brief factual overview of his life such as where he was from what he did and roles he held.
• Specific memory or two Tell one or two short stories that reveal something true about him. These can be neutral funny or tender.
• What he taught or what will be missed Offer a short reflection on legacy lessons or what people will remember.
• Closing End with a single line goodbye a reading or a request like lighting a candle or taking a moment of silence.

Writing openings that work

Openings should be straightforward and give you a moment to breathe.

• Hi I am Maya. I was married to Tom for seven years and I am grateful to be asked to say a few words.
• Hello everyone. My name is Aaron and I shared ten years of parenting and partnership with David.
• Good afternoon. I am Leah. Ethan and I divorced in 2015 but we stayed close friends and co parents.

How to handle different emotions in your speech

If you are still grieving anger or relief you can write with integrity while honoring boundaries. Here are approaches you can use depending on your emotional state.

• If you feel angry You can be honest and brief. Acknowledge the pain and avoid specifics that may ignite drama. For example say I am honest about the hurt in our years together. We had difficult times and I choose to remember the good for the sake of our children.
• If you feel relieved It is okay to feel complicated emotions. Do not say things that sound celebratory about a death. Instead focus on neutral facts or what you learned.
• If you feel reconciled Share that closure mattered to you and offer a small story that shows the change.
• If you feel numb Read a prepared short statement and keep it factual. You do not need to perform emotion.

Examples of anecdotes that work

Stories should be short sensory and have a small payoff. Here are examples you can adapt.

• There was one Sunday when he built a birdhouse for our daughter. He nailed it crooked and then painted it until it looked perfect. She named the birdhouse Percy and he insisted on filling it with seed every week. That small stubborn kindness is the image I will keep.
• He loved terrible 80s music. When he was driving our son to soccer he would sing so loudly the whole car grew quiet. Our son learned to enjoy bad music proudly even when embarrassed.
• When we were going through hard paperwork he would sit at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a stack of forms. He tolerated my worry with a surprising calm. I learned to breathe from him then.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples you can personalize. Replace bracketed text with names dates and specifics. Each follows the structure above.

Example 1: Short neutral and respectful

Hello. My name is Jenna. I was married to Mark for six years and I am the mother of his son Noah. Mark grew up in Portland and worked as a mechanic for over twenty years. He loved fishing and could fix almost anything with duct tape and stubborn focus.

One memory I will hold is how he would show up to help with science projects even when he worked late. He stayed awake assembling volcanoes and rockets and thanked our son for teaching him new things. He had a patient way with kids and it showed.

We do not need to pretend every year was easy. We had good times and we had hard ones. Today I choose to remember him as a father who made small steady efforts that mattered. Please join me in a moment of silence for him and for the children who loved him.

Example 2: Reconciled co parent voice

Hi everyone. I am Luis. Maria and I divorced nine years ago but we continued to parent together. When our daughter Ella missed a recital it was Maria who walked into the school at the last minute with a bouquet and a grin that said I got there. He taught Ella how to be brave on stage by sitting in the front row without fail.

Our relationship changed over time. We learned how to keep the important things in the middle. I am grateful for the ways he showed up for our child. I will miss his laugh and the way he insisted on telling bad jokes at dinner. Thank you for being here with us.

Example 3: Honest and boundary aware when you were hurt

Hello. My name is Kelsey. I was married to Darren for seven years and our time together was complicated. We had fights that left scars and apologies that slowly mattered. I will not erase those hard years but I will say this he could be kind and he could be cruel. In the end we did find a quieter place of respect that allowed us to co parent better.

For our children he was a steady presence and for that I am grateful. I am grieving what was lost and I am grateful for what we built that remains. If you loved him please hold him kindly today. If you did not please give space for people who are hurting.

Example 4: Very short statement for a public service

My name is Sam. I had a long history with Adam. Today my words are simple. He loved his kids fiercely and he loved gardening. He will be missed by those who knew him well. Thank you for joining us.

Fill in the blank templates

Pick a template then swap in details and read it aloud. Edit until it sounds like your voice.

Template A: Neutral short

My name is [Your Name]. I was married to [Name] for [number] years and we share [childrens names or count]. [Name] was from [place] and worked as a [job]. One memory that shows who he was is [brief story]. Today I remember him for [trait or legacy]. Thank you for being here with us.

Template B: Co parent focused

Hello I am [Your Name]. Though [Name] and I divorced in [year] we remained co parents to [childrens names]. He taught our children [lesson or habit]. A small moment that matters is [story]. For the children and for friends please hold him with kindness today.

Template C: Honest gentle truth

My name is [Your Name]. My years with [Name] were complex. We hurt each other at times. We also learned things together. One thing I will not forget is [memory]. I am grieving and I am grateful for what our life taught me. Thank you.

What to avoid saying

• Avoid airing long private grievances that belong in therapy or private conversations.
• Avoid blaming named family members in a public speech.
• Avoid turning the eulogy into legal or financial statements. Those belong elsewhere.
• Avoid celebrating a death or using gloating language. That will hurt people who are mourning.

Delivery tips when emotions are messy

• Bring a printed copy Use large font and mark emotional beats so you can find your place if you need to pause.
• Use cue cards One or two line cards reduce the chance of losing your place if you cry.
• Mark pauses Note where to breathe or where to let the audience respond. Pauses are helpful when feelings rush you.
• Arrange a backup Ask a friend or family member to be ready to finish a sentence if you cannot continue.
• Practice out loud Read the speech at least two times. Practice helps your voice and your nerves.
• Bring water and tissues Small practicals make a big difference.

Special considerations when children are involved

If you and your ex share children you may want to center them in your remarks. Keep language age appropriate and avoid blaming language. Consider these options.

• Speak directly to the children for a line or two. Simple honest lines like He loved you and he showed up for you will be meaningful.
• Coordinate with the other parent about what details to include so children are not surprised.
• Offer a memory that models care rather than criticizing. Children will hold onto those words.

When you were estranged

If you were not in contact you can still speak without pretending closeness. A simple structure works well.

• Introduce yourself and your connection.
• Mention that you were estranged without going into detail.
• Offer one factual memory or a short wish for peace such as I did not always understand him but I hope he found peace now.

Legal and family logistics to consider

You do not need to handle legal matters in a eulogy but knowing who is handling what helps you avoid awkwardness. Check with the executor or family about the service plan and whether your remarks are welcome. If you are unsure about reading a letter email or text ask permission. If there are estate disputes avoid commenting publicly. Those matters are better handled privately with legal counsel.

Recording sharing and privacy

Ask family before posting an audio or video recording online. Some families want privacy. If sharing is approved include a short note about where to send donations or how to contact the family for flowers and condolences.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Executor The person named in a will to carry out the deceased person s wishes regarding the estate.
• Probate The legal process of proving a will and distributing assets under court supervision.
• Estranged Separated or not in contact with someone usually for emotional or practical reasons.
• Co parenting Shared parenting responsibilities after separation or divorce.
• RSVP Abbreviation for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to request confirmation of attendance.

Frequently asked questions

Do I have to give a eulogy for an ex husband

No. You are not required to speak. If the family asks you and you feel able to do so you can accept. If you do not want to give a speech say no politely and offer an alternative such as providing a short written memory for the program.

What if family members disagree about me speaking

If close family members object have a private conversation with the person organizing the service. Sometimes a neutral brief statement or a written note included in the program can be a compromise.

Can I be honest about being hurt

Yes but be mindful of tone and audience. You can acknowledge pain in a way that does not create more wounds. Short honest lines about difficulty and growth often land better than detailed complaints.

How long should my eulogy be

Three to seven minutes is a good target. If many people are speaking check the schedule and keep remarks short to honor the timeline.

What if I cannot stop crying

Pause breathe and look at your notes. If you cannot continue ask a prearranged person to finish your last sentence. Audiences will be patient and most people understand that grief can interrupt speech.

Should I mention the divorce in my speech

Only if it is relevant to the point you are making and only if it can be expressed without vilifying anyone. Many people find it acceptable to say we divorced but we remained committed to the children. That gives helpful context without unnecessary detail.