Who Typically Does The Eulogy

Planning a funeral is a challenging experience, and deciding who should deliver the eulogy can be a sensitive matter. This essential part of the service provides an opportunity for friends and family to honour and celebrate the life of the deceased. In this article, we will discuss who typically gives the eulogy, how to choose an appropriate speaker, and share an example to help guide you through this important decision.

Roles in a funeral service

When planning a funeral, there can be several roles in the service, including:

• Officiant: This person presides over the service, often a religious leader or funeral director.
• Reader: This individual will read aloud passages or selections that hold meaning to the deceased and their loved ones.
• Eulogist: This individual delivers the eulogy, which is a speech that pays tribute to the deceased's life, character, and impact on others.
• Pallbearers: These individuals carry the casket during the funeral procession, either physically or symbolically.

Who typically gives the eulogy?

Traditionally, the eulogy is given by someone close to the deceased, such as a family member or close friend. However, there are no strict rules about who can deliver a eulogy, and often the decision is based on the individual's relationship to the deceased, their comfort in speaking in front of a group, and their ability to present a heartfelt and meaningful tribute.

Some potential eulogists might include:

• Spouse or partner
• Child or stepchild
• Parent, grandparent, or stepparent
• Sibling or stepsibling
• Close friend
• Colleague or mentor
• Member of the clergy or faith community

Criteria for selecting a eulogist

When choosing someone to give the eulogy, you may consider some of the following:

• Relationship: A person's connection to the deceased is vital. They should have known the deceased well enough to speak accurately and emotionally about their life and impact.
• Communication skills: Public speaking is not everyone's strength. Ensure the chosen individual can articulate their feelings and thoughts effectively and touch the hearts of the listeners.
• Emotional stability: Grieving affects people differently. It's essential to choose someone who will be able to maintain composure during the eulogy, while still expressing genuine emotion.
• Availability and willingness: Ensure the selected person is available and willing to take on the responsibility of delivering the eulogy, allowing ample time for preparation and reflection.

Co-eulogies and collaborations

In some cases, the responsibility of the eulogy may be shared between two or more people. This approach could involve each person speaking about different aspects of the deceased's life or taking turns sharing their memories and stories. Collaborating on the eulogy can also help distribute the emotional weight and provide a broader perspective on the person's life and character.

Who Typically Does The Eulogy Example:

In the case of John Smith's funeral, his adult children, Jane and Michael, were asked to deliver a joint eulogy. They decided to split the eulogy into sections. Jane focused on their father's childhood, early career, and experiences as a father, while Michael shared stories about John's community involvement, hobbies, and later years. By collaborating on the eulogy, Jane and Michael provided a comprehensive tribute to their father and shared the responsibility during a challenging time.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech given during a funeral service that pays tribute to the deceased, offering remembrance and celebrating their life. It often highlights their achievements, shares special memories, and acknowledges the loss felt by family and friends.

Who is typically chosen to deliver a eulogy?

Traditionally, a close family member or a good friend of the deceased is chosen to deliver the eulogy. This can be a spouse, child, sibling, or a lifelong friend. Sometimes multiple people deliver eulogies to provide different perspectives on the life of the deceased.

Can anyone deliver a eulogy?

Yes, anyone who feels a connection to the deceased and is comfortable speaking in front of the funeral attendees can deliver a eulogy. Some families may also invite colleagues, community leaders, or religious figures to speak.

Is there a specific length a eulogy should be?

While there is no set rule, a eulogy typically lasts between 5 to 10 minutes. It's important to be concise while still offering a heartfelt tribute to the deceased.

How do you start a eulogy?

To begin a eulogy, it often helps to introduce yourself and your relationship to the deceased, thank the attendees for coming, and express the shared loss. Starting with a personal anecdote or a significant memory about the person can also be very effective.

What are some tips for writing a eulogy?

When writing a eulogy, it's helpful to collect stories and memories of the deceased, organize your thoughts into a beginning, middle, and end, and speak from the heart. Aim to capture the essence of the person and the impact they had on others.

What tone should a eulogy have?

A eulogy can vary in tone depending on the personality of the deceased and the context of the funeral. It is largely up to the speaker; however, it usually includes a mix of solemnity for the mourning process and light-heartedness to celebrate the joys of the person's life.

How can I practice for delivering a eulogy?

Practicing a eulogy before the service can help you become more comfortable with the material. Read your eulogy aloud multiple times, practice making eye contact, and time yourself to ensure you maintain an appropriate length.

What should I do if I become too emotional while delivering the eulogy?

If you become overwhelmed with emotion, it's perfectly acceptable to take a moment to compose yourself. You can also have a backup person prepared to step in if you find you are unable to continue.

Is it okay to include humor in a eulogy?

Yes, if it is in keeping with the spirit of the deceased and the funeral setting, humor can be a wonderful way to reflect on the joyous times and the unique personality of the person.

How can I make the eulogy personal?

Include specific anecdotes, quotes, sayings, or routines that are characteristic of the deceased. Mentioning their passions, dreams, and the values they held dear can also help in personalizing the eulogy.

Should a eulogy be religious or secular?

The content of a eulogy depends on the beliefs of the deceased and their family. Some eulogies include religious references and scripture, while others are more secular in focus, reflecting on the individual’s life and accomplishments.

Can I use readings or poems in a eulogy?

Incorporating readings, poems, or even song lyrics that were meaningful to the deceased or that resonate with the message you wish to convey can add a special dimension to the eulogy.

What if I'm not a good public speaker?

If public speaking is not your strength, writing a thorough eulogy and practicing it can boost your confidence. Remember that those in attendance are there to support you and that speaking from the heart is more important than perfect delivery.

Is it important to talk about the cause of death in a eulogy?

While you can acknowledge the death, it’s not necessary to focus on the cause. Most eulogies concentrate on life and the legacy left behind. However, if the manner of death plays a crucial role in remembering or celebrating the person's life, it can be mentioned in a sensitive manner.

Can I decline the request to deliver a eulogy?

Yes, if you feel that you cannot deliver the eulogy due to emotional reasons or discomfort with public speaking, it is acceptable to respectfully decline. You can also suggest someone else who might be a suitable choice.

What is the best way to end a eulogy?

A eulogy is often concluded by summarizing the person’s life, thanking them for their impact on your life and the lives of others, and offering a final farewell that could be a comforting message, a wish for peace, or a moment of silence.

Can children give a eulogy?

Yes, children who were close to the deceased can give a eulogy if they feel up to it and if it's deemed appropriate by the family. Their perspective can be incredibly touching and offer a unique remembrance for the loved one lost.

Should I write the eulogy down or speak from the heart?

Having the eulogy written down, even in point form, can serve as a helpful guide to make sure you don't miss key points that you intend to cover. However, allowing yourself to speak from the heart and improvise a bit can add warmth and sincerity to your tribute.

Is it appropriate to make any calls to action in a eulogy?

Occasionally, families opt to use the eulogy as an opportunity to encourage attendees to take certain actions, like contributing to a cause that was important to the deceased. This should be done tastefully and in keeping with the tone of the service.

How can I get feedback on a eulogy before I deliver it?

You can ask a trusted family member, friend, or clergy member to listen to your eulogy before the service. They can provide constructive feedback about the sentiment, length, and appropriateness of your speech.

What if I don't know much about the deceased's life?

If you have been asked to give a eulogy but did not know the person well, it's entirely appropriate to reach out to those who did know them better, gather stories, and weave these anecdotes into a narrative that honors the person's life and legacy.

What is the difference between a eulogy and an obituary?

A eulogy is a speech given during a funeral service to honor the deceased, while an obituary is a written announcement of a person's death, typically including a brief biography and funeral service details, which is published in print or online.

Selecting the right person to give a eulogy is a deeply personal and important decision, and it's crucial to think carefully about who can best honour and celebrate the deceased's life. At Eulogy Assistant, we understand how difficult it can be to navigate through this challenging time, which is why we've created a helpful tool to assist with eulogy writing. If you found this article helpful, please consider sharing it with others who may be facing a similar situation, and explore our other helpful guides to help you craft a heartfelt and memorable tribute.