Who Should Give A Eulogy At A Funeral

Funerals are an important time for family and friends to come together and celebrate the life of a loved one who has passed away. The eulogy is often seen as the heart of the funeral service, a touching and personal tribute to the deceased. Many people feel a great deal of pressure in deciding who should give the eulogy at a funeral, as it is an honor and responsibility that can have a lasting impact on those present. In this article, we explore the different aspects to consider when choosing who should deliver a eulogy, along with a realistic example and helpful resources.

Factors to consider when choosing a eulogist

When deciding who should give a eulogy at a funeral, there are several factors to weigh up. While it is ultimately up to the family to decide, here are some aspects to consider:

Relationship to the deceased

• The eulogist should have had a close connection to the deceased, such as a family member, a close friend, or a colleague.
• The more intimate the relationship, the better, as it allows for a more personal and insightful tribute.

Comfort with public speaking

• While it's natural for the eulogist to feel emotional during the speech, they should be able to deliver the eulogy clearly and effectively.
• Consider whether the chosen person is comfortable speaking in front of a crowd and can handle the emotional pressure.

Ability to write a heartfelt tribute

• The eulogist should be able to craft a touching and genuine eulogy, capturing the essence of the deceased's life and their impact on others.
• Writing or speaking skills are essential, as well as the ability to convey emotions effectively.

Willingness and availability

• The chosen person should be willing and available to deliver the eulogy. This includes time for writing, practicing, and editing the speech prior to the funeral service.
• Be sensitive to their feelings and understand if they feel too emotionally overwhelmed to accept the role of eulogist.

Commonly chosen eulogists

Eulogies can be given by a variety of people who shared a close relationship with the deceased. Here are some common choices:

Family members

• Spouses, siblings, children, or parents are often chosen to deliver the eulogy, as they have deep insight into the deceased's life and character.
• For some families, it may be appropriate for multiple family members to contribute to the eulogy, each sharing their unique perspective and memories.

Close friends

• Longtime friends who have shared significant experiences and memories with the deceased can offer a meaningful perspective in their eulogy.
• Friends may feel more comfortable expressing certain memories or anecdotes that family members might not know about or feel comfortable sharing.

Officiants, clergypersons, or celebrants

• Officiants or celebrants who have a close relationship with the deceased or their family may be asked to give a eulogy that encompasses their spiritual beliefs and values.
• They can also provide support and guidance for other family members who wish to contribute to the eulogy.

Colleagues or coworkers

• Colleagues can provide a unique perspective on the deceased's work ethic, achievements, and impact on their professional community.
• They can share anecdotes that highlight the deceased's personal qualities and their dedication to their work.

Who Should Give A Eulogy At A Funeral Example:

In our example, let's assume that Jane has just lost her beloved husband, Tom. Jane is considering who should give a eulogy at his funeral. She narrows down her choices to three people: their eldest son, Steve; Tom's lifelong best friend, Mark; and Tom's supervisor, Linda.

Jane examines each potential eulogist based on the factors mentioned above. Steve is very emotional over losing his father and is not confident in public speaking; Mark is more composed and a great storyteller, but struggles with writing a structured speech; Linda knows Tom's professional achievements well and can speak confidently in public, but does not have an intimate relationship with their family.

Ultimately, Jane decides that Mark should give the eulogy, with support from the family to help him write and edit the speech. This way, they can all contribute their memories and insights, and Mark can deliver a eulogy that is heartfelt and genuine.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who is traditionally responsible for giving a eulogy?

Traditionally, a close family member or a dear friend of the deceased is chosen to give a eulogy. This can include children, spouses, siblings, or parents. However, anyone who was significantly close to the deceased and is willing and able to express their thoughts and memories can do so.

Can multiple people deliver a eulogy at the same funeral?

Yes, it is not uncommon for multiple people to share the honor of delivering a eulogy. This can allow for a more comprehensive reflection on the life of the deceased from different perspectives. It is, however, important to coordinate this with the funeral director or the ceremony officiant to manage time appropriately.

How long should a eulogy be?

Eulogies typically last between 5 to 10 minutes. It is important to be concise yet thorough in sharing meaningful anecdotes and attributes of the deceased. This time allows for a respectful tribute without being too drawn-out for the attending mourners.

What if the closest relatives are too emotional to speak?

If the closest relatives feel unable to deliver a eulogy due to their emotions, they may ask someone else who was close to the deceased to speak on their behalf. It's essential to select someone who is comfortable with public speaking and who understands the family's grief.

Is it appropriate for a colleague or boss to give a eulogy?

Yes, if the deceased had a significant and meaningful relationship with a colleague or boss, it would be appropriate for them to give a eulogy, especially if they can offer unique insights into the life and character of the deceased through their professional interactions.

Does a eulogy have to be serious and somber?

While it is typical for a eulogy to have a somber tone, it does not have to be devoid of light-hearted moments or humor. Sharing funny or uplifting stories can be a way to celebrate the deceased's life and can provide comfort to those mourning.

Can children give a eulogy?

Children can give a eulogy if they feel comfortable doing so and if it is deemed appropriate by the family. It can be a way to involve them in the ceremony and let them express their love and memories. Adult supervision is recommended to help prepare them for the experience.

What should be included in a eulogy?

A eulogy typically includes a brief introduction of the speaker, memories and anecdotes about the deceased, their characteristics and impact on those around them, and a closing that expresses the collective sorrow and the significance of the loss.

Is it okay to read a eulogy from a paper?

Yes, it is completely acceptable to read a eulogy from a paper or note cards. This can help the speaker stay focused and ensure that they do not miss any important points they wish to convey. Writing it down can also be a helpful emotional crutch.

How do I write a eulogy if I didn't know the deceased very well?

If you are asked to write a eulogy but did not know the deceased well, it is appropriate to gather stories and insights from those who did. Conducting a mini-interview with close friends and family can help you create a genuine and heartfelt tribute.

Can a eulogy be delivered by someone of a different faith?

A eulogy can and should be delivered by someone who felt a close connection to the deceased, regardless of differing faiths. The focus of a eulogy is on the life and character of the person, not on religious doctrine.

Should the eulogy be approved by the family?

It is considerate for the eulogist to have the eulogy reviewed or approved by the close family members of the deceased. This ensures that the content is appropriate and in line with the family’s wishes, and avoids potential surprises during a sensitive time.

Is it alright to refuse to give a eulogy?

Yes, if someone does not feel comfortable giving a eulogy for any reason, it is perfectly okay to politely decline. Speaking at a funeral can be daunting, and it is important that the person delivering the eulogy is able to do so sincerely and composedly.

What happens if I get too emotional while delivering a eulogy?

Getting emotional while delivering a eulogy is natural and those in attendance will understand. If you become too overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a moment to compose yourself, ask for a glass of water, or even have a backup person prepared to step in if necessary.

Is it necessary to have a eulogy at a funeral?

It is not mandatory to have a eulogy at a funeral, but it is a common tradition that provides an opportunity for formal reflection on the life of the deceased. Some may opt for a moment of silence or a different form of tribute if a eulogy is not desired.

Can the deceased’s pet contribute to the eulogy?

While pets cannot deliver a eulogy, they can be included in the ceremony or mentioned within the eulogy itself as cherished companions of the deceased. Including a beloved pet can underscore the deceased’s capacity for love and the breadth of their relationships.

How do we choose the right person to deliver a eulogy?

Choosing the right person involves considering who was closest to the deceased, who can adequately express their life's impact and who can handle the emotional and public speaking aspect of giving a eulogy. It should be a collective decision made with respect to the deceased's preferences if known.

Should a eulogy be religious or spiritual?

The religious or spiritual nature of a eulogy should align with the beliefs of the deceased and their family. It is not necessary for a eulogy to be religious— it can be secular and focus on the person's life, values, and the memories shared with them.

Can a funeral have a video eulogy instead?

Yes, with technological advancements and sometimes due to the inability of key people to attend, a video eulogy can be a meaningful alternative. This can also be a good option if the person chosen to deliver the eulogy is not comfortable speaking in front of a crowd.

Is humor appropriate in a eulogy?

Humor, when used respectfully and appropriately, can be a warm addition to a eulogy. Sharing a funny memory can bring smiles and warmth to the service, but it is crucial to gauge the audience and the general mood to ensure it is well-received.

How can I personalize a eulogy?

To personalize a eulogy, include specific stories and details that capture the essence of the deceased's character. Talk about their passions, quirks, achievements, and the legacy they leave behind. Personal anecdotes and shared memories often resonate most with the audience.

Is it acceptable to have a friend give the eulogy instead of a family member?

Yes, a friend can give a eulogy if they were close to the deceased. Sometimes, a friend may be a more suitable choice if they are capable of delivering a speech that honors the deceased's memory in a way that family members, due to grief, may not be able to.

By understanding the factors to consider when choosing a eulogist, such as their relationship to the deceased, comfort with public speaking, and the ability to write a heartfelt tribute, you can select a speaker who will deliver a meaningful and respectful eulogy at the funeral service. Remember, the key is to find someone who can sincerely convey your loved one's story, personality, and impact on those around them. For more guidance and resources on crafting touching funeral eulogies, explore Eulogy Assistant's other helpful guides and articles, and feel free to share these useful resources with others who may be facing the same challenge.