Table of Contents
Choosing the right person to deliver a eulogy at a funeral can be an emotional and important decision. The eulogy is a tribute to the deceased, a celebration of their life, and a way for those present at the funeral to honour their memory. So it's essential that the individual delivering the eulogy is someone who can share heartfelt memories, express thoughts and feelings, and connect with the audience. In this blog post, we’ll explore who should do the eulogy at a funeral, and how to ensure the speech is meaningful and memorable.
Considering Family Members
It's common for a close family member to deliver the eulogy. This person may be:
- A spouse or partner
- A parent or guardian
- A sibling
- A child
- A grandparent
Family members often have an intimate understanding of the deceased's life, personality, and relationships. This enables them to share unique insights and anecdotes that could make the eulogy more personal and touching.
Friends and Colleagues
Sometimes, a close friend or colleague may be better suited to deliver the eulogy. This might be because:
- The deceased had a particularly close bond with this individual
- The person has public speaking experience and can confidently deliver the eulogy
- A family member may be too emotional or grieving to speak in public
Need a Eulogy?
Get a Personalized Professional Eulogy Written For Your Loved One
Asking a friend or colleague to deliver the eulogy can provide a different perspective on the deceased's life and help paint a more complete picture of their character.
Religious or Spiritual Leaders
If the funeral is in a religious setting or the deceased was a person of faith, it may be appropriate for a religious or spiritual leader to do the eulogy. They can provide comfort through religious teachings, prayers, and share their perspective on the deceased's spiritual journey.
Multiple Speakers
In some cases, it might be suitable to have multiple speakers deliver portions of the eulogy. This can allow for:
- A more comprehensive representation of the deceased's life from various viewpoints
- The opportunity for more people to pay tribute and share their memories
- Distributing the emotional burden and responsibility between different individuals
When having multiple speakers, it's essential to coordinate the content and timing of the eulogies to ensure the ceremony flows smoothly.
Finding the Right Balance
Regardless of who is selected to deliver the eulogy, it's important to strike a balance between sharing personal stories and providing a broader perspective on the deceased's life. This can help attendees connect with the deceased and their memories on a deeper level, while also gaining a greater appreciation for their life's journey.
Who Should Do Eulogy At Funeral Example:
An example scenario:
At John's funeral, his family decides to have multiple speakers deliver the eulogy. John's wife, Sarah, speaks first, sharing cherished memories and details of their life together. Next, one of John's closest friends from university recalls stories from their college years and how their friendship had endured. Finally, John's daughter, Emily, presents a brief eulogy reflecting on the lessons she learned from her father and the impact he had on her life.
In this example, the eulogy covers various aspects of John's life and relationships, demonstrating the depth of his impact on those around him. The multiple speakers provide different perspectives, allowing for a more complete understanding of who John was and how he touched the lives of others.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that pays tribute to the deceased. It often includes personal stories, accomplishments, and cherished memories that highlight the individual's life and legacy.
Who is traditionally responsible for giving a eulogy?
Traditionally, a close family member or a dear friend of the deceased delivers the eulogy. This can be a child, sibling, spouse, or a best friend. However, this is not a strict rule, and others may also take up this role.
How do I decide who should give the eulogy at a funeral?
The decision of who should deliver a eulogy can be made based on a variety of factors, including the closeness to the deceased, willingness, public speaking ability, and the wishes of the deceased if known.
Can more than one person deliver a eulogy?
Yes, it's quite common for multiple people to give eulogies. This allows for different perspectives on the life of the deceased and can provide a more rounded tribute. However, it's important to plan and coordinate accordingly to maintain a respectful flow during the service.
Should a eulogy be delivered by a family member if they feel too emotional?
While delivering a eulogy is an honor, it is also emotionally taxing. If a family member feels too overwhelmed, it might be suitable to delegate the task to someone who was close to the deceased yet feels comfortable speaking publicly under emotional stress.
What if there's no one comfortable with public speaking to give the eulogy?
If there's no one suitable or willing to give a eulogy, a member of the clergy, a celebrant, or the funeral director can be asked to deliver a eulogy on behalf of the family. They can compile tributes and stories from the family to include in their speech.
Is it appropriate to ask a coworker or boss to give a eulogy?
If the deceased had a special bond with a coworker or boss, or spent a significant portion of their life at their workplace, it could be appropriate for such an individual to give a eulogy. It acknowledges the role that work and colleagues played in their life.
How long should a eulogy be?
The length of a eulogy typically ranges from five to ten minutes. It's long enough to convey heartfelt sentiments and anecdotes, but brief enough to maintain the attention of those in attendance.
What should be included in a eulogy?
A eulogy should include fond memories, personal stories, notable accomplishments, and the impact the deceased had on the lives of others. It should also reflect the personality and spirit of the deceased, providing a meaningful tribute to their life.
Is it acceptable to include humor in a eulogy?
Humor can be a powerful tool in a eulogy, as long as it is tasteful and reflects the personality of the deceased. Sharing a funny memory or lighthearted anecdote can provide a moment of comfort in a time of sorrow.
Are there any topics that should be avoided in a eulogy?
Eulogies should avoid sensitive or controversial subjects that could upset the family or friends of the deceased. It's important to focus on positive memories and contributions, rather than dwelling on any negative aspects of the individual's life.
Can I write my own eulogy in advance?
Yes, many people choose to write their own eulogies as part of their end-of-life planning. It ensures that one's legacy is captured as they wish and can take some of the burden off loved ones during a difficult time.
How do I write a eulogy for someone I didn’t know well?
Writing a eulogy for someone you didn't know well involves gathering stories, facts, and anecdotes from those who were closer to the deceased. Research and collaboration can help create a meaningful tribute that honors the individual's life and memory.
What if I become too emotional while delivering the eulogy?
Becoming emotional during a eulogy is natural. It's perfectly acceptable to pause, take a moment to compose yourself, or have a backup person prepared to take over if needed. Remember, the attendants will understand and share in your grief.
Is it okay to decline the role of giving a eulogy?
Yes, it's okay to decline the role of giving a eulogy. It's a personal decision and one that requires a level of comfort with public speaking and emotional expression. If you're not up to the task, politely declining is acceptable.
Should children be encouraged to give a eulogy for a parent?
If a child expresses the desire to give a eulogy for a parent, it should be encouraged, but it should also be their choice. Help from family members or other adults can support them in writing and delivering the eulogy.
Can a eulogy be given as a poem or song?
Yes, a eulogy can be presented creatively as a poem or song, especially if it reflects the tastes of the deceased or the abilities of the person delivering the eulogy. It can be a beautiful and unique way to pay tribute.
How do I prepare for delivering a eulogy?
To prepare for delivering a eulogy, write your speech ahead of time, practice it, and perhaps read it to a friend or family member for feedback. It's also helpful to plan for managing your emotions and consider bringing a printed copy as a backup.
What is the difference between a eulogy and an obituary?
A eulogy is a speech given during a funeral service that provides personal reflections and anecdotes about the deceased. An obituary is a written notice of death, often published in newspapers and online, summarizing the person's life, family, and funeral arrangements.
How can I personalize a eulogy for a unique individual?
To personalize a eulogy, include details that are specific to the individual such as their hobbies, passions, quirks, and the mark they left on their community. Use stories and descriptors that paint a vivid picture of who they were.
Is it important to practice delivering a eulogy before the funeral?
Practicing the delivery of a eulogy before the funeral is important, as it can help calm nerves, ensure clarity of speech, and aid in timing the eulogy to fit within the service schedule. It also allows the speaker to become more familiar and comfortable with the content.
The decision of who should deliver the eulogy at a funeral will ultimately depend on the preferences of the deceased, their family, and the unique circumstances surrounding their life and relationships. By considering factors such as family dynamics, friendships, and spiritual beliefs, you can select the person or persons who can best honour the memory of your loved one and celebrate their life in a meaningful way. At Eulogy Assistant, we understand the importance of crafting a heartfelt and memorable tribute. Explore our other guides for more advice, resources, and inspiration when writing or delivering a eulogy.