Eulogies, while meant to be heartfelt and touching, can be a challenge to write. It can be even more challenging to say the right things in front of an audience during a time of immense grief. To avoid adding further discomfort to an already difficult situation, it's essential to know what not to say in a eulogy. This curated guide will help you navigate common pitfalls and help you craft a meaningful and respectful tribute to your loved one that leaves a lasting impression.
Are you struggling to write a meaningful eulogy during this difficult time? Our professional eulogy writing service can help you honour your loved one in less than 48 hours, with no additional stress. We help you preserve the legacy of a cherished life, in your time of grief. Find out more →
Table of Contents
- 1. Avoiding Controversy and Criticism
- Don't air dirty laundry
- Don't criticize the deceased or others
- Keep it appropriate and respectful
- Avoid using religious or political themes
- Don't make it about yourself
- Don't ramble or go off-topic
- Don't downplay grief or sadness
- Don't make promises you can't keep
- 2. Be Mindful of Language and Tone
- 3. Stay Focused and Concise
- 4. Acknowledge the Reality of the Loss
- A Well-Written Eulogy Example
- Frequently Asked Questions
1. Avoiding Controversy and Criticism
Don't air dirty laundry
While it's important to portray a genuine image of your loved one, it's best to avoid mentioning family feuds or any other controversial issues. Focus on positive memories and avoid discussing past conflicts, disappointments, or negative aspects of their life.
Don't criticize the deceased or others
Steer clear of judgmental statements, negative opinions, or criticisms about the deceased or others. The eulogy is a time to show respect and remember your loved one in a positive light while providing comfort and support to those in attendance.
2. Be Mindful of Language and Tone
Keep it appropriate and respectful
Humor, if tasteful, can lighten the mood and celebrate happy memories, but be cautious not to cross the line. Refrain from using offensive language, inappropriate stories, or jokes that might offend family members or friends.
Avoid using religious or political themes
Need a Eulogy?
Get a Personalized Professional Eulogy Written For Your Loved One
It's advisable to avoid discussing religion or politics in depth, unless you are certain it aligns with the beliefs of the deceased and their family. Instead, emphasize the values and characteristics that made your loved one unique and beloved to all.
3. Stay Focused and Concise
Don't make it about yourself
While it's natural to include personal anecdotes or stories from your relationship with the deceased, remember that the eulogy is about honoring their life and legacy. Keep personal references to a minimum and focus on how they made a positive impact on others.
Don't ramble or go off-topic
Stay concise and stick to the main ideas that help paint a picture of the person's life, character, and values. Organize your thoughts, use notes or an outline, and refrain from going on tangents or sharing unrelated stories.
4. Acknowledge the Reality of the Loss
Don't downplay grief or sadness
It's important to validate the emotions that mourners may be experiencing. While it's important to focus on positive memories, avoid statements that may minimize or dismiss the pain felt by those attending the funeral.
Don't make promises you can't keep
While offering support and understanding is comforting, avoid making grand promises or commitments that you may not be able to fulfill. Instead, focus on providing genuine words of encouragement and understanding.
What Not To Say In An Eulogy Example:
A Well-Written Eulogy Example
"Good morning, everyone. Today, we gather to celebrate and remember the life of [name], a loving [relative/friend] and an incredible human being. [Name] touched so many lives with their kindness, compassion, and wit. We are richer for having known them, even as we feel their absence keenly in this moment.
As children, [name] and I spent countless hours exploring the woods near our home, fostering a sense of adventure and wonder. This curiosity would later inform their impressive career in [profession] and their tireless pursuit of knowledge. [Name] always brought a bright light to any room they entered, and a warm embrace to those they cared for.
There are countless stories we could share about [name], but what remains constant is their generosity of spirit, their unwavering loyalty to loved ones, and their undeniable ability to find humor even in the darkest moments. Yes, today, our hearts are heavy with grief, but as we look around, we recognize that [name] leaves behind a powerful legacy of love, courage, and resilience.
In the days ahead, remember to share stories, laughter, and tears as we keep [name]'s memory alive in our hearts. It's what they would have wanted – for us to support and comfort one another and continue to honor their memory by living our lives to the fullest."
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is it important to consider what you say in a eulogy?
It is important to consider what you say in a eulogy because it is a time to honor the deceased and offer comfort to grieving family and friends. Words can have a deep impact during this sensitive time, and a respectful, thoughtful eulogy can contribute to the healing process.
Can humor be appropriate in a eulogy?
Yes, humor can be appropriate in a eulogy if it is done in a tasteful way that celebrates the life of the deceased without offense. Be sure to gauge the family's feelings about humor before deciding to include it.
What topics are generally considered inappropriate for a eulogy?
Topics generally avoided include contentious family issues, the cause of death if it was tragic or controversial, any form of gossip, and unflattering stories or criticisms of the deceased.
How can I make sure my eulogy is received well?
To ensure your eulogy is well-received, write from the heart, focus on positive memories, tailor your words to the audience, practice the speech, and be mindful of your tone and pacing. Being sincere and respectful is key.
How long should a typical eulogy be?
A typical eulogy is usually between 5 to 10 minutes long. Keeping it concise ensures that you hold the audience's attention and communicate your message effectively.
Is it okay to mention personal struggles of the deceased in a eulogy?
Mentioning personal struggles of the deceased can be acceptable if it's done in a way that highlights their courage or positive character traits and is agreeable to the family. Always maintain a respectful tone.
What if I have a negative past with the deceased?
If you have a negative history with the deceased, it's best to focus on forgiveness, shared memories that were positive, or the contributions they made to others' lives. The eulogy is not a time to air personal grievances.
Can I share intimate details about the deceased's life?
Sharing intimate details about the deceased should be done with discretion. If you believe a story or detail would celebrate the person's life and is appropriate for all attendees, it may be included. Otherwise, it is wise to avoid overly personal anecdotes.
What are some themes to focus on for a positive eulogy?
Positive themes for a eulogy include the deceased's kindness, achievements, legacies, the lessons they taught, and their love for friends and family. These subjects honor the deceased and provide solace to loved ones.
How can I open a eulogy gracefully?
Open a eulogy by acknowledging the audience, expressing your condolences, and perhaps sharing a brief, touching anecdote or a quote that sets a positive, reflective tone for the rest of the speech.
Is it okay to read from a prepared text, or should a eulogy be delivered from memory?
It is quite acceptable to read from a prepared text. Delivering a eulogy from memory is often difficult during such an emotional time, and a prepared text ensures that you say what you intended.
What if I become too emotional to continue while delivering the eulogy?
If you become too emotional, it's okay to pause, take a deep breath, or even have a backup person step in if necessary. Showing emotion is natural, and those present will understand.
Can I use a poem or a song in the eulogy?
Yes, incorporating a poem, song, or reading that was meaningful to the deceased or to the relationship you shared can be a beautiful addition to a eulogy. Ensure that it is appropriate and respectful to the setting and audience.
Should I avoid talking about religion in a eulogy?
Whether or not to talk about religion in a eulogy depends on the beliefs of the deceased and their family, as well as the context of the funeral service. If religion was important to the deceased, it may be appropriate to include.
How do I handle writing a eulogy for someone I didn't know very well?
If you're writing a eulogy for someone you didn't know well, reach out to close friends and family members for stories and insights about the deceased. Focus on their positive impact and the memories others have shared with you.
Is it appropriate to thank attendees in the eulogy?
Yes, it can be appropriate and even comforting to acknowledge and thank those who have come to pay their respects. This can be incorporated towards the beginning or end of the eulogy.
How can I close the eulogy in a respectful manner?
To close the eulogy respectfully, you might reiterate the love and respect you and the community have for the deceased, offer words of comfort, share a hopeful message, or end with a meaningful quote or farewell.
Is it alright to mention the deceased's accomplishments without sounding boastful?
Yes, it is perfectly alright to mention the deceased's accomplishments. The key is to frame their achievements in a way that honors their memory and reflects the qualities that others admired in them.
How should I prepare mentally and emotionally to deliver a eulogy?
Prepare mentally and emotionally by practicing your speech, reflecting on the positive impact of the deceased, seeking support from friends or family, and centering yourself before the service to deliver the eulogy with composure.
What is the best way to involve family members in the eulogy?
The best way to involve family members is to ask for their memories and stories beforehand, potentially include direct quotes from them in the eulogy, or even invite them to participate in the delivery if they are willing and able.
Can I talk about my personal grief during the eulogy?
While acknowledging your personal grief is natural, the eulogy should focus on honoring the deceased and supporting the grieving community. Being genuine in expressing your own sense of loss can be powerful, but the eulogy should not become primarily about your own grief.
In conclusion, a successful eulogy should be a heartfelt tribute to the deceased, comforting friends and family while avoiding controversial topics or inappropriate anecdotes. By following the guidelines provided in this article, you will be better prepared to craft a touching eulogy for your loved one. If you found this guide helpful, please share it with others and explore our other resources on Eulogy Assistant for further guidance and support in creating your own personalized and meaningful eulogy.