Losing a loved one is a heartbreaking experience, and writing a eulogy can be a daunting task. It's not easy to find the words that capture the essence of a person, express the impact they had, and provide solace to grieving family and friends. Fortunately, our guide breaks down the eulogy-writing process into six clear steps. Discover how this structured approach can help you create a heartfelt, meaningful tribute that honours your loved one's memory and shares their lasting influence.
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Table of Contents
Step 1: Gather Information and Memories
Before starting to write a eulogy, take some time to gather your thoughts, memories, and details about the deceased. This can include:
- Memorable personal stories or anecdotes
- Important life achievements and milestones
- Natural qualities—such as wit, kindness, or wisdom—that made the person special
- Interests and hobbies they enjoyed
- Influential moments or experiences they had
Speaking with family and friends can provide valuable insights, as well as unique perspectives, to help build a fuller picture of the person's life and impact.
Step 2: Establish a Theme
Once you have collected stories and memories, consider the main theme for the eulogy. This should reflect the person's character and capture the essence of their life. Some examples of eulogy themes are:
- A life of selflessness and service
- Inspiring through creativity
- Bravery in the face of adversity
- A love of family and friends
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Establishing a theme helps give the eulogy a clear direction and assists in selecting the most relevant details, anecdotes, and stories to include.
Step 3: Create an Outline
An outline provides structure to your eulogy and helps ensure all necessary elements are covered. A basic outline might include:
- Introduction: Offer your condolence to the attendees, introduce yourself, and the relationship to the deceased and briefly mention the eulogy's theme.
- Body: Share stories and experiences that showcase the theme, demonstrating their positive qualities, achievements, and impact on others.
- Conclusion: Reiterate the theme, express your gratitude for the time shared together, and offer words of comfort and hope to the audience.
Step 4: Write the First Draft
Using the outline as a guide, begin writing the first draft of the eulogy. Write from the heart and try to be as sincere as possible. Focus on the person's positive attributes and achievements, and ensure that stories and anecdotes connect back to the theme. Be mindful of the tone—aim for a balance between emotional depth and uplifting moments. Don't worry about having a polished piece at this stage; the focus should be on getting your thoughts down on paper.
Step 5: Edit and Revise
After completing the first draft, allow some time to pass before reviewing it. Revising the eulogy with a fresh perspective helps with clarity, structure, and tone. Ensure that your stories and anecdotes flow cohesively, and remove any unnecessary details or anecdotes that don't align with the theme. Reading the eulogy aloud during this stage helps identify any inconsistencies, awkward phrasings, or areas needing improvement.
Step 6: Practice and Finalize
Once you're satisfied with the revised eulogy, practice reading it aloud several times. This will help with pacing, tone, and fluency during the actual delivery. You may continue to make minor adjustments during this stage, but try to keep the overall content consistent. When you feel confident with the final product, make sure to have a printed copy or digital copy with you at the funeral or memorial service.
What Are The 6 Steps To Writing A Eulogy? Example:
Sample Eulogy Outline
- Introduction
- Offer condolence and introductions
- Briefly introduce theme: "A life filled with laughter and love"
- Body
- Anecdote of family Christmas celebration
- Stories of devotion to friends
- Supportive nature during moments of crisis
- Conclusion
- Reiterate the theme
- Express gratitude for the memories shared
- Offer words of comfort and hope to attendees
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech or piece of writing that praises and honors the life of a person who has recently passed away. It is usually presented during funeral or memorial services by a close friend, family member, or a professional speaker.
How do I begin writing a eulogy?
To begin writing a eulogy, start by collecting your thoughts about the person who has passed away. Reflect on their life, memories, and the impact they had on you and others. Start by jotting down these memories, anecdotes, and their personal qualities.
What should be included in a eulogy?
A eulogy should include a brief introduction of yourself and your relationship with the deceased, highlights of their life, significant achievements, personal stories or anecdotes that illustrate their character, their impact on friends and family, and any final messages you wish to convey on their behalf.
How long should a eulogy be?
A eulogy typically lasts between 5 and 10 minutes, which equates to about 500-1000 words. However, the length can vary depending on the time allocated by the funeral service and the amount of content you wish to cover.
Is it appropriate to include humor in a eulogy?
Yes, including humor in a eulogy can be appropriate, especially if it reflects the personality of the deceased and is done tastefully. Sharing a humorous memory or story can provide a moment of levity and fond remembrance during the service.
Can I read a eulogy if I'm not a family member?
Absolutely. Friends, colleagues, or even acquaintances can deliver a eulogy if they feel compelled to share memories and honor the deceased. It is best to coordinate with the family to ensure it fits into the service plans.
What is the correct tone for a eulogy?
The tone of a eulogy should be respectful and reflective, often balancing solemnity with celebration of the person's life. While a eulogy can express grief, it's also an opportunity to commemorate and express gratitude for the time shared with the deceased.
How do I handle my emotions while delivering a eulogy?
It's natural to be emotional while delivering a eulogy. It can help to practice reading the eulogy aloud multiple times before the service to become more comfortable with its content. It's also acceptable to take brief pauses or have a backup person ready to step in if needed.
Is it necessary to talk about the cause of death?
Discussing the cause of death is not necessary in a eulogy unless you feel it's relevant to address or if it was a significant aspect of the person's life or character. The focus should generally be on celebrating the life lived rather than the circumstances of death.
What if I don't know much about the person's life?
If you are not well-acquainted with the person's life, reach out to family members and friends for stories, facts, and character traits. Researching and accumulating insights from others can help you write a more personal and accurate eulogy.
Should a eulogy be written or can it be improvised?
It is highly recommended to write a eulogy ahead of time to ensure that you cover all the points you wish to address. Improvisation under emotional duress can be challenging, and having a written text can help you maintain focus and coherence.
Can I include religious or spiritual elements in a eulogy?
Religious or spiritual elements can be included in a eulogy if they were significant to the deceased or to the family. Be sure to consider the beliefs of the attendees and aim to be inclusive and respectful to all present.
How do I end a eulogy?
A eulogy can be concluded with a meaningful quote, a final farewell, a moment of silence, a prayer, or a call to cherish the memories of the deceased. It's important to close on a note that reflects both the spirit of the person and the message you wish to leave with the audience.
Is it okay to use notes while delivering a eulogy?
Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to use notes or a printed copy of the eulogy while delivering it. This can help you stay on track and ensure you don't forget any important points during an emotional time.
How do I choose stories or anecdotes for the eulogy?
Choose stories or anecdotes that highlight the best qualities of the deceased, show the impact they had on others, and reflect the essence of who they were. Opt for memories that will resonate with the audience and have a meaningful connection to the departed's life.
What if I become too emotional to continue while delivering the eulogy?
If you become too emotional to continue, take a moment to breathe and collect yourself. It's okay to show emotion and the audience will understand. If necessary, you can ask someone you trust to be ready to take over for you if you're unable to finish.
How can I personalize a eulogy for someone with a common or public life?
To personalize a eulogy for someone with a well-known or public life, focus on sharing your personal experiences and interactions with the person. Highlight aspects of their character and life that may not have been seen by the public.
Can I mention regrets or unfinished business in a eulogy?
While a eulogy should predominantly be positive, it is possible to mention regrets or unfinished business if it serves to humanize the deceased and offers a sense of closure or lessons learned. Handle such topics sensitively and consider the impact on the audience.
How do I make sure the eulogy is appropriate for all audiences?
To ensure the eulogy is appropriate for all audiences, avoid controversial or potentially offensive topics. Stick to universally relatable themes like love, friendship, and shared experiences, and choose language that is inclusive and respectful.
What if I receive negative feedback on the eulogy?
If you receive negative feedback on the eulogy, remember that you spoke from the heart to honor the deceased. Not everyone may agree or resonate with what you said, but your intention was to pay tribute in a meaningful way. Accept feedback graciously but don't let it overshadow the purpose of your words.
Can the eulogy be shared with others who could not attend the service?
Yes, the eulogy can be shared with those who couldn't attend the service. You can offer a written copy, record the reading, or even publish it online on a memorial site or social media, if deemed appropriate and with the family's consent.
Writing a eulogy can feel like a monumental responsibility, but by following these six simple steps, you'll be well on your way to crafting a heartfelt and meaningful tribute. Remember that the most important aspect is to honour your loved one's memory, so take your time, be sincere, and speak from the heart. If you found this guide helpful, please consider sharing it with others who may also be navigating the eulogy-writing process. For more support and guidance, explore our other guides on Eulogy Assistant.