How to Write a Eulogy for Your Service Member - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for someone who served in the military can feel like carrying a double weight. You want to honor their service and the life they led outside of the uniform. You want to be respectful to military protocol and honest about who they were. This guide gives a clear, usable method for writing and delivering a eulogy that balances rank, service details, and human stories. We explain military terms you might see, provide real example scripts for different tones, and offer delivery tips that actually work. Pick a template, personalize it, and speak with confidence.

Who this guide is for

This article is for spouses, parents, siblings, friends, and comrades who have been asked to speak about a service member at a funeral, memorial, graveside, or celebration of life. Maybe you are comfortable speaking and asked to represent the family. Maybe you were the person closest to them outside the military. Maybe the death was in combat, or it was from illness, an accident, or suicide and you are worried about how to say the right thing. There are sample scripts for formal military honor contexts, casual celebration of life settings, short graveside remarks, and delicate situations.

What is a eulogy for a service member

A eulogy is a speech that honors a person who has died. For a service member the eulogy often includes their military service details but it does not have to be only about that. The eulogy should show the whole person. It should include family roles, humor, habits, values, and the small moments that make someone memorable. Military honors and ceremonies are formal. Your words are the bridge between ceremonial elements and the personal story.

Terms and acronyms you might see

• Honor guard A military unit that performs ceremonial duties like presenting the flag, folding the flag, and standing watch.
• Flag folding The ceremonial folding of the American flag presented to the next of kin at many military funerals.
• Taps A short bugle call played at military funerals to honor the deceased.
• VA The Department of Veterans Affairs. They handle benefits and burial assistance for qualifying veterans.
• DD 214 The service member s separation paperwork. It is often needed to confirm eligibility for benefits and burial honors. If you do not have it a casualty assistance officer can help.
• Next of kin The closest family member recognized for official communication and benefits.
• POW Prisoner of war. This may be used in historical contexts when describing service.
• Burial at a national cemetery Cemeteries like Arlington have specific scheduling and honor protocols. Confirm details early.

How long should a eulogy for a service member be

For military funerals and graveside services keep remarks short and focused. Aim for two to five minutes. If the event is a separate memorial or celebration of life in a reception hall you can go longer, five to ten minutes is a reasonable range. Short and precise remarks often carry more weight during combined ceremonial services. Check with the funeral director or officiant to confirm timing so the honor guard elements remain coordinated.

Before you start writing

Preparation will make the process smoother and reduce surprises on the day of the service.

• Ask about protocol Contact the funeral director or the military casualty assistance officer to confirm if there will be an honor guard, flag presentation, bugler, or gun salute. Those elements affect timing and where you will stand.
• Agree on tone Decide with family if the eulogy should be formal and rank focused or more personal and casual. Most families want a mix of both.
• Gather service facts Collect rank, unit, base assignments, deployments, awards, and dates. Double check spelling and exact ranks. Mistakes in rank or unit can be painful and are avoidable.
• Collect personal memories Ask family and friends for one memory each. Short stories that show personality are gold.
• Pick three focus points Choose three traits or stories that you will highlight. Three points give shape and keep the speech memorable.
• Confirm logistics Ask about microphone, podium, and where you will stand relative to the flag and honor guard. Practice with the actual mic if possible.

Structure that works

Use a simple structure. It helps people follow and it gives you a safe path to speak from.

• Opening State your name and relationship to the service member. If appropriate include the service member s rank and branch. Offer one sentence that sets the tone.
• Service summary Briefly state military facts you want included. Keep this to a few lines unless the family wants a more detailed account.
• Personal stories Share one or two short, specific anecdotes that show character. Use sensory details where possible.
• Values and legacy Say what this person taught others and what people will miss.
• Closing Offer a final goodbye line, a short quote, or an invitation for the audience to remember or perform a small action like a moment of silence.

Tone: balancing rank and humanity

Military audiences care about proper acknowledgment of rank and service. Civilians often want to hear about who the person was outside the uniform. Combine both. Start with correct military details and then move quickly to human stories. Saying The Sergeant loved fishing and bad coffee is as valid as listing tours of duty. That is the person people need to remember.

How to include rank and awards

Use rank and branch at the beginning. For example Staff Sergeant Marcus Lee, United States Army. If the family wants to mention awards mention the name of the medal not the citation unless the family asks. Avoid listing every ribbon. Name the most meaningful awards or deployments and focus on what those experiences meant to the person s character.

Anecdotes that work in military contexts

Good anecdotes are short and reveal something others may not know. They show contrast between their military persona and private life. Keep them specific, sensory, and with a small meaning.

Examples of short anecdotes

• He would polish his boots until they were brighter than the medals on his chest, and then come home to fall asleep watching cartoons with his daughter on his chest.
• During deployment he started writing postcards called micro-letters, tiny drawings with a single joke. We saved every one and they are the best evidence of how he stayed present across an ocean.
• She taught the squad how to balance training and music. On long nights she would hand out earbuds and say bring the playlist through the watch.

Addressing combat deaths and sensitive causes like suicide

These deaths are heavy and families often want care in the public words. If the death was combat related the eulogy can honor bravery while acknowledging loss. If the death was suicide be gentle. You do not need to provide graphic details. You can say passed away or died by suicide if the family is open to that language. Emphasize the person s life, love, and the fact that it is okay to grieve complex feelings. Offer resources and keep calls to judgment out of the speech.

Sample phrasing for suicide

• We lost Specialist Ramirez after a long and private battle with pain. Today we remember the laughter he gave us and the small acts he did to help neighbors.
• Her death was complicated and very painful. If you are struggling with similar thoughts please reach out to a trained professional or call the Veterans Crisis Line. You do not have to carry this alone.

Examples you can adapt

Example 1 Formal graveside with rank, 2 to 3 minute version

Good morning. My name is Lisa Carter and I am the sister of Staff Sergeant Daniel Carter, United States Marine Corps. Daniel served proudly for thirteen years. He deployed twice and earned the Navy Marine Corps Achievement Medal for leadership in training exercises.

Daniel was all discipline and soft heart. After a long day of training he would come home and teach neighborhood kids how to square a friendship. He loved breakfast tacos and gave away his last one to a kid who had none. That small kindness was Daniel in a sentence.

We are grateful for his service, and we are grateful for his laughter, his stubbornness, and his loyalty. Please join me now in a moment of silence as we honor him and the sacrifices he made. Thank you.

Example 2 Short, personal, casual at a celebration of life

Hi. I m Mark. I was Emily s husband. She was Captain Emily Ruiz, U.S. Air Force, but at home she was the person who left mismatched socks in the laundry and demanded we stop the movie to eat ice cream. She ran half marathons and she also ran her coffee maker until it surrendered.

One time she forgot her uniform jacket at the airport. She spent the whole flight worrying about it and then landed and found it had been adopted by a retired colonel who had worn it through customs by mistake. That story shows how Emily could make friends anywhere. We will miss those small, ridiculous moments as much as anything official. Thank you for being here to remember her.

Example 3 Short graveside for a complicated relationship

My name is James. I am the father of Lance Corporal Aaron Hill. Aaron and I did not always agree. He left our town at eighteen and brought home stories I could barely hear. Over time we found each other in letters and late night calls. He taught me how to listen. If I could say one thing to him now it would be I am proud of you and I love you. Thank you for letting me be your dad.

Example 4 For a death in combat, measured and honoring

Hello. I am Commander Olivia Chen, US Navy Reserve. Lieutenant Marcus Hale died serving aboard his ship and doing the job he loved. His courage was seen by many and his care for younger sailors was what he considered his true duty.

Off the ship he taught my son to tie a tie and to make pancakes that always burned a little. Marcus believed in showing up and making room for other people. Today we honor that legacy and the cost it took to make it. Please stand with us as we remember him.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates as a starting point. Replace bracketed text with details and edit until it sounds like you.

Template A Formal graveside

My name is [Your Name]. I am the [relationship] of [Rank Name], [Full Name], [Branch]. [Rank Last Name] served [number] years and [brief service summary]. Outside service [he she they] loved [hobby or habit]. One memory that shows who [he she they] was is [brief story]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for honoring [Rank Last Name] today.

Template B Personal celebration of life

Hi. I m [Your Name], [relationship]. [Full Name] was not just a [rank]. [He she they] was a [parent friend spouse neighbor], who [short personal detail]. My favorite small memory is [funny or tender memory]. If you want to remember one thing from today remember [core value or lesson].

Template C For a complicated or sensitive death

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Full Name] was complicated. We had good times and hard times. In the end we found [small reconciliation or lesson]. Today I choose to remember [one or two positive traits]. If you are hurting today please know you are not alone and seek help if you need it.

Delivery tips for military funerals

• Confirm timing Honor guard ceremonies follow strict timings. Know where the bugler or rifle salute will occur and leave space in your speech for those elements.
• Stand where instructed Coordinate with the officiant so you do not step between the honor guard and the family or the casket.
• Use rank correctly Do not abbreviate unfamiliar ranks. When in doubt ask the funeral director what exact form to use.
• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is easier to manage than a phone in a windy graveyard.
• Practice with a microphone If there is a microphone check it in advance. Speaking too softly can be misheard. Speaking too loud can distort the mic. Find a steady volume.
• Plan for emotion Pause when you need to. A steady breath looks and sounds composed.
• Have a backup Ask a friend or family member to be ready to finish if you cannot continue. Brief them on where your speech might stop so they can pick up smoothly.

What to avoid

• Avoid guessing or inventing service details. If you are not sure of dates or ranks check first.
• Avoid political commentary about war or policy at the funeral unless the family explicitly wants that focus.
• Avoid long technical lists of medals without context. Tell one story that makes a medal meaningful.
• Avoid shaming language if the cause of death is complicated. Grief is messy and people need compassion more than explanations.

Logistics and who to contact

• Contact the funeral director and the military casualty assistance officer early for details about honors, flag presentation, and bugler scheduling.
• Ask the funeral home about burial benefits and whether the VA will provide a burial flag and marker.
• If you plan to include photos or a slideshow confirm copyrights and permissions from family and the venue.
• If planning a national cemetery burial request scheduling early. Many national cemeteries require documentation and have set timelines.

After the eulogy

People often ask for copies. Offer to email the text or include it in a printed program. Some families create a memorial book or a shareable recording. Get permission before posting audio or video online. If the death was service related ask the family if they want any proceeds from a shared memorial to go to a veteran support organization.

Checklist before you step up to speak

• Confirm time limit with funeral director or officiant.
• Print your speech with large font and bring a backup copy.
• Practice aloud at least three times, ideally in front of one listener.
• Mark pauses where Taps or other honors will play.
• Arrange a signal with a family member if you need someone to finish for you.
• Bring tissues and a bottle of water if allowed.

Glossary of useful military terms

• Honor guard A ceremonial team that performs duties at military funerals.
• Taps A bugle call played at dusk and at military funerals to honor the fallen.
• Flag presentation The folded flag presented to the next of kin at many military funerals.
• DD 214 Service separation paperwork that proves veteran status. This may be needed for benefits and burial eligibility.
• Casualty assistance officer A military official who helps families with burial benefits and ceremony coordination.
• National cemetery A cemetery operated by a government agency where eligible veterans may be buried with honors.
• VA benefits Burial allowances, headstone or marker provision, and other benefits administered by the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Frequently asked questions

Should I mention rank in the eulogy

Yes. Start by stating the service member s rank and branch. It is respectful and it frames their service. After that focus on personal stories so people remember them as a whole person.

How do I handle mentioning deployments or combat

Mention deployments if they are important to the family. Keep descriptions general and focused on the person s actions and courage rather than graphic detail. Families sometimes prefer a private conversation for details.

Can I include a call to action like donations to a veterans charity

Yes but get family approval first. If the family wants donations include a brief line in the program or a short sentence in your speech about where to give. Avoid long fundraising pitches during a eulogy.

What if the service member did not have a strong military identity

Focus on personal identity. Not every veteran centers their life on service. It is okay to mention service briefly and spend most of your remarks on family, hobbies, work, and relationships.

How do I end a eulogy when there will be military honors like Taps

Finish with a short closing line and then yield to the ceremonial element. Say a sentence like Let us now honor [Name] as the bugler plays Taps. Pause and step back so the honor guard can proceed.

What language should I use for a suicide

Use respectful and nonjudgmental language. You can say died by suicide or died after struggling with mental health if the family approves. Offer resources to listeners who may be affected and avoid sensational language.

Can I rehearse at the graveside or ceremony site

Sometimes you can do a quick run through with the officiant or funeral director. Be mindful if others are present and keep it short. Practicing with the microphone and seeing where you will stand helps a lot.