How to Write a Eulogy for Your Parent In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Being asked to speak about your parent in law can feel tricky and tender at the same time. You want to honor their life and relationship to your family while staying true to your own voice. This guide gives you a clear plan, real examples, and ready to use templates for different tones and relationships. We explain terms you might not know and offer delivery advice that actually helps. Read through, pick a template, and begin writing with confidence.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about a parent in law at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, or graveside service. Maybe you had a warm relationship with them. Maybe you were close sometimes and distant other times. Maybe you married into the family recently or you were part of it for decades. There are examples and templates for loving, respectful, and complicated relationships.

What is a eulogy and how is it different for a parent in law

A eulogy is a short speech that honors a person who has died. It usually appears during a funeral or memorial service. For a parent in law, the goal is often to show respect for the role they played in the life of your spouse and in your family. A eulogy for a parent in law is personal but may also include family history and appreciation for how they shaped your partner and your shared life.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and gives basic facts like dates, survivors, and service details.
• Order of service The sequence of events for a funeral or memorial. Think of it like the program for the event.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to help carry the casket. They are usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories photos and memories instead of ritual.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort and quality of life near the end of life. It often happens at home but not always.
• Officiant The person running the service. This could be a clergy member a celebrant or a family friend assigned to lead.

How long should a eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. That usually equals about 400 to 800 spoken words. Shorter is fine if several people are speaking. A focused two to three minute tribute can be more meaningful than a long speech that loses direction.

Before you start writing

Good prep makes the writing and the delivery easier. Use this quick plan to get started.

• Confirm time and tone Ask the family or the officiant how long you can speak and what tone will fit the service.
• Talk to your spouse Ask your partner what memories they want included and whether there are topics to avoid out of respect for the family.
• Gather material Collect nicknames anecdotes favorite sayings and small facts like where they grew up or what they loved to cook.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want people to remember. For example kindness work ethic humor or a particular hobby.
• Decide the relationship angle Will your speech be a child in law speaking for themselves a family representative speaking for the household or a friend of the family? That choice shapes the language.

Structure that works

Use a simple structure to keep your remarks clear. This gives listeners something to follow and makes it easier for you to speak.

• Opening Say who you are and your relationship to the deceased. Offer a sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a short overview of their life in practical strokes. Dates are optional. Focus on roles like parent grandparent spouse volunteer or hobbyist.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory if possible.
• What they passed on Talk about lessons habits or values they gave to your partner and your family.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line a brief quote or a call to action like lighting a candle or sharing a memory after the service.

How to write the opening

Start simple. Your opening does a lot of work. It orients the audience and steadies you.

Opening examples

• Hello everyone. I am Alex and I am Maria s spouse. Thank you for being here to remember the kindness she carried into every room.
• My name is Jordan. I had the honor of being Tom s son in law for the last twelve years. I want to share one small story that shows how generous he was with his time and his grill.
• Hi. I am Priya. I felt lucky to call June my mother in law. She taught me to make her lemon rice and to ask for help when I needed it.

Writing the life sketch

Keep the life sketch brief and meaningful. You are not writing a biography. Think about the roles they played and what shaped their life.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] was born in [place] and grew up loving [hobby or memory]. They worked as [job] and later became known around town for [small fact]. They married [spouse] and raised [children names or count].
• [Name] moved to [city] and made a home full of [object or habit]. Their yard was always full of [plants pets activity] and they were the person neighbors could call for [helpful task].

Anecdotes that matter

Anecdotes are what people remember. Keep them short and with a small payoff that links to a trait or lesson.

Examples of short anecdotes for a parent in law

• When my partner first introduced me to their family they warned me about Dad s terrible coffee. I learned quickly that the coffee was terrible on purpose it was his way of making conversation last longer.
• She had a rule that everyone needed a second dessert if they told a story about the person being celebrated. That rule made holidays longer and louder and perfect.
• He taught my partner to fix the lawn mower by turning it off and asking for help first. That lesson stuck and later saved a weekend and a small argument.

Addressing complex or awkward relationships

Relationships with in laws can be layered. If your experience was complicated you can still speak honestly without causing harm. Focus on truth and intention. You do not need to air private grievances.

Examples for complicated relationships

• My relationship with Maria was not always easy. We had different ways of doing things. Over time we found common ground in cooking together and in laughing at the same bad TV shows. Those late night kitchen conversations meant everything to me.
• He could be blunt and that was hard at times. He was also the person who always showed up when help was needed. That reliability taught my partner to be steady for others.

Using humor the right way

Light humor often helps people breathe. Use small earned jokes that reveal character. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or single out someone in the audience.

Safe humor examples

• She kept a drawer full of emergency chargers and candy. If you left empty handed it was your own fault.
• He had a signature barbecue technique that he swore was a family secret. It tasted great and probably violated at least one kitchen safety rule.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Avoid turning the speech into a family therapy session or a list of grievances.
• Avoid including private family drama that would hurt people present.
• Avoid reading long lists of dates or achievements without a story to make them human.
• Avoid cliches unless you immediately support them with a specific detail.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples you can personalize. Replace bracketed text with your details and read them aloud to trim or adjust.

Example 1 Loving warm parent in law three to four minute version

Hello. I am Sam and I had the joy of calling Ruth my mother in law. Ruth grew up near Lake Erie and moved to our city in her twenties. She worked as a librarian and had the kind of memory that made family stories feel like home. She loved humming old songs while she shelved books and she always knew which title would make you laugh or cry.

One small story that captures Ruth is how she handled birthdays. She kept a pad of paper with favorite recipes and memories. On my first birthday with the family she handed me a handwritten note with a recipe and welcomed me like a missing chapter in her book. That gesture made me feel part of the family instantly.

She taught us to be curious and to treat knowledge like something shared not hoarded. She also taught my partner to read out loud at bedtime and to say sorry when they were wrong. We will miss her quiet humor the way she always found the perfect book and the way she made family feel like a group project that everyone wanted to join. Thank you for being here to remember Ruth with us.

Example 2 Short modern eulogy under two minutes

Hi everyone. I am Leah. I was lucky to be Mark s spouse and to have Bev as my mother in law. Bev loved strong tea Sunday crossword puzzles and spoiling her grandkids. She welcomed me without rule or reservation and told me I was family before I understood how lucky that was. Thank you for celebrating her with us today.

Example 3 Complicated but respectful

My name is Daniel. My relationship with Joan was layered. We had our disagreements mostly about lawn care and which movie to watch on family night. Over time we found humor and respect in small things like swapping recipes and checking in when work got hard. In the end Joan taught me to be patient and to show up even when it felt awkward. For that I am grateful.

Example 4 Celebration of life tone with warmth and fun

Hello. I am Maya. If you knew Harry you know he had three core values be kind to friends love a perfectly grilled burger and never pass up a bad pun. Those qualities made family vacations loud and joyful. Today we celebrate that noise and the truth that he made room for everyone at his table. Let s laugh and remember him exactly the way he lived.

Fill in the blank templates

Pick a template and then edit it so it sounds like you. Read it aloud and cut anything that feels forced.

Template A Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [relationship] to [Name]. [Name] was born in [place] and loved [hobby]. They worked as [job] and were the person we called when [habit or small role]. One memory that shows who they were is [brief story]. They taught my partner [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here.

Template B For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. I had a complicated relationship with [Name]. We disagreed about [small example]. Over time we found [common ground or reconciliation]. I learned [short lesson]. If I could say one thing to them now it would be [line you want to say].

Template C Light warm funny with sincerity

Hi. I am [Your Name]. To know [Name] was to know they always had an extra pair of socks and a terrible joke ready. They also showed us how to [practical skill or value]. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. I will miss their laugh and their way of making small things matter. Thank you for sharing this moment with us.

Practical tips for delivery

Delivering a speech while grieving is hard. These tactics help keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font so you can see easily. Paper is often calmer than scrolling on a phone.
• Use cue cards Small index cards with a line or two on each card makes it easier to find your place.
• Mark pauses Put a note where you want to breathe or let the audience react. Pauses give you time to collect yourself.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy a few times to someone you trust a mirror or your partner. Practice helps your throat know what to expect and reduces surprises.
• Bring tissues and water A sip of water can steady your voice. Tissues are practical and human.
• Have a backup plan Arrange for someone to introduce you or to finish a final thought if you cannot continue. Pick that person ahead of time so they are ready.
• Work with the officiant Confirm where you will stand and where the mic will be if there is one. Practice with the microphone if possible so you know how loud to speak.

When you want to cry mid speech

If tears come that is okay. Pause. Breathe. Look down at your notes and keep going when you can. If your voice breaks slow down. Fewer words can be more powerful. The audience is there to hold the moment with you.

How to include readings poems and music

Short readings work best. If you choose a poem pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long poem. Make sure the officiant is comfortable with the choice and consider printing the text in the program so people can follow along.

Music ideas

• Choose songs the person loved or songs that match the tone of the event.
• If live music is not possible ask the venue about playing a recorded track between speakers.
• Keep music brief and place it where it supports the speech like an interlude or after a heartfelt line.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you will need a microphone or printed copies of your speech.
• Confirm with the officiant where to stand and the time limit.
• Provide a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service so they can include it in the program or memory book.

After the eulogy

People may ask for a copy. Offer to email it to family and friends. Some families want the eulogy included in the printed program or collected into a memory book. You can also record the audio and share it privately with family members who could not attend. Ask permission before posting any recording online.

Checklist before you step up to speak

• Confirm your time limit with the family or officiant.
• Print your speech with large font and bring a backup copy.
• Practice at least three times out loud.
• Mark pauses and emotional beats in your copy.
• Bring tissues and a glass of water if allowed.
• Tell a family member you might need a moment and arrange a signal if you want them to finish if needed.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice with biographical facts and service information.
• Order of service The schedule for the funeral or memorial listing readings music and speakers.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to carry the casket usually a close family member or friend.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories photos and shared memories.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. It can happen at home or in a facility.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. They can be clergy a celebrant or a family friend.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy for my parent in law if I am nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship to the deceased. A short opening like Hello I am [Your Name] and I am [Name] child in law gives the audience context and buys you a breath to settle. Practice that opening until it feels familiar. It will steady you when you begin.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause breathe and look at your notes. If you need a moment take it. People will wait. If you cannot continue ask a designated family member or friend to finish for you. Having a short note someone else can pick up from helps in that scenario.

Should I include family history and stories about my spouse

Yes. Including how your parent in law shaped your partner is meaningful. Focus on memories that show values or habits passed down. Keep private family matters private and check with your partner about sensitive topics.

Can I use humor in a eulogy for a parent in law

Yes gentle earned humor is often welcome. Use jokes that are rooted in real memories and test them with someone who will be honest. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or upset family members.

How long should a eulogy be if many people are speaking

Keep your remarks to two to four minutes if several people will speak. Coordinate with other speakers or with the officiant to avoid going over the planned schedule.

Is it okay to read from my phone

You can read from your phone but make sure it will not ring and the screen is bright enough in the venue. Many people prefer printed notes or index cards because they are easier to manage when emotions run high.