How to Write a Eulogy for Your Mum In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for your mum in law can feel like walking a tightrope between respect, honesty, and your own emotions. You might be grieving someone who was not your birth parent but who mattered in big ways. You might be nervous about getting the tone right in front of your partner and their family. This guide gives you a friendly, practical method plus real examples and fill in the blank templates you can personalise. We explain terms you might not know and give delivery tips that actually help. Read on, pick a template, and start writing with confidence.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone who has been asked to speak about their mum in law at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, or graveside gathering. Maybe you were the natural choice because you were close or because your partner asked you to speak if they could not. Maybe your relationship was complicated or awkward. That is okay. There are sample scripts for short, tender, humorous, and complicated moments. The examples are written so you can copy, edit, and make them sound like you.

What exactly is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech that honours someone who has died. It is usually part of a funeral or memorial. A eulogy is different from an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that gives basic facts like birth date, survivors, and service details. A eulogy is personal. It tells a story. It gets to the heart of who this person was for you and for others.

Important terms you might see

• Obituary A published notice about a death that usually includes biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The schedule for a funeral or memorial listing the sequence of readings, music, and speakers.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories, photos, and memories rather than ritual.
• Officiant The person running the service. They might be a religious leader, celebrant, or a family friend.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort for someone nearing the end of life. It can be delivered at home or in a facility.
• Cards of condolence Messages people send to show sympathy and support to the family.

How long should your eulogy be

Short and clear beats long and rambling. Aim for three to six minutes. That is roughly 400 to 700 spoken words. If you feel emotional, a shorter, focused tribute will usually land better than a long one that loses shape. If other people are speaking check the total time so the service does not run long.

Before you start writing

Preparation makes everything easier. Use this quick plan.

• Ask about time Check with the family or the officiant how long you should speak and where you fit in the order of service.
• Decide the tone Do you want to be solemn, celebratory, quietly funny, or a mix? Talk with your partner and close family so the tone fits the person and the audience.
• Collect material Gather small facts, nicknames, routines, and one or two standout memories. Ask siblings or friends for a memory each if you need more.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want people to remember about your mum in law. Three gives the speech shape and helps you stay concise.

Structure that works

Here is a simple shape that makes writing straightforward and helps the listener follow your thoughts.

• Opening Say your name and your relationship to the person. Offer one sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview with practical strokes. Focus on roles such as mother, nurse, volunteer, gardener, neighbour, or friend.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Traits and lessons Summarise the qualities you want people to remember and any lessons they left behind.
• Closing Offer a farewell line, a short quote, or a call to action like inviting people to share a memory afterward.

Writing the opening

Open with a calm, clear line. Your name and your relationship gives context and buys you a breath to settle. Then add one small sentence that explains what this person meant to you or to others in the room.

Opening examples you can adapt

• Hello, my name is Jess. I am Tom s wife and I am honoured to say a few words about my mum in law, June.
• Good afternoon. I am Marcus. I was lucky to call Mary my mum in law. She taught me how to make proper gravy and how to forgive quickly.
• Hi, I am Aisha, her daughter in law. Today we are here to remember the warmth she carried into every room.

How to write the life sketch

Keep the life sketch short and vivid. This is not a biography. Pick the roles and facts that matter for the story you are telling. Use plain language. Dates are optional.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] grew up in [place]. She worked as a [job] and later loved her retirement hobby of [hobby]. She was a sister, a friend, and a devoted mum to [names or count].
• [Name] moved to [city] when she was young. She loved good tea, afternoon walks, and never missed a chance to bake for neighbours.

Anecdotes that make a person real

Stories are what people remember. Pick one or two short anecdotes that show who your mum in law was. Keep each story tight with a setup, an action, and a line that explains why it matters to you.

Short anecdote examples

• She had a rule that any visitor had to sit for tea. Once my partner arrived three minutes late and was immediately given a gentle interrogation and a biscuit. It was her way of saying you belong here.
• When the kids were small she taught them to plant seeds in old yoghurt pots. Years later the backyard still smelled of rosemary and those pots were proof of her patience.
• She never learned to use a smartphone but she loved photos. She would cut them out and put them in albums and the albums told the story of her family better than any caption.

What to do if your relationship was complicated

Not every in law relationship is easy. You can be honest without being cruel. Acknowledge complexity and focus on truth and intention. You do not need to air private grievances in public. You can acknowledge hard parts and highlight moments of peace or learning.

Examples for complicated relationships

• Our relationship was not always simple. We had different styles and sometimes clashed. In the last few years we found a gentle rhythm of mutual respect and I am grateful for that time.
• She could be outspoken and opinionated. She also taught me to stand up for what matters in a quiet way. Those lessons were challenging then and useful now.

Using humour carefully

Humour can be a welcome breath. Use small, earned jokes not shock value. Test a line on someone who will tell you honestly if it lands. Avoid jokes that might embarrass the deceased or single out someone in the audience.

Safe humour examples

• She had two speeds at family dinners, talk and record. If the conversation slowed she would declare a decade of gossip and keep us all entertained.
• Her cooking could be fearless. She called burnt toast a vintage flavour and swore by it. We pretended to dislike it and then ate three slices.

What to avoid in your eulogy

• Avoid turning the eulogy into a therapy session or a place for family arguments.
• Avoid sharing private family secrets that could hurt people present.
• Avoid long lists of accomplishments without stories that make them human.
• Avoid clichés unless you immediately pair them with a specific example that makes the line true.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Example 1: Warm and short, about three minutes

Hello, I am Claire and I am Mark s wife. It is a comfort and an honour to speak about my mum in law, Joan.

Joan grew up near the coast and moved here when she was twenty one. She spent her life caring for others whether through her work as a school assistant or through the small kindnesses she offered neighbours. She loved gardening, strong tea, and old crime novels.

One small memory that captures her is the way she would turn up on a rainy afternoon with a tin of biscuits. She did not always know what to say to fix something but she could always bring warmth and a listening ear. She taught me to notice small things and to show up even when it is inconvenient.

We will miss her steady presence, her laugh, and how she made everyone feel welcome. Thank you for being here and for holding her memory with us.

Example 2: Short and slightly humorous

Hi everyone. I am Ben, Anna s husband. Mum in law had a morning routine that involved three essentials, a loud radio, a cup of tea, and telling us how to fold the laundry properly. She had strong opinions about socks and stronger opinions about the price of jam.

She loved her family fiercely and she was good at making ordinary days feel like a celebration. Today we remember her stubborn kindness and her excellent biscuit recipes. Thank you for being part of her life and for sharing this day with us.

Example 3: Complicated but honest

My name is Laura. My relationship with Margaret was honest and sometimes difficult. We disagreed often about small things and those disagreements taught me patience. In the last year we had conversations that brought us closer. She told me things I needed to hear and we found a new respect for each other.

She had a way of telling the truth without cruelty and she loved fiercely when she decided to. I will miss her frankness and the way she pushed me to be braver. Thank you, Margaret, for the lessons and the times we made each other laugh.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates to get started. Replace bracketed text with your own details and then read out loud and trim anything that sounds forced.

Template A Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Partner s name] spouse. [Mum in law s name] was born in [place or year]. She worked as [job] and later loved [hobby]. One memory that shows who she was is [brief story]. She taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here and for supporting our family.

Template B For a complicated relationship

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Mum in law s name] was complicated. We did not always agree and we had different ways of seeing things. Over time I came to appreciate [something positive]. In her last months we found [space for reconciliation or understanding]. If I could say one thing to her now it would be [short line you want to say].

Template C Light and warm

Hi, I am [Your Name]. To know [Mum in law s name] was to know that [quirky habit]. She laughed loudly at bad jokes and she never missed a family birthday. My favourite memory is [funny small story]. She taught us to enjoy the small things and to be generous with our time. I will miss her laugh and her biscuits. Thank you.

Practical tips for delivery

• Print your speech Use large font. Try not to read from a tiny phone screen unless you have practised with it. Paper can feel steadier when emotions are high.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines each are easier to handle than a long page of text.
• Mark pauses Put a note where you want to breathe or where laughter might come. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy to a friend, to a mirror, or to your partner. Practise helps your voice know what to do on the day.
• Bring tissues and water A glass of water helps if your throat tightens. Tissues can make you feel more prepared.
• Arrange a backup If you think you might need help, ask someone to be ready to finish a line or to take over if needed.
• Mind the mic Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak at a normal volume. If there is no mic, aim to project to the back row without shouting.

When you get emotional while reading

If tears come, that is okay. Pause, breathe, look down at your notes, and then continue. If your voice breaks slow down. Saying fewer words slowly is often more powerful. Most people in the room want you to succeed and will give you time.

Including readings, poems, and music

Short excerpts work best. If you include a poem pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long poem. Readings can be religious or secular. Confirm with the officiant and consider printing the text in the program so people can follow along.

Music tips

• Pick songs your mum in law loved or songs that match the event tone.
• If you want live music check with the venue about timing and equipment.
• Keep music short and place it where it supports the speech such as before the eulogy or as a brief interlude.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you will need a microphone or a place to stand.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will speak and how long you may take.
• Give a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service in case they need it for the program.

After the eulogy

People often ask for a copy. Offer to email or print it for close family and friends. Some families include the eulogy in a printed program or a memory book. You can also record the audio and share it privately with family members who could not attend. Always check with the family before posting any recording online as some prefer privacy.

Checklist before you speak

• Confirm your time limit with the officiant or family.
• Print your speech in large font and bring a backup copy.
• Practice your speech at least three times out loud.
• Mark emotional beats and pauses in your copy.
• Bring tissues and a glass of water if allowed.
• Arrange a small signal with a family member in case you need help finishing.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honour the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice announcing a death and usually including service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Officiant The person who runs the service.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories and photos.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life.
• RSVP Abbreviation of the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to ask people to confirm attendance.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship to the deceased. A short opening like Hello my name is [Your Name] and I am [Partner s name] spouse gives the audience context and buys you a breath to settle. Practise that opening until it feels familiar.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you need a moment take it. If you cannot continue have a designated person ready to step in. Many people arrange a short note that someone else can pick up from if needed.

Should I include religious language if the family is not religious

Only if it was meaningful to your mum in law or to the family. If religion was not central choose secular language that honours values and memories instead. You can include a brief reading or poem that matches the family s beliefs instead of prayer language.

Can I use humour in a eulogy

Yes, small earned humour is often welcome. Use jokes rooted in real, kind memories and test them with a trusted friend. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or upset family members.

How long should a eulogy be

Three to six minutes is a good target. Short speeches tend to be memorable. Coordinate with other speakers so the service fits the planned schedule.

Can I record and share the eulogy online

Check with the family before posting. Some families prefer privacy. If sharing is approved provide a short description and be mindful of the deceased s wishes.