How to Write a Eulogy for Your Mother Figure - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for a mother figure can feel overwhelming and oddly necessary at the same time. This person might not have been your biological mother. They could have been a mentor, an aunt, a close family friend, a stepmom, or someone who raised you. This guide gives you practical steps, real examples you can borrow, and delivery tips that actually work. We explain any terms you might not know and include relatable templates so you can start writing with confidence.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about a mother figure at a funeral, memorial, graveside gathering, or celebration of life. Maybe you were the natural choice because you spent the most time with them. Maybe you loved them from a distance. Maybe the relationship was complicated. All of that is okay. There are sample scripts for tender, funny, short, and more complicated needs.

What do we mean by mother figure

A mother figure is anyone who provided care, guidance, or steady presence in a mother like role. This could include biological mothers, stepmothers, foster parents, aunts who helped raise you, teachers who guided you, older friends who checked on you, or mentors who offered steady support. The word mother figure focuses on the role they played rather than a legal or biological label.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died. It is not an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that lists basic facts like birth date, survivors, and service details. A eulogy is personal. It is a story. It does not need to be perfect. It needs to be true to what that person meant to you.

Terms and acronyms you might see

• Obituary A written announcement of a death that typically includes biographical details and information about services.
• Order of service The program for the funeral or memorial that lists the sequence of readings, music, and speakers.
• Officiant The person running the service. They could be a clergy person, a celebrant, or a friend who agreed to lead the gathering.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories, photos, and shared memories.
• Hospice A type of care focused on comfort for people nearing the end of life. Hospice can be delivered at home or in a facility.
• RSVP An abbreviation for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to request confirmation of attendance.
• POA Stands for power of attorney. It is a legal designation for someone who can make decisions on behalf of someone else if they are unable to do so.

How long should a eulogy be

Short and clear is usually better than long and wandering. Aim for three to seven minutes of spoken time. That is roughly 400 to 800 words. If multiple people are speaking, check with the family or officiant to coordinate timing. If you are nervous about crying, a shorter heartfelt tribute can be more powerful than a long speech that loses focus.

Before you start writing

Some practical prep makes the writing easier and the delivery steadier.

• Ask about time Confirm how long you are expected to speak and where your remarks will fit into the order of service.
• Decide the tone Do you want solemn, celebratory, funny, or a mix? Run the tone by a close family member so it fits the person and the audience.
• Gather memories Collect dates, milestones, nicknames, small stories, and favorite sayings. Ask siblings or close friends for one memory each to build your material.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want people to leave remembering. Three is small enough to hold in one speech and large enough to give shape.
• Choose your delivery method Decide whether you will read from paper, index cards, or a phone. Print a backup copy just in case.

Structure that works

A simple structure gives your speech a shape and keeps your audience oriented.

• Opening Say who you are and why you are speaking. Offer a single sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview of the person s life in clear strokes. Focus on roles and values rather than a long job history.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Lessons and traits Summarize the values they passed on or the things people will miss.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line, a short quote, a hymn or song reference, or an invitation to share memories after the service.

How to write the opening

The opening sets the stage. Keep it simple. Start with your name and your relationship. Then say one clear sentence about why you are there. That one sentence gives you a steady place to land if your voice cracks.

Opening examples

• Hello. I am Maya and I had the lucky job of calling June my mentor for twelve years. Today I want to share how she taught me to ask for help and to keep asking until someone answered.
• Hi everyone. I am Theo. I was raised mostly by Aunt Rosa. She taught me how to fry an egg and how to keep my promises. That is what I want to remember today.
• Hello. I am Ava. I am here because Sam was my chosen family. She made our tiny apartment feel like a home with her ridiculous playlists and her endless care.

How to write the life sketch

The life sketch is not a full biography. Pick the facts that matter for the story you are telling. Use plain language and avoid listing every job. Think about the roles your mother figure played and how they shaped you.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] was born in [place]. They worked as [job] and later volunteered at [organization]. They were a teacher, an aunt, a neighbor, and the person we called when we needed practical help and honest advice.
• [Name] moved to [city] as a young adult. They loved [hobby] and were always first to show up for birthdays and fix broken things. They believed small kindness mattered more than big gestures.

Anecdotes that matter

Stories are what people remember. Pick one or two that show character. Keep each anecdote short with a setup, an action, and a small meaning.

Example anecdotes

• When I was a teenager she taught me to fold fitted sheets by threatening to cancel my music privileges. The threat worked and now I fold sheets like a professional. More importantly she taught me to finish what I start.
• She had a tiny garden on her fire escape that she treated like a sacred space. If a plant was struggling she would talk to it like a therapist. That garden was how she showed patience.
• On road trips she would always bring an emergency snack bag. It had mismatched wrappers and more love than logic. She taught us that making room for extras is a form of care.

Addressing complicated relationships

Not all relationships with mother figures are simple. If things were hard you can be honest and keep dignity. You do not need to air private grievances in public. Acknowledge complexity and point to a lesson or to a moment of closure.

Examples for complicated relationships

• Our relationship was messy. We argued about money and boundaries. Near the end we had a few quiet talks where we both said things we needed to say. Those talks gave me a kind of peace. I am grateful for those small moments.
• She was strict and she expected a lot. I resented that as a kid. As an adult I can see how her expectations were a form of love that pushed me to be resilient.

Using humor the right way

Humor can give people permission to breathe. Choose small, earned jokes rooted in real life. Test them on a trusted friend if you can. Avoid anything that will single out or embarrass listeners.

Safe humor examples

• She had a rule about socks. Socks with holes went into a never ending pile that she swore would someday become a quilt. We never saw the quilt but the pile made us all laugh.
• If you asked her for directions she would tell you a story and then send you three different Google map links. She believed the scenic route mattered.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Do not let the eulogy become a family argument on stage.
• Do not share humiliating private stories or gossip.
• Do not read a long list of dates and job titles without including stories to make the person human.
• Do not lean on empty cliches unless you immediately give a specific detail that makes them true.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples you can personalize. Each one follows the simple structure above. Replace bracketed text with your details.

Example 1: Warm mentor eulogy, about four minutes

Hello. My name is Jordan and June was my mentor for more than a decade. She was the person who taught me how to ask for feedback and how to offer it without making it personal. June came to this city in her twenties and built a tiny library out of her living room. She loved thrift stores, karaoke nights, and an impossible amount of pickles.

One small story that captures her is the time I moved apartments at midnight. I had no idea how to fold a mattress into a car. June appeared with a spare pair of work gloves, a playlist of bad 90s pop, and three friends who showed up because she called them. We ate pizza on the landing and she told me that moving is mostly an exercise in asking for help. That is a line she repeated to everyone she loved.

June taught me to be brave in small increments. She called bluff when I was afraid to apply for jobs and she celebrated the tiny wins like they were full length coronations. She loved loud playlists and quiet letters. I will miss her practical bravery and the way she turned strangers into friends. If you have a June story please share it after this service. Thank you for being here and for holding her memory with us.

Example 2: Short modern tribute under two minutes

Hi everyone. I am Sam and I was lucky to call Rosa my aunt and my guide. Rosa made sure there was always coffee and a spare hoodie. She taught me how to apologize and how to make an omelette when midnight sadness hits. She was small in stature and enormous in love. We will miss her hugs and the exact way she said my name. Thank you for being here.

Example 3: Complicated relationship, honest and respectful

My name is Pri. My relationship with Maria was complicated. She pushed hard and sometimes pushed too far. We had a lot of fights about boundaries and independence. In the last year of her life we had a long conversation where she said I am sorry and I said I love you. That felt like a repair that mattered. Maria taught me to be stubborn about my values and generous about my forgiveness. I am grateful for that lesson.

Example 4: Celebration of life tone with humor

Hello. I am Ben and if you ever knew Pat you know she had two rules. Rule one was show up. Rule two was do not, under any circumstances, leave a party without an extra chair for someone who looks lost. She collected lost people and turned them into family. She also prided herself on having the worst dad jokes. Today we laugh and cry because she made both feel like a gift. Please enjoy the cookies in the back and tell a Pat story on your way out.

Fill in the blank templates

Fill in the blanks and then edit to make it sound like you. Read it out loud and trim anything that feels forced.

Template A: Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Name] friend or family. [Name] was born in [place]. They loved [hobby], they worked as [job], and they were the person we called when [small habit or task]. One memory that shows who they were is [brief story]. They taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here and for supporting our family.

Template B: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Name] was complicated. We did not always agree. We struggled over [small example]. Over time we found moments of understanding. In the last [months or years] we [reconciled had honest conversations]. If I could say one thing to them now it would be [short line you want to say].

Template C: Light and funny with sincerity

Hi. I am [Your Name]. To know [Name] was to know that [quirky habit]. They also made sure we learned [practical life skill]. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. They made us laugh and they made our lives more practical. I will miss their jokes and their exact recipe for emergency pancakes. Thank you.

Practical tips for delivery

Standing in front of people while grieving is hard. These small tactics help you stay steady.

• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is less fiddly than a phone when emotions are high.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines each are easy to manage and reduce the chance of losing your place.
• Mark pauses Put a bracket where you want to breathe or where the audience will likely laugh. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy to a friend, to a mirror, or to your dog. Practice tells your body what to expect.
• Bring tissues and water Small practical things help. If your voice breaks slow down and take a breath.
• Ask for a backup Arrange for someone to introduce you and to step in to finish a line if you need it.
• Mic technique Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak at a normal volume. If there is no mic speak slowly and project to the back row.

When you want to cry while reading

If tears come that is okay. Pause, breathe, look down at your notes, and continue when you can. If you need a moment people will wait. If you cannot continue have a designated person ready to step up. Saying fewer words more slowly often has more power than trying to rush through everything.

How to include readings, poems, and music

Short readings work best. If you include a poem pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long piece. Readings can be religious or secular. Confirm the officiant is comfortable with the piece and consider printing the text in the program. Music choices should reflect the tone and the person s tastes. A brief song clip before or after a eulogy can be very effective.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you will need a microphone or want printed copies.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will stand and how long you may speak.
• Give a copy of your remarks to the person running the order of service in case they need it for the program.

After the eulogy

People will likely want a copy. Offer to email it to family and friends. Families sometimes request that the eulogy be included in a memory book or program. You can also record the audio and share it privately with those who could not attend. Ask permission before posting online if the family prefers privacy.

Checklist before you speak

• Confirm your time limit with family or officiant.
• Print your speech with large font and bring a backup copy.
• Practice at least three times out loud.
• Mark pauses and emotional beats in your copy.
• Bring tissues and a bottle of water if allowed.
• Tell someone you might need a moment and choose a small signal if you want them to finish for you.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who died.
• Obituary A written notice announcing a death that usually includes service details.
• Order of service The schedule for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Officiant The person running the service. Could be clergy, a celebrant, or a trusted friend.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories and photos rather than rituals.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort for people nearing the end of life. It can be provided at home or in a facility.
• RSVP Abbreviation for respond s il vous plait which asks people to confirm attendance.
• POA Power of attorney, a legal role for someone who can make decisions on behalf of another.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am really nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship to the person. A short opening such as Hello my name is [Your Name] and I was [Name] friend or family gives the audience context and buys you a breath to settle. Practice that opening until it feels familiar. It will steady you at the microphone.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you need a few seconds take them. People will wait. If you cannot continue have a designated person ready to finish for you. Practicing a few lines with that person helps so they can pick up where you left off.

Should I include religious language if the family is not religious

Only if it would have been meaningful to the person who died or to close family. If religion was not central choose secular language that honors values and memories instead. A short poem or secular reading can work well.

How do I balance humor and respect

Use humor that is based on a real memory and that is kind. Avoid jokes that might embarrass the deceased or upset listeners. Follow a joke with a sincere line to reconnect the tone if needed.

Can I read the eulogy from my phone

Yes you can, but make sure the screen will be readable in the venue and that the device will not ring. Many people prefer paper or printed index cards because they are easier to handle when emotions run high.

How long should a eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. That is about 400 to 800 spoken words. Shorter speeches are often more memorable and easier to hold together when multiple people are speaking.

Is it okay to record and share the eulogy

Ask the family before posting a recording online. Some families prefer privacy. If sharing is approved add a short note about where any donations will go or how people can share their memories privately.