How to Write a Eulogy for Your In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for your in law can feel awkward, emotional, and loaded with family politics. You want to honor someone who was not your parent but who mattered enough to your partner or spouse that their death leaves a real gap. This guide is a clear, practical plan to help you write a eulogy that is respectful, useful, and true to your relationship. We explain terms you might not know and include multiple example scripts and templates you can customize.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about a spouse's parent, sibling, or extended relation at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, or graveside ceremony. Maybe you were the person your partner trusted to represent their family at the service. Maybe you were chosen because you brought humor or steadiness to the family. Maybe your relationship was complicated. All of those situations are valid. You will find short readings, longer speeches, and scripts for complicated relationships.

What is a eulogy and how is it different from other pieces at a service

A eulogy is a spoken tribute that shares personal stories, reflections, and meaning about the person who died. It is different from an obituary which is a written notice listing basic facts and service details. A eulogy is allowed to be personal and messy. It does not need to list every accomplishment. It needs to tell something true.

Common terms you might see

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the deceased with memories and reflection.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The schedule for a funeral or memorial listing readings, music, and speakers.
• Officiant The person leading the service. That could be a clergy member, a celebrant, or a family friend.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to carry the casket. These are normally close relatives or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering focused on stories, photos, and memory sharing.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. Hospice care can take place at home or in a facility.
• In law A relative by marriage such as a mother in law, father in law, sister in law, or son in law.

Before you start writing

Start with a small checklist. The family dynamics around in laws can be sensitive, so a short planning step will save you stress.

• Talk to your partner or spouse first Confirm they are comfortable with you speaking and ask about tone and any stories they want you to include or avoid.
• Ask the officiant about time and placement Know how long you are allowed to speak and where your eulogy fits in the order of service.
• Check with the family If possible run your main idea or a short outline by a close family member so nothing you say will inadvertently reopen a raw wound.
• Gather material Ask your partner and other relatives for one or two favorite memories and a few key facts like work, hobbies, and unique traits.
• Decide your tone Will the eulogy be mostly serious, mostly celebratory, a mix, or intentionally short and simple? Keep the family culture in mind.

How long should a eulogy be

Short and focused wins. Aim for three to seven minutes which is roughly 400 to 800 spoken words. If multiple people are speaking, coordinate times so the service stays within schedule. A short sharp tribute often feels more sincere than a long rambling one.

Structure that works for an in law eulogy

Use a simple structure to keep your remarks clear and meaningful. Pick three or four points to make and build around them.

• Opening Say your name and how you are related to the person you are honoring. If you are speaking for your spouse, mention that early.
• Life sketch Briefly tell who they were in practical terms. Focus on roles and habits rather than exhaustive biography.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them concrete and sensory.
• What they meant Explain what the person taught you or your partner and what others will miss.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line, a short quote, or a prompt for the listeners like lighting a candle or sharing a memory afterward.

How to open your eulogy

Open by saying your name and your relationship. That gives context and helps you breathe through the first line.

Opening examples

• Hi I am Alex and I am Maria s husband. I want to say a few words about my wife s dad, David.
• Hello I am Jamie, Lydia s son in law. Today we are here to remember how he made every family meal feel like a holiday.
• Good afternoon everyone. I am Priya and I was lucky to call Ruth my mother in law. I want to share one small story that shows how she loved us.

What to include in the life sketch

The life sketch is a quick snapshot. You do not need to list dates or every job. Focus on a few things that ground who they were.

Life sketch prompts

• Where did they grow up and what work did they do?
• What were their hobbies or routines?
• What family roles did they hold like parent, grandparent, neighbor, volunteer?
• What nicknames, catchphrases, or small rituals would people remember?

Anecdotes that actually land

People remember stories not adjectives. Pick one story that shows a trait such as generosity, stubbornness, humor, or loyalty. Keep it short and include a specific sensory detail like sound or smell.

Short anecdotes you can adapt

• Every Sunday he would brew coffee so dark it looked like midnight. If the pot ran out you knew he had been busy doing something kind for someone else and forgot to refill it.
• She wore the same faded cardigan to every family reunion and somehow made it feel like an unspoken blessing that said you were safe to be yourself.
• Once he taught his granddaughter to fix a bike chain and then refused to let anyone call it a practice run. He said fixing things taught patience and pride and he was right.

How to handle complicated relationships

Not every in law relationship is warm. If things were strained you can still speak with honesty and dignity. You do not need to perform forgiveness for the audience. Speak to truth and to what you learned or to a small reconciliation if one happened.

Examples for complicated relationships

• My relationship with Tom was not simple. He was a strict man and we had our differences. Over time I came to appreciate the quiet care behind his rules. In the last year we laughed together over old stories and for that I am grateful.
• She could be blunt and she did not suffer fools. That could be hard to love. Still she taught me to say what I meant and to keep my promises. Those were useful lessons.
• We did not always agree but I always knew she wanted the family to be safe. That intention mattered even when we argued about the how.

Using humor when speaking about an in law

Humor can be welcome if it is earned and kind. Avoid jokes that single out living family members or that reopen old wounds. Small, specific funny moments about the deceased are usually safe.

Safe humor examples

• If you ever needed patience you asked her to bake. Nothing tested a timer like her holiday cookies.
• He had a special way of giving a compliment that sounded like a critique. We learned to take it as love and laugh about it afterward.

What to avoid in a eulogy for an in law

• Do not use the eulogy to settle scores or expose private disputes.
• Avoid gossip, family secrets, or inside jokes that will confuse or hurt people in the audience.
• Avoid long lists of achievements without stories that make them human.
• Do not speak for the family without checking sensitive decisions like donations, readings, or public apologies first.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Example 1: Short warm tribute about a mother in law

Hello everyone. I am Sam and I am Nora s husband. Nora asked me to say a few words about her mother, June.

June grew up in a small town and spent most of her life caring for others. She worked as a teacher and later volunteered at the local food pantry. She had a laugh that started slow and then burst out like confetti. She loved gardening and every plant that touched her hands seemed to thrive.

One small memory I have is of her phone calls after our first child was born. She would call at odd hours to ask if we had slept and then tell us something practical like bend the swaddle this way to keep the baby cool. Her care was steady and often practical. She made ordinary things feel important.

She taught us to be persistent and to show up even when it was inconvenient. We will miss her recipes, her nicknames for the family, and the way she made room at her table. Thank you June for making us feel like family from day one. We will take your recipes and your stubborn cheer with us.

Example 2: Two minute eulogy for a father in law

Hi I am Daniel and I am Miriam s partner. I want to say one quick thing about my father in law John. John loved maps and old jazz records. He taught me how to read a road map and how to listen to people when they are trying to say something without saying it. He was steady and quietly proud. Thank you for showing up for us John. We will miss your maps and your steady hand at the grill.

Example 3: Complicated but honest

Hello I am Kait and I am Eric s wife. My father in law, Marcus, was a complicated man. He could be blunt and sometimes he pushed people away. Over the years he softened in small ways. He taught me to stand firm for things that matter and to admit when I am wrong. In his last months we had a few long talks where he said things I needed to hear and I said things he needed to hear. Those conversations felt like reconciliation. I am thankful for them.

Templates you can copy and personalize

Use these fill in the blank templates and then read them aloud and edit until they sound like you.

Template A: Short and sincere

My name is [Your Name]. I am [spouse s name] [husband wife partner]. [Name] was [a father mother parent role] who loved [hobby or habit]. One memory that shows who they were is [short story]. They taught me [lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here and for holding our family today.

Template B: Slightly longer with two stories

Hello I am [Your Name]. I am [relation]. [Name] grew up in [place] and worked as [job or role]. First a small story about their humor [short funny anecdote]. Second a memory about their kindness [short tender anecdote]. What I will remember is [trait]. Please join me in remembering how they made our lives better one small thing at a time.

Template C: For a complicated relationship

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Name] was complex. We disagreed at times about [small example]. Over time I learned [something true you can claim]. In the end we found a quieter understanding. If I could say one thing now it would be [short line you want to say].

Practical tips for delivery

Delivering a eulogy while grieving is hard. These practical tactics keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is easy to handle when your hands shake.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines each make it easier to find your place.
• Mark pauses Put brackets where you want to breathe or where the audience will react. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read to a friend, to the mirror, or to your phone to get a sense of timing.
• Bring tissues and a glass of water If you need a moment take it. The audience will wait and will want you to be honest.
• Arrange a backup If you worry you will not finish, ask someone to introduce you and be ready to finish a line if needed.
• Microphone technique Keep the mic a few inches from your mouth and speak slowly. If there is no mic breathe deeper and project to the back row.

Including readings, poems, and music

If you include a poem pick a short excerpt. If you include music ask the officiant where it fits. Keep additions brief and purposeful. Check with the family before using religious pieces if you are unsure of the family's preferences.

Logistics and practical concerns

• Confirm your time and spot in the order of service with the officiant.
• Give a copy of your remarks to the person running the service in case they want to include it in a program or memory book.
• Ask about recording or live streaming if people who care cannot attend in person.
• Check whether the venue allows printed handouts or recordings and whether there are rules about photography.

After the eulogy

People will often ask for a copy. Offer to email it to family and close friends. Some families include the text in a memory book. Recording the audio can be a comfort to relatives who could not attend.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given to honor a person who has died with personal memories and reflection.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Officiant The person leading the service. That could be clergy, a celebrant, or a trusted friend.
• Pallbearer A person chosen to carry the casket.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories and photos.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life near the end of life. Hospice can be delivered at home or in a facility.
• RSVP This abbreviation stands for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to ask people to confirm attendance.
• In law A relative by marriage such as a mother in law or father in law. These relationships can range from close to distant and everything in between.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Start with your name and your relationship to the person. A short opening like Hi I am [Your Name] and I am [spouse s name] partner gives the audience context and buys you a breath to settle. Practice that opening until it feels familiar.

What if my partner asked me to keep it neutral but I want to be more personal

Check in with your partner about what they prefer and why. If they want neutral keep it short and warm and suggest a private, more personal conversation after the service where you can share a longer memory with close family.

Should I include jokes about family quirks

Use small, earned humor that centers the deceased not living relatives. Avoid jokes that could embarrass or alienate people in the room. When in doubt keep it sincere.

What if I forget my place or cry and cannot continue

Pause and breathe. Look at your notes. If you cannot continue ask a designated person to finish your last line. Many people plan a backup who can step in if needed.

Is it okay to read from my phone

Yes you can but make sure the device is on silent and the screen brightness works for the venue. Many speakers prefer printed paper as it is easier to manage when emotions are raw.

How long should a eulogy for an in law be

Aim for three to seven minutes. Short speeches are memorable and keep the service moving. Coordinate with others who will speak so the timeline works.