How to Write a Eulogy for Your Found Family Member - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for someone who was chosen family feels different and necessary at the same time. Found family members are people who became family by love choice and shared life rather than by blood. This guide helps you turn memories into a meaningful tribute. We explain terms you might not know and give real world examples and fill in the blank templates you can use. The tone is honest warm and modern so you can speak in a way that feels like them and like you.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone who has been asked to speak about a found family member at a funeral memorial celebration of life or informal gathering. Maybe the person was your roommate your mentor your chosen parent or a friend who was family. Maybe your family circle was made up of people from different cities or chosen communities. This guide includes examples for people who want a short speech for a small gathering and for people who want to deliver a longer story at a larger event.

What is found family and why it matters in a eulogy

Found family sometimes called chosen family are the people you pick to be family. They might be friends coworkers or community members who supported you through major moments. A eulogy for a found family member often needs to explain the relationship for people who knew the person in a different way. You will want to highlight what made that relationship special and how the person carried their chosen roles.

Terms you might see

• Found family People who became family by choice. They may include friends chosen parents mentors and others who were present in life in a familial way.
• Celebration of life An event focused on stories and memories rather than ceremony. It can be casual and community driven.
• Order of service The plan for the event listing speakers songs and readings in sequence.
• Obituary A written notice that usually lists basic facts like date of death survivors and service details.
• Pallbearer Someone who helps carry the casket. Not all events have caskets but friends sometimes take this role.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and support at the end of life. Hospice can be provided at home or in a facility.
• LGBTQ+ An acronym often used for lesbian gay bisexual transgender queer and other identities. It matters because chosen families are common in queer communities.
• RSVP Short for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which asks guests to confirm attendance.

How long should your eulogy be

Short clear and specific is better than long and vague. Aim for three to seven minutes. That usually comes out to about four hundred to eight hundred spoken words. If multiple people will speak coordinate with the organizer so the service stays on time. If you are nervous a shorter focused tribute often feels more authentic.

Before you start writing

Take a moment to plan. A little structure keeps you honest about what matters.

• Check the tone with others Ask close friends or the person organizing the event whether the tone should be solemn celebratory funny or a mix. Found family gatherings often lean celebratory but not always.
• Gather memories Collect quick stories nicknames songs places and rituals the person loved. Ask two or three close people for a favorite memory each.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want people to remember such as how they loved how they showed up for others or a habit that captured their spirit.
• Decide what to explain If the relationship might not be clear to everyone briefly explain what your relationship was and why it mattered.

Structure that works

Use a simple structure to keep your words grounded and memorable.

• Opening Say who you are and why you are speaking. Give one clear sentence about what the person meant to you.
• Life sketch Offer a short picture of who they were and what they loved. You do not need to list everything just the details that illuminate your main points.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that show character. Keep them sensory and specific.
• Values and lessons Summarize what the person taught others or what people will miss.
• Closing End with a goodbye line a quote a short reading or a call to action like sharing a memory after the service.

Writing the opening

Start simple. Your opening gives you a breath and gives the room context.

Opening examples

• Hello my name is Jamie and I am one of Alex s chosen family. Alex was the person who showed up no matter the hour and made the worst jokes feel like medicine.
• Hi everyone. I am Noor. I lived with Casey for five years and Casey taught me that home is more than a place it is the people who let you be messy and loved.
• Good afternoon. I am Malik. I met Sam at a volunteer drive and thirty years later Sam was family in every sense that matters.

How to write the life sketch

A life sketch is not an encyclopedia entry. Pick what matters for the story you want to tell. Mention roles such as chosen parent neighbor friend activist artist or community builder and add a quick detail that makes that role real.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] loved [one hobby] and worked as [job or role]. They were the person who organized early morning coffee runs and late night listening sessions. They built a family of people who felt safe enough to be themselves.
• [Name] moved into our lives through [how you met]. From that moment they became the person we called when things went wrong and the first to celebrate wins however small.

Anecdotes that matter

Stories are the heart of a eulogy. Choose one or two that reveal the person s character. Keep them short and end with why the story matters.

Examples of short anecdotes

• When I first moved here everything felt heavy. They showed up with a stack of mismatched forks and a playlist titled Welcome Home. We ate cereal from the box and talked until the sun came up. That was their way of saying you belong.
• They had a rule that no one left a party without a hug. Once I tried to slip out and they chased me down the sidewalk laughing until I gave in. That is the kind of insistence that kept our group together.
• At every birthday they made a ridiculous banner and a strange cake flavor. We took photos that now feel like a visual map of how loud and tender community can be.

Addressing complicated dynamics in chosen family

Found family can be complicated. People change move or disagree. If the relationship was complex you can stay honest without doing harm. Acknowledge complexity and offer the truth you can own.

Examples for complicated relationships

• We were not always perfect. We argued about boundaries and money and where to place the couch. But in the end they were the person who showed up when I needed them most. That counts for a lot.
• Our relationship had seasons of distance. In the last years we found a rhythm that worked and that rhythm taught me patience and forgiveness.
• They pushed me hard and sometimes I pushed back. Even in our fights they wanted me to be better and safer. I am grateful for that push today.

Using humor the right way

Humor can be a relief at a memorial. Use gentle jokes that are earned and that the person would have liked. Avoid gossip and anything that singles out someone in the room in a mean way.

Safe humor examples

• They believed in organization but not labeling. Their drawer of chargers was a chaotic tribute to optimism.
• They were the friend who would bail you out of a bad haircut and then take a selfie with you to prove that solidarity exists.

What to avoid

• Do not let the speech become a private therapy session or a place for old grievances.
• Do not share private details that would embarrass the person or the family here in public.
• Do not read a long list of accomplishments without stories that make them human.
• Do not use cliché lines unless you immediately add a concrete detail that makes them true.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples that follow the structure above. Replace bracketed text with your details and read them out loud before the event.

Example 1: Short modern eulogy under two minutes

Hi my name is Zoe and I met Taylor at an open mic when we were both terrible at standing up straight. Taylor became the roommate who taught me to cook one dish well and to ask for help. They made a rule that Sundays were for board games and bad takeout. That small ritual kept us sane through job changes heartbreak and moving boxes. Taylor could make a folding chair feel like a throne if you needed it. Thank you for teaching me how to choose family and how to be loyal to people even when life is messy. We will miss your playlists your late night advice and the way you made us laugh until we cried.

Example 2: Longer eulogy for a community builder

Good afternoon everyone. I am Pri and I came to know River through a neighborhood garden project they started because they believed anyone could grow food if someone showed them how. River was a connector. If you needed a job referral a recipe or a listening ear they were there. One Saturday they organized a seed swap that turned into a block party. I remember standing there watching people trade seeds and stories and thinking this is how belonging begins. River showed up for people whose voices were small and made sure they had a microphone. Their values were obvious in the little things like the way they learned everyone s name and the big things like the way they fought for equitable access to green space. I am grateful for having been a friend and for the way they taught us to steward community. Today we carry forward what they started.

Example 3: Honest tribute for a chosen parent

Hello I am Daniel. Maya was family without legal ties. She taught me how to sign forms how to pick a new apartment and how to fold a fitted sheet which is a miracle. She could be stern and she could be tender. When I was lost she sat with me and made tea until I named one next step. That practical care is what I will miss most. If I could say one thing to her now I would say thank you for choosing me and for building a home that was always open.

Fill in the blank templates

Fill in the blanks and then personalize. Read aloud and trim anything that feels forced.

Template A classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [relationship] to [Name]. [Name] was the person who [one defining habit or role]. One memory that shows who they were is [brief story]. They taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [specific thing]. Thank you for being here and for holding [Name] with us.

Template B for community builder

My name is [Your Name]. I met [Name] at [where you met]. From day one they said it was possible to [action]. They organized [project] and they made a point to include people who were often left out. One moment that captures them was [short story]. Their work taught me [lesson]. We carry their work forward by [action the community can take].

Template C for complicated chosen family relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Name] was layered. We disagreed about [small example] and we made up in messy ways. In the end what mattered was that they were there when I needed them. If I could say one thing now it would be [short line you want to say].

Practical tips for delivery

• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is less likely to slip away in an emotional moment.
• Use cue cards One or two lines per card keeps you moving and reduces the chance of losing your place.
• Mark pauses Put a note where you want to breathe or where the audience might laugh. Pauses help you and them process.
• Practice out loud Read to a friend your cat or the mirror. Practicing calms the throat and the heart.
• Bring tissues and water Simple but lifesaving on a tough day.
• Ask for a backup If you think you might not finish have a friend ready to close for you.
• Mic tips Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak slowly. If there is no mic project gently to the back row.

How to include readings songs and rituals

Short and meaningful beats long and unfocused. Choose a two to four line poem excerpt a favorite lyric or a brief ritual like lighting a candle or ringing a bell. Confirm with whoever is organizing the event and provide printed copies if needed. For music place it where it supports the speech such as an intro or a short interlude.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the event organizer if you need a mic or any tech support.
• Confirm where you will stand and how long you have to speak.
• Offer to share your text for the program or to send a copy to family after the event.

Recording and sharing a eulogy

Ask permission before sharing audio or video online. Some communities prefer privacy. If you share include a short note about how people can donate or send messages to the family if that is appropriate.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Found family People who became family by choice. They support one another emotionally practically and socially.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that centers on stories pictures and memories.
• Order of service The plan for an event listing speakers music and readings in order.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and lists basic information.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to help carry the casket in some services.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort and quality of life for someone near the end of life.
• LGBTQ+ Acronym for lesbian gay bisexual transgender queer and other identities. Chosen families are often central in these communities.
• RSVP Request to confirm attendance at an event.

Frequently asked questions

What if some people do not understand our relationship

Briefly explain your relationship in one sentence early on. For example say I am [Name] chosen sibling or I was part of their found family. That gives context and honor to the relationship without needing a long explanation.

Can I use humor in a eulogy for a found family member

Yes small earned humor is often welcome. Use jokes that reveal character and avoid anything that could embarrass or exclude someone in the room. Follow humor with a sincere line to keep the tone grounded.

How do I handle crying while speaking

Pause breathe and take a sip of water. Look down at your notes for a moment and then continue. If you need someone to finish have a designated person who knows the plan and can step in gracefully.

What if I had a complicated relationship with the person

Be honest but kind. Acknowledge complexity and share a small reconciliation or lesson. You do not need to air private grievances. Focus on a truth you can stand behind.

Should I include text in the program

Offering a short copy for the program is a nice gesture. It helps absent friends and family read the words later and keeps the event accessible for people who prefer to follow along in print.

How long should I practice

Practice three to five times out loud. Practice helps your voice remember emotional beats and helps you judge timing. If possible rehearse standing where you will speak so you know how the space feels.