How to Write a Eulogy for Your Firstborn Son - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for your firstborn son is one of the hardest things you may ever do. It is normal to feel raw, overwhelmed, and unsure where to start. This guide gives you a clear, usable method plus real examples and fill in the blank templates you can personalize. We explain key terms, offer grief sensitive wording for different ages and situations, and give delivery tips that actually work. Read through, pick a template, and begin with one sentence at a time.

Who this guide is for

This article is for parents who have been asked to speak about their firstborn son at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, graveside service, or intimate family gathering. Maybe you were the one who named him, changed his first diaper, or taught him to ride a bike. Maybe you are grieving a loss that feels unfair at any age. Whatever the situation this article gives options for short and longer tributes, for infant and adult losses, and for straightforward and complicated relationships.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech that honors a person who has died. It is typically given during a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is not an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that covers basic facts like date of birth, survivors, and service details. A eulogy is personal. It tells a story. It is allowed to be imperfect.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A published notice of a death that usually includes biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The schedule for a funeral or memorial listing the sequence of readings, music, and speakers.
• Pallbearer A person chosen to carry the casket. They are often close family or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories, photos, and memories rather than rituals.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. Hospice care can happen at home or in a facility.
• RSVP Short for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations so hosts know who will attend.

How long should a eulogy for your firstborn son be

Short and focused is usually better than long and scattered. Aim for about three to seven minutes. That generally equals four hundred to eight hundred spoken words. A calm, heartfelt three minute tribute can be more powerful than a rambling ten minute speech. If you are the primary speaker check with the family or officiant about timing so the event stays on schedule.

Before you start writing

Preparation reduces pressure. Use this simple plan before you put pen to paper or fingers to keys.

• Ask about time and tone Confirm how long you are expected to speak and whether the family wants solemn, celebratory, funny, or mixed tones.
• Decide on permission If the loss is recent ask close family whether they want certain stories shared or kept private.
• Gather memories Collect dates, nicknames, favorite songs, small rituals, and funny or tender moments. Ask a sibling or friend to give you one memory each.
• Choose two or three focus points Pick a few things you want listeners to remember. Two or three points give your speech shape and make it easier to remember when you speak.
• Plan your opening and closing The opening grounds the audience. The closing gives people something to hold on to after the speech.

Structure that works

Good structure gives you permission to be brief and honest. Use this simple shape.

• Opening Say who you are and your relationship to the son. Offer one clear sentence about what you are there to do.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview that captures who he was. Use roles like son brother friend father co worker or hobbyist to shape the sketch.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Lesson or legacy Share what he taught you and what people will miss about him.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line or an action such as lighting a candle or a request to share memories after the service.

Writing the opening

The opening helps you and the audience breathe. Keep it plain and true. Start with your name and your relationship to your son. Then add one sentence that sets the tone.

Opening examples

• Hello, I am Amy. I am Joel s mother. Today I want to say a few things about the small ways he made our family brave.
• My name is David and I am Marcus s father. Marcus was my firstborn and my loudest teacher. Thank you for coming to honor him.
• Hi, I m Lena. I am Noah s mom. I will say something about how he loved peanut butter sandwiches and late night star gazing.

How to write the life sketch

The life sketch is not a full biography. Pick the facts that matter for the story you are telling. Focus on roles and moments that show who he was rather than listing every job or award.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] was born in [place] in [year]. He loved [hobby], worked as a [job], and he was always the kid who [small habit].
• [Name] moved to [city] when he was [age]. He later became a father, a neighbor, and a cook who believed anything was better with hot sauce.

Anecdotes that matter

Stories stick. Choose one or two small scenes that show a trait. Aim for sensory details and a tight payoff.

Good short anecdotes

• When he was six he insisted on bringing his stuffed raccoon to soccer practice. He said the raccoon needed to learn teamwork. He taught the team to laugh when things did not go as planned.
• He made a habit of forwarding strange texts to me with one word parent as if to say I am still your son even at thirty five.
• One summer he fixed our leaky faucet and left a note that read mission accomplished which we still keep on the fridge.

Addressing different ages and causes

The tone you choose will vary depending on your son s age and how he died. Below are grief sensitive lines you can use or adapt.

Infant or newborn loss

Keep language gentle and honest. It is okay to name the heartbreak and to say the simple things you will miss.

Example line

We held him for a few quiet hours and already he fit into our hands like a secret. We will never know his laugh but we will always know the way the room felt when he was with us.

Toddler or child

Use simple imagery and small rituals that show their personality.

Example line

He wanted his socks to be red every single day. We will miss the way he inspected every building like it was a castle to conquer.

Teen or young adult

Honor both potential and the person they were right now. Speak to the relationships they had and the ways they tried to find themselves.

Example line

He was a loud presence and also a quiet listener. At twenty two he was already teaching his younger sister how to stand up for herself.

Adult parent or partner

Include roles he filled as a father partner or co worker. Mention small steady things he did for others.

Example line

He was a dad who woke up at three a m to soothe a fever and then went to work like he had not lost a minute of sleep. That is the kind of love he gave without asking for credit.

Examples of complete eulogies you can adapt

Here are several full examples. Replace bracketed text with details that fit your son. Each one follows the structure above.

Example 1: Short gentle eulogy for an infant or newborn

Hello, my name is Claire. I am Sam s mother. Sam came into our lives and taught us how to ache and how to hope at once. We got to hold him for a short sweet time. He smelled like new blankets and possibility. We will remember the tiny fist that gripped my finger and the way his skin fit into my palm. Though his life was brief he has already made us more tender. Thank you for being here with us as we name him and hold his memory.

Example 2: Three to five minute eulogy for an adult son

Hi, I am Peter. I am Michael s father. Michael was our firstborn. He taught us how to be parents in the best possible crash course kind of way. He loved engines and late night pizza and he had a laugh that made strangers pause and smile. When he was seventeen he fixed a neighbor s broken lawn mower because the man could not afford a repair and Michael would not let him go without. Small things like that were his habit. He became a teacher who showed up for kids who needed someone to believe in them. He was messy and brilliant and stubborn in all the right ways. He called me every Sunday even when he said he did not have time. I will miss those calls. If you want to remember him, tell a story to someone who did not know him. Let his voice keep working in the world through our stories.

Example 3: Complicated relationship that still finds gratitude

My name is Rosa. My relationship with Daniel was complicated. We were not always close. He pushed me and I pushed back. In the last few years we found a new way to talk. He called on bad days and brought humor as if it were a first aid kit. He taught me how to let go of small rules and to hold tight to what matters. I am grateful for the hard things and the soft ones. I choose to remember him as the son who taught me to apologize and to forgive. Thank you for standing with us today.

Example 4: Eulogy when your son was also a parent

Hello, I am Maria. I am Jonah s mother. Jonah was a father before he thought he could be. He made pancakes that were either slightly burnt or slightly heroic. To his daughter he was a superhero who could find every lost stuffed animal. He loved with a quiet fierce consistency. When I think of him I think of bedtime songs and the smell of his coat at the door. He taught everyone who knew him that responsibility is an act of love. Please sit with Jonah s child after the service and tell stories about him so the little one grows up with more than just photographs.

Fill in the blank templates

Fill these in, read them out loud, and edit until they sound like you.

Template A Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Son s Name] parent. [Son s Name] loved [hobby or food], worked as a [job or role], and was the person we called when [small habit]. One short memory that shows who he was is [brief story]. He taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here with us.

Template B For infant loss

My name is [Your Name]. Our son [Name] was born on [date]. He was tiny and perfect in the ways only newborns can be. We held him for [time] and already he had a way of making the world quieter and more curious. We will never hear his laugh but we will hold his place at our table and in our hearts. Thank you for honoring him with us.

Template C For a son who was a parent

Hello. I am [Your Name]. [Son s Name] loved his child more than he loved his own coffee and he was bad at making coffee but excellent at calming middle of the night storms. He taught [child s name] how to build forts and how to say I am sorry. We will miss his bedtime stories and the way he made every scraped knee feel small. Please hold his child close and share a story when you can.

Template D For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Son s Name] had its hard chapters. We argued and we forgave. In the end we found more gentle ground than I expected. If I could say one thing to him now it would be thank you for teaching me patience and for surprising me with your kindness. I will remember your stubbornness and your sudden tenderness.

Practical delivery tips

Speaking while grieving is hard. These tactics keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font and bring a backup copy. Paper can feel more reliable than a phone in an emotional moment.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines help you find your place and reduce the chance of losing track.
• Mark pauses Put a note where you want to breathe or where a laugh or applause might happen. Pauses give you time to collect yourself.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy to a friend or to a mirror. Practicing tells your throat what to expect.
• Bring tissues and water A sip of water can steady a shaking voice. Tissues are essential.
• Arrange backup If you think you might not finish have a trusted person ready to step in with a sentence so you can pause without worry.
• Mic technique Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak slowly. If there is no mic project to the back gently and do not rush.

When you start to cry

If tears come that is okay. Pause, breathe, look at your notes, and then continue. A broken voice can be more powerful than a steady one. If you need time to recover say a short sentence like I need a breath and then continue. The audience will wait.

Including readings poems and music

Short readings work best. A two to four line poem excerpt can be deep and manageable. Choose secular or religious readings based on what feels right for your family. Confirm with the officiant and provide printed text for the program when possible. Music can be played before or after your remarks to give everyone a moment to reflect.

Reading suggestions

• Short poem lines that were meaningful to your son or to your family.
• A verse from a religious text if faith was central to his life and to your family.
• A favorite lyric line repeated rather than an entire long song so the moment remains brief and focused.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Avoid using the eulogy to settle family scores or air private grievances.
• Avoid long lists of achievements without stories that make them human.
• Avoid jokes that might embarrass or exclude people in the room.
• Avoid promises you cannot keep such as speaking for the feelings of every person present.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you need a microphone or printed copies.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will stand and how much time you may have.
• Give a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service in case they need it for the program.

After the eulogy

People will ask for a copy. Consider emailing it to close family or including it in a memory book. Recording the audio for family members who could not attend is often appreciated. Ask permission before posting any recording online as some families prefer privacy.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral listing the sequence of events such as readings music and speakers.
• Pallbearer Person chosen to carry the casket usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories photos and memories instead of rituals.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. Hospice care can be provided at home or in a facility.
• RSVP A request on invitations asking guests to confirm attendance.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am too emotional

Begin with your name and your relationship to your son. A short opening sentence such as Hello my name is [Your Name] and I am [Son s Name] parent gives context and buys you a breath. Practice that line until it feels familiar. That small ritual can steady you when you step up to speak.

What if I forget my place or cannot continue

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you cannot continue have a prearranged friend or family member ready to finish a sentence. Many people keep their remarks short with a plan for someone to read a final line if needed.

Can I include difficult parts of our relationship

Yes. You can speak honestly with dignity. Acknowledge complexity without assigning blame. Share reconciliations or lessons learned rather than private disputes. Honest short lines about complexity often feel truer than long explanations.

Should I use a poem or a song lyric

Short excerpts work best. Choose something that was meaningful to your son or to your family. Confirm with the officiant and provide printed text in the program when possible.

How do I balance grief and celebration

Pick one or two tones and stick with them. You can acknowledge sorrow and then invite a lighter memory so people have a place to breathe. A small joke or a warm story followed by a sincere line often helps the audience move through conflicting emotions.