How to Write a Eulogy for Your Father In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Speaking about your father in law can feel awkward, tender, and necessary all at once. Maybe you were asked because you had a close bond. Maybe you got along well but were not close. Maybe the relationship was complicated. This guide walks you through what a eulogy is, how to write one that fits your relationship, and gives ready to use examples and templates. We explain any terms you might not know and give delivery tips that actually work. Read through, pick a template, and start writing with confidence.

Who this guide is for

If you have been asked to deliver a eulogy for your father in law at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, or graveside service this article is for you. It is written for people who want clear instruction and real examples. You might be the spouse, a child in law, a close friend, or a step child. There are sample scripts for tender, funny, short, and complicated relationships. Millennial readers who prefer plain language and practical templates will find this particularly useful.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech that honors someone who has died. It is usually given at a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is not the same thing as an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that lists basic facts like birth date, survivors, and service details. A eulogy is personal. It is a story about what the person meant to you or to a community. It does not need to be perfect.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A written notice of death that usually includes biographical details and funeral arrangements.
• Order of service The schedule for a funeral or memorial. It lists the sequence of readings, music, and speakers.
• Pallbearer Someone who helps carry the casket. These are typically close family members or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories and photos rather than rituals.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort for people nearing the end of life. Hospice care can happen at home or in a facility.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. This may be clergy a celebrant or a family member.

How long should a eulogy be

Short and clear wins. Aim for three to seven minutes. That is about 400 to 800 spoken words. If you are nervous about crying keep it brief. A short heartfelt tribute is often more powerful than a long unfocused speech. If multiple people are speaking check with the family or officiant about total time so the service stays on schedule.

Before you start writing

Do a few quick checks before you put pen to paper.

• Confirm the time Ask the family or officiant how long you should speak and where the eulogy fits into the order of service.
• Agree on tone Do you want to be solemn celebratory funny or a mix? Check with close family so your tone fits the person and the crowd.
• Collect memories Ask family and friends for a short memory each. Specific small details are more helpful than long lists of achievements.
• Pick three focus points Choose up to three ideas you want the audience to leave with. That gives your speech shape and keeps you on track.
• Decide logistics Ask about microphone use where to stand and whether printed copies should be given to the funeral director.

Structure that works

A simple structure makes it easier to write and to listen. Use this reliable shape.

• Opening Say your name and your relationship to the deceased. Offer one sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview of his life in practical strokes. Focus on roles such as father grandparent worker hobbyist or friend.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal his character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Traits and lessons Summarize the values he passed on or the things people will miss.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line a quote a poem excerpt or a call to action like sharing a memory after the service.

Writing the opening

The opening gives you a safe first step. Keep it short. State who you are and how you relate to him. Then give one simple line about what you want the audience to know.

Opening examples

• Hi everyone. My name is Jess and I am Mark s daughter in law. I am grateful to have a few minutes to talk about the way he always made room at the table.
• Hello. I am Omar and I had the honor of calling Sam my father in law. He taught me how to fix a leaky pipe and how to be stubborn about kindness.
• Good afternoon. I am Elena. I married into this family when I was twenty five and from day one my father in law treated me like the child he chose.

How to write the life sketch

The life sketch is a snapshot not a biography. Pick the facts that support the story you want to tell. Dates are optional. Focus on roles and habits that shaped him and the family.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] was born in [place]. He worked as a [job] and later enjoyed [hobby]. He was a father to [names or count], a grandfather, and a friend to many.
• [Name] moved to [city] when he was [age]. He loved fishing Sunday barbecues and telling the same joke at every family gathering. Those rituals were how he showed love.

Anecdotes that matter

People remember stories. Choose short anecdotes with a clear payoff. A good story has a setup an action and a line that explains why it matters.

Examples of short anecdotes

• Once he taught my partner and me how to grill by letting us burn one burger each. He called them our tuition fees and then gave us a perfect steak lesson.
• He had a ritual of calling his grandchildren every Sunday. If the call did not come everyone knew to check that he had not fallen asleep on the couch reading the sports section.
• When I first met him he insisted on showing me his toolbox. That toolbox became his way of saying welcome to the family and I still use his hammer every time I hang a photo.

Addressing complicated relationships

Not all relationships with a father in law are easy. If yours was strained you can still speak honestly with respect. Acknowledge complexity and choose a truth that you can stand by in public. You do not need to air private arguments or settle scores.

Examples for complicated relationships

• My relationship with John had rough patches. We disagreed about lots of things but over time we found a place of quiet understanding. In the end he taught me to listen even when I was sure I was right.
• He could be blunt and opinionated. I did not always agree but I learned the value of saying what you mean and owning it.
• We were not close in the early years. He showed up later in life and in those years he became a steady presence. That change meant a lot to me.

Using humor the right way

Humor can give everyone permission to breathe. Use small earned jokes not shock value. Test them on a trusted family member first. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or someone in the audience.

Safe humor examples

• He had two settings polite and louder than polite. If you left him on polite you might miss his stories but not his kindness.
• Dad loved tools and had a name for every one of them. He insisted that calling a wrench by the wrong name was practically a household emergency.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Avoid turning the eulogy into a family therapy session or a place to settle old scores.
• Avoid private jokes that will confuse or upset listeners.
• Avoid simply listing achievements without stories that make the person human.
• Avoid cliches unless you immediately follow them with a specific detail that proves the truth of the phrase.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples you can copy and personalize. Each follows the structure above. Replace bracketed text with your details.

Example 1: Warm practical father in law, three to four minute version

Hello. I am Claire, his daughter in law. It is an honor to say a few words about my father in law Robert.

Robert grew up in a small town and worked as an electrician for most of his life. He fixed things with patience and helped neighbors after storms. He loved Sunday mornings spent with his paper and a strong cup of coffee. He married Diane and together they raised two children who learned how to be precise about measuring and generous about time.

One memory that captures Robert is our first time grilling together. He showed me how to tell when a steak was done by touch. I failed the first time and he laughed like it was supposed to be that way. He was equal parts teacher and encourager. That combination made him someone people trusted.

He taught us to show up to help without making a show of it and to show respect to people we meet in grocery stores and waiting rooms. We will miss his steady voice and the way he insisted we leave extra chairs at the table. Thank you for being here to remember him with us.

Example 2: Short modern eulogy under two minutes

Hi everyone. I am Jason and I am Amy s husband. Dad loved old rock records bad puns and a backyard that always had room for one more chair. He taught me how to be stubborn about doing the right thing and how to laugh at myself. We are going to miss his laugh and his ridiculous collection of holiday sweaters. Thank you for holding him with us today.

Example 3: Complicated relationship, honest and respectful

My name is Priya. My relationship with my father in law was complicated. We argued about politics and paint colors and whether cilantro is a herb or an enemy. Those arguments did not erase the small acts of care he showed over the years. In his last months he reached across old distances and that reach mattered. I appreciate that chance to know him better and to say thank you for the lessons he passed on even when they were hard to accept.

Example 4: Celebration of life tone with humor

Hello. I am Nate his son in law. If you ever met my father in law you know he had a rule about socks. Rule one was clean socks. Rule two was if you forgot clean socks he would give you a lecture and then a spare pair. He loved practical jokes made from ultimate kindness and he loved seeing family messy and real. Today we celebrate his life by laughing remembering and maybe swapping his secret pancake recipe. Please share a short memory with us after the service so we can keep him close in our stories.

Fill in the blank templates

Fill in the blanks and then edit to make it sound like you. Read out loud and trim anything that feels forced.

Template A: Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Name] child in law. [Name] was born in [place]. He worked as [job] and loved [hobby]. One memory that shows who he was is [brief story]. He taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here.

Template B: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Name] was not simple. We disagreed about [small example]. Over time I learned to appreciate [something positive]. In his last months we [reconciled spent time found a way forward]. If I could say one thing to him now it would be [short line you want to say].

Template C: Light and funny with sincerity

Hi. I am [Your Name]. To know [Name] was to know that [quirky habit]. He also made sure we learned [life practical skill]. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. He made us laugh and he made us feel like part of the team. I will miss his jokes and his exacting way of folding towels. Thank you.

Practical tips for delivery

Speaking while grieving is hard. These tactics keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is less distracting than a small phone screen when emotions run high.
• Use cue cards Small index cards with one or two lines per card are easy to manage and reduce the chance of losing your place.
• Mark pauses Put a bracket where you want to breathe or where an audience reaction will land. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy to a friend to a partner or to your pet. Practicing helps your throat and your breath know what to expect.
• Bring tissues Or a handkerchief. Wet eyes are normal. If you stop breathe and continue when you feel ready. People will wait.
• Have a backup If you think you might not finish arrange for someone to introduce you and to be ready to step in for one closing sentence if needed.
• Mic technique Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak at a normal pace. If there is no mic project to the back row slowly and clearly.

When you want to cry while reading

If tears come that is okay. Pause breathe and look down at your notes until you feel steady. If your voice breaks slow down. Saying fewer words more slowly is often more powerful. Remember you are allowed to be human in that room and the audience will support you.

How to include readings poems and music

Short readings tend to work best. If you include a poem pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long piece. Readings can be religious or secular. Confirm the officiant is comfortable with the piece and consider printing the text in the program.

Music choices

• Pick songs he loved or tracks that match the tone of the event.
• If live music is not possible ask the venue about playing a recorded track between speakers.
• Keep music short and place it where it supports the speech such as before the eulogy or as a brief interlude after a meaningful line.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you need a microphone or plan to hand out printed copies.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will stand and how long you will speak.
• Give a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service in case they want to include it in a program or memory book.

After the eulogy

People often ask for a copy. Offer to email it to family and friends or to include it in a printed program. Some families ask for eulogies to be placed in a memory book. You can also record the audio and share it privately with family members who could not attend. If the family prefers privacy do not post recordings online without permission.

Checklist before you step up to speak

• Confirm your time limit with the family or officiant.
• Print your speech in large font and bring a backup copy.
• Practice at least three times out loud.
• Mark pauses and emotional beats in your copy.
• Bring tissues and a bottle or glass of water if allowed.
• Arrange a signal with a family member in case you need help finishing.

Recording the eulogy and sharing it

Get permission before posting a recording online. Some families prefer privacy. If sharing is approved add a short note about any donations or how people can share their memories. A recording can be a quiet comfort for family members who could not attend.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to carry the casket usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering focusing on stories photos and shared memories.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. Hospice care can take place at home or in a facility.
• Officiant The person leading the service such as clergy a celebrant or a family member.
• RSVP This abbreviation asks guests to let the host know whether they will attend an event. It stands for the French phrase respond s il vous plait meaning please respond.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship to the deceased. A short opening line like Hello my name is [Your Name] and I am [Name] child in law gives the audience context and buys you a small breath to settle. Practice that opening until it feels familiar. It will steady you when you begin.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause breathe and look at your notes. If you need a moment take it. People will wait. If you cannot continue have a designated family member ready to step in. Giving someone a one sentence summary to finish if needed is a simple safety net.

Should I include religious language if the family is not religious

Only if it was meaningful to the deceased or to the family. If religion was not central choose secular language that honors memories and values instead. You can include a short poem or quote that matches the families beliefs instead of a prayer.

Can I use humor in a eulogy

Yes small earned humor is often welcome. Use jokes grounded in real kind memories and test them with a trusted friend. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or upset family members. Follow a joke with a sincere line to reconnect the tone.

How long should my eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. That is usually the right length to be meaningful without taking too much time. If several people are speaking coordinate times so the whole service stays within the planned schedule.

Should I give my eulogy to the funeral home or officiant

Yes. Providing a copy helps the officiant stay on schedule and makes it easy to include the text in a printed program or memory book.

How should I sign off at the end of the eulogy

End with a short goodbye line a quote a brief poem excerpt or an invitation to share memories after the service. You can also ask the audience to hold a moment of silence or to light a candle in memory.