How to Write a Eulogy for Your Father Figure - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing about a father figure feels heavy and essential at the same time. Maybe he was your biological dad, a step parent, a coach, a mentor, or a friend who taught you how to be a grown up. This guide walks you through clear steps to write something honest and usable. You will get structure, examples for different kinds of father figures, fill in the blank templates, and practical delivery tips that actually work. We explain terms so nothing feels like secret funeral language and we give real lines you can borrow and make your own.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone who has been asked to speak about a father figure at a funeral, memorial, graveside service, or celebration of life. Maybe you were the obvious pick because you called him most weeks or maybe you are the person who can tell a story without turning it into an argument. Maybe the relationship was complicated. That is okay. There are samples for tender, funny, messy, short, and longer needs.

What we mean by father figure

A father figure is any person who played a father like role in your life. That could be a biological parent, step parent, adoptive parent, uncle, coach, teacher, mentor, or a close family friend. The key is the role they filled more than their legal title. They offered guidance, protection, or examples that shaped who you are now.

Terms you might see

• Eulogy A short speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died. It is personal and story based.
• Obituary A published notice about a death that usually includes biographical facts and service details. It is not the same as a eulogy.
• Order of service The program for a funeral or memorial listing the sequence of readings, music, and speakers.
• Pallbearer A person who helps carry the casket. They are usually close family or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories, photos, and music rather than ritual.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end. It can be provided at home or in a facility.
• RSVP Abbreviation for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to ask people to confirm attendance.

How long should a eulogy be

Short and focused wins. Aim for 3 to 7 minutes. That is roughly 400 to 800 spoken words. If other people are speaking, check the total time so the whole service stays on schedule. A concise eulogy can be more powerful than a long one that loses the thread.

Before you start writing

Doing a little prep makes the actual writing and speaking much easier. Use this quick checklist.

• Ask about time Confirm how long you may speak with the family or officiant.
• Decide the tone Are you aiming for solemn, celebratory, lightly funny, or a mix? Check with close family so the tone fits the person and the audience.
• Gather material Collect dates, nicknames, jobs, hobbies, sayings, and three short stories. Ask siblings or friends for one memory each.
• Pick three focus points Choose up to three things you want people to remember. Three gives shape and keeps you from wandering.

Structure that works

A simple shape makes the speech easier to write and easier for listeners to follow.

• Opening Say who you are and why you are speaking. Offer a single sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview of the person s life in practical strokes. Focus on roles and passions.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and with a small payoff.
• Lessons and traits Summarize the values he passed on or the things people will miss.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line, a short quote, a poem excerpt, or a call to action like sharing a memory.

Writing the opening

The opening sets the stage and buys you a breath. Keep it simple. Start with your name and your relationship. Then say one clear sentence about what the day is for.

Opening examples

• Hello. I am Alex and I was lucky to call Jim my mentor and my dad in practice if not by paper.
• Good afternoon. My name is Maya and I grew up with Carlos as the uncle who always had extra snacks and even more advice.
• Hi. I am Kevin. Coach Thompson taught me how to run fast and how to say thank you when someone believed in me.

How to write the life sketch

The life sketch is not a biography. Pick the facts that matter for the story you want to tell. Use plain language and avoid listing every job and award. Think about the roles he played such as father, partner, worker, volunteer, or friend.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] was born in [place] and spent much of his life doing [work or passion]. He loved [hobby], cheered loudly at games, and was known for [trait].
• [Name] moved to [city] as a young adult. He worked as [job] and later as [role]. He was a father to [names or count] and a mentor to many.

Anecdotes that reveal character

Stories are the heart of a eulogy. Pick small moments that show rather than tell. Keep them sensory and end with why the story matters.

Short anecdote examples

• When I was little he taught me to change a tire. His hands were steady and he made me believe I could fix things on my own.
• After work he would cook for the whole block if someone needed a hand. He could turn a plain stripe of bread into a feast with a wink and a spatula.
• He had a way of saying I am proud of you in one breath. It was small and it lasted forever.

Addressing complicated relationships

Not every relationship is simple. If things were messy you can still speak honestly and with dignity. You do not need to air private grievances in public. You can acknowledge difficulty and focus on a lesson or a moment of closure.

Examples for complex situations

• We did not always get along. We argued about things that mattered at the time. In recent years we found a quieter respect and that is what I will carry with me.
• He made mistakes. He also tried to fix them in small ways that taught me about responsibility. I am grateful for the effort.
• Our relationship was complicated and also real. I want to remember the times he showed up for me when it counted.

Using humor the right way

Humor can be a gentle breath. Use small, earned jokes that come from real life. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or single out someone in the room. Test a joke on a friend if you can.

Safe humor examples

• He had one pair of socks for dress and one pair for everything else. We all knew which shirt came with which sock and we pretended not to notice.
• He told dad jokes like they were currency. He always thought he was banking interest with us and sometimes he was right.

What to avoid

• Avoid using the eulogy as a place to settle scores.
• Avoid long lists of awards without stories that make them human.
• Avoid private family details that could hurt people present.
• Avoid clichés unless you immediately add a detail that makes it true for this person.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples for different father figure roles. Replace bracketed text with your details and edit to sound like you.

Example 1: Biological father, 4 minute version

Hi everyone. I am Daniel, his son. My dad, Peter, loved Sunday projects, bad coffee, and really loud radios in the car. He worked as a mechanic for thirty years and he was the person who taught me to look under the hood when something went wrong and to look people in the eye when they needed help.

One small story. When I was twelve our kitchen table was a science lab for a school project. The whole project exploded and the house smelled like burned sugar. Dad cleaned up, fixed the table, and somehow made me laugh while doing both. He never made a project failure into a drama. He made it into a lesson about trying again.

He taught me patience and how to say sorry without drama. He showed up at every game even when it was raining and he never missed celebrating a small win. I am a better person because of him. Thank you for being here to remember him and to share a little of what he gave us.

Example 2: Step father with warmth, 3 minute version

Hello. I am Zoe and I had the joy of calling Mark my step dad for the last twenty years. He did not arrive with a manual. He arrived with a toolbox and a ridiculous sense of optimism. He taught me how to fix a leaky faucet and how to trust that people can change. He never tried to replace anyone. He tried to be present and he succeeded.

My favorite memory is of him teaching me to plant tomatoes. He was patient when I killed the first batch and proud when the second batch survived. That patience is part of his gift to me. Thank you for being here and for loving him back in your own way.

Example 3: Coach or mentor, celebratory tone

Good afternoon. I am Sam. Coach Rivera was the person who said you can be better than you think if you show up every day. He pushed us hard and he cheered harder. He believed in small improvements and he celebrated them like championships.

At twenty three I was ready to quit. He pulled me aside, handed me a water bottle, and told me one quiet truth you can keep when the noise gets loud. He said failure tells you where to work next. That one line changed the way I see practice. Today we remember a coach who taught us how to keep trying and how to be kind to our teammates.

Example 4: Chosen family, emotional and short

Hi. I am Nia. Marcus was my chosen father. He was the person at every show, at every strange parade, and at every midnight call. He taught me that family is not only about blood. He loved with a wild, steady generosity. I will miss his phone calls, his recipes, and his habit of leaving the porch light on for anyone who needed a place to sit. Thank you Marcus for choosing us and for letting us choose you back.

Fill in the blank templates

Fill in the blanks and then edit to make it sound like you. Read it out loud and trim anything that sounds forced.

Template A: Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Name] s [son daughter mentee friend]. [Name] was born in [place or year]. He loved [hobby], he worked as [job], and he had a habit of [quirky habit]. One memory that shows the kind of person he was is [brief story]. He taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here.

Template B: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Name] was complex. We argued about [small example] and we healed in small ways. In recent years we [reconciled spoke often built a new rhythm]. If I could say one thing to him now it would be [short line you want to say].

Template C: For a mentor or coach

Hello. I am [Your Name]. [Name] taught me how to [skill or value]. My favorite memory is [short story]. He had a way of [teaching style or trait]. That lesson shaped how I show up in the world. Thank you for honoring him with me today.

Practical tips for delivery

Speaking while grieving is hard. These practical tactics keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font. Paper feels safer than a phone when emotions run high.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines each are easy to manage and reduce the chance of losing your place.
• Mark pauses Put a bracket where you want to breathe or where the audience will laugh. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy to a friend or to yourself in the mirror. Practice tells your throat what to expect.
• Bring tissues and water Keep a handkerchief handy. If you stop, breathe and continue. People will wait.
• Ask for help If you think you might not get through it, arrange for someone to introduce you or to finish a single line if needed.
• Mic technique Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak at a normal volume. If there is no mic, project to the back row and speak slowly.

When you cry while reading

Tears are normal. Pause, breathe, look at your notes, and then continue. If your voice breaks, slow down. Saying fewer words more slowly often carries more meaning than pushing on quickly. You are allowed to be human in that room.

How to include readings and music

Short readings work best. If you include a poem, pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long poem. Readings can be religious or secular. Confirm the officiant is comfortable with the piece and print the text in the program if possible.

Music choices

• Choose songs the father figure loved or songs that match the tone of the event.
• If live music is not possible, ask the venue about playing a recorded track between speakers.
• Keep music short and place it where it supports the speech such as before the eulogy or as a brief interlude after a powerful line.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you need a microphone or if you plan to hand out printed copies.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will stand and how long you may speak.
• Give a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service in case they need it for the program or a memory book.

After the eulogy

People will likely ask for a copy. Offer to email it to interested family and friends. Some families request that the eulogy be included in a printed program or placed in a memory book. You can also record the audio and share it privately. That recording can be a comfort to people who could not attend.

Checklist before you step up to speak

• Confirm your time limit with the family or officiant.
• Print your speech with large font and bring a backup copy.
• Practice at least three times out loud.
• Mark pauses and emotional beats in your copy.
• Bring tissues and a glass of water if allowed.
• Tell a family member you might need a moment and arrange a small signal if you want them to finish if needed.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Pallbearer Person chosen to carry the casket. They are usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories and photos rather than rituals.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end. It can be at home or in a facility.
• RSVP Short for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to ask people to confirm attendance.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Begin with your name and relationship to the person. A short opening like Hello my name is [Your Name] and I am [Name] s [son daughter mentee friend] gives the audience context and buys you a breath. Practice that opening until it feels familiar. It will steady you at the microphone.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you need a moment, take it. People will wait. If you cannot continue, a prearranged person can step in and finish a sentence. Having a short note someone else can pick up helps in that scenario.

Should I include religious language if the family is not religious

Only include religious language if it was meaningful to the person or the family. If religion was not central, choose secular language that honors values and memories. You can include a brief reading or poem that matches the family s beliefs instead of prayer language.

How do I balance humor and respect

Use humor that is rooted in a real story that shows character. Avoid jokes that might embarrass or exclude listeners. Follow up a joke with a sincere line to reconnect the tone. Humor can open hearts but should not be used to deflect grief.

Can I read the eulogy from my phone

Yes you can. Make sure the screen is bright enough in the venue and that the device will not ring. Many people prefer paper or printed index cards because they are easier to handle when emotions run high.

How long should a eulogy be

Aim for 3 to 7 minutes. Short speeches tend to be memorable. If multiple people are speaking, coordinate times so the service stays within the planned schedule.

Is it okay to record and share the eulogy online

Ask the family before posting. Some families prefer privacy. If sharing is approved, provide a short description and be mindful of the person s wishes. Offer a private link for family first if possible.