How to Write a Eulogy for Your Family Member - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for a family member is one of those things you do because you love them and because someone has to put words around a life. It does not need to be perfect. It needs to be honest, clear, and something you can say out loud. This guide gives you a simple structure, examples you can adapt, and practical delivery tips so you can speak with confidence. We explain terms you might not know and include templates you can fill in to save time.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about a family member at a funeral, memorial, graveside service, or celebration of life. Maybe you are the chosen relative because you are the eldest, the most organized, or the least likely to start a fight. Maybe you are stepping up for the first time. This guide will help you plan, write, and deliver a eulogy that feels true to your person and to you.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech given to honor someone who has died. It is usually part of a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is different from an obituary. An obituary is a written announcement that lists basic facts and service information. A eulogy is a personal memory or story that shows who the person was and why they mattered.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A written notice of a death that usually includes biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The sequence of events during the funeral or memorial. Think of it as the program that tells everyone what happens next.
• Pallbearer A person chosen to help carry the casket at a funeral. Pallbearers are usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering where stories, photos, and music are emphasized over rituals.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. Hospice can be provided at home or in a facility.
• RSVP An abbreviation of a French phrase meaning please respond. It is used when hosts need a head count for an event.

How long should a eulogy be

Short and focused usually works best. Aim for three to seven minutes. That is roughly 400 to 800 spoken words. If multiple people are speaking, check the overall timetable so the service does not run long. A tight three minute tribute can land harder than a loose ten minute speech that wanders.

Before you start writing

Good planning will save you panic on the day of the service. Use this quick checklist before you put pen to paper.

• Ask about timing Confirm with the family or officiant how long you may speak and where your words fit in the order of service.
• Decide tone Do you want to be solemn, celebratory, funny, or a mix? Ask close family if a certain tone feels right for the person who died.
• Gather memories Ask siblings, cousins, or friends for one memory each. Small details are more powerful than long lists of achievements.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want people to remember. Three is small enough to hold and gives your speech a clear shape.
• Choose your opening line Practice one simple sentence to start with so you have a steady place to begin.

Structure that works

Use a simple shape to keep your eulogy coherent. You do not need to reinvent the wheel. A reliable structure gives you permission to be concise and sincere.

• Opening Say who you are and your relationship to the person. One sentence sets the context.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview of the family member s life using roles instead of a timeline. Mention jobs, hobbies, and family roles.
• Stories Tell one or two short anecdotes that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Traits and lessons Sum up what they taught people or the habits that made them unique.
• Closing End with a short goodbye line, a quote, or a call to action like sharing a memory after the service.

Writing the opening

The opening is small and important. It names who you are and gives the audience a frame. Keep it simple. Your first sentence buys you a breath.

Opening examples

• Hello. I am Maya and I am Aaron s sister. I want to share a few stories that show how he made ordinary days feel like an adventure.
• Hi everyone. My name is Jose. I am Carla s nephew and I am honored to say a few words about my aunt who always had the best snacks at family gatherings.
• Good afternoon. I am Ben and I am David s partner. We spent fifteen years building a life full of terrible playlists and excellent coffee. I will talk about the small things that mattered to him.

How to write the life sketch

A life sketch is not a full biography. Pick the facts that matter for the portrait you are painting. Focus on roles and habits rather than listing every job or award.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] grew up in [place]. They worked as a [job] and later spent weekends doing [hobby]. They were a sibling, a parent, a friend, and someone who always [memorable habit].
• [Name] moved to [city] in their twenties. They loved [hobby], had a knack for [skill], and made friends wherever they went because they [trait].

Anecdotes that matter

People remember stories more than statements. Pick one or two short stories that show who the person was. A good anecdote has a setup, an action, and a meaning. Keep it under a minute when spoken.

Examples of very short anecdotes

• When I was six they taught me how to make pancakes by handing me a spatula and saying you can burn them and still love them. I still make breakfast the wrong way and feel their patience in the kitchen.
• They started every family road trip with a tiny pep talk about snacks and maps. We still find random receipts with the words snacks and adventure written on them.
• Every holiday they would hide one ridiculous present so someone would laugh. The year of the singing fish is still discussed and that is exactly the point.

Addressing complicated relationships

Not every family relationship is simple. If your relationship was strained, you can still speak with honesty and grace. You do not have to fix every wound on the podium. Acknowledge complexity and highlight what you learned or what gave you closure.

Examples for complicated relationships

• They and I had a rough history. We argued about big things and small things. In the last year we found a quieter place and said things that mattered. I am grateful for that time together.
• We did not always get along. Still, they showed up in ways that mattered. I am holding on to the moments where they were kind even if those moments were rare.
• Our relationship was messy. I do not have tidy words today. I do have a simple truth. They loved in the ways they knew how and I choose to remember the love.

Using humor the right way

Light jokes work if they are earned and kind. Use humor to humanize, not to deflect. Test a joke with a trusted family member to be sure it lands the way you expect.

Safe humor examples

• They ran late to everything unless it was pie. Then they were never late.
• Our relative had two passions, cooking and arguing about cooking. We all learned to nod and taste and then offer a small correction later.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Avoid turning the eulogy into a therapy session. The podium is not the place for extended family arguments.
• Avoid long lists of achievements that have no story attached. People remember a single true moment more than a résumé read out loud.
• Avoid gossip or private family details that would embarrass people present.
• Avoid clichés unless you immediately explain why that line is true for your person.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples for different family roles. Replace bracketed text with your own details. Each example follows the structure we covered so you can edit quickly.

Example 1: For a sibling, three to five minute version

Hello. I am Lena and I am Zoe s older sister. Zoe and I fought about the remotest things and shared the remotest secrets. She was the person who stole my shirts and then returned them with a note that said sorry not sorry and a coffee stain in the sleeve.

Zoe worked as a graphic designer and she loved thrift stores, terrible puns, and gardening. She could find a plant in any city and convince it to live. One small story that shows her is when she built a fort in the living room for a cousin who was visiting for a week. It rained that week and the fort became our entire world. She kept it standing with fairy lights and optimism until we laughed ourselves to sleep.

She taught me to take more risks and to treat Sunday as a sacred day for pancakes and unsent text messages. I will miss her voice, her laugh, and the way she left notes on the fridge that said call me which meant call me and do not make me call you first. Thank you for being here and for holding her memory.

Example 2: For a parent, five minute version

Good morning. I am Amir and I am Hana s son. My mother had an open heart and a closed cookie jar. She worked as a teacher for thirty years and she believed every student deserved the chance to read something that mattered to them. She had the kind of patience that taught without lecture and the kind of stubbornness that taught by example.

One small story that captures her is the summer she taught me to ride a bike. She ran beside me shouting encouragement while wearing a dress and sandals because she refused to change. I fell more times than I can count and she celebrated each time with ice pops and a bandage shaped like a dinosaur. That was her way of saying you can fall and still be loved.

She taught generosity by doing small things, like bringing extra food to neighbors and remembering birthdays that others forgot. I hope to be half as steady as she was. Thank you for showing up today and for sharing stories with us after the service. We will have a table at the reception for anyone who wants to write a note or tell a story so we can collect them for a memory book.

Example 3: For a grandparent, short and sweet

Hi everyone. I am Noah, her grandson. Grandma Bea loved crossword puzzles, old jazz records, and calling us by nicknames that somehow fit better than our actual names. She taught me how to make her soup and how to listen to the weather before deciding if I should take a jacket.

Her life was full of small rituals that made the world feel safer. I will miss her voice and the way she said my name when she wanted my attention. Thank you for being here. Please join us for soup and stories after this so we can keep her habits alive.

Example 4: For an in law or extended family member

Hello. I am Pri and I am Sam s sister in law. Sam joined our family like someone who had always lived at our table. They taught us new recipes, asked about our small wins, and wore ridiculous holiday sweaters with an unapologetic pride. Sam was a connector. They brought people together and then sat at the middle of the table making sure everyone was laughing.

One memory I will hold is the rooftop party where Sam brought a stack of blankets and declared it a movie night. We watched an old film with popcorn and bad subtitles and Sam laughed at the parts we did not even understand. That is the kind of joy they carried with them. Thank you for your love and for the laughs you shared with us.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates as a starting point. Fill in the blanks, read it out loud, then edit to make it sound like you.

Template A: Simple short tribute

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Relation] to [Name]. [Name] loved [one hobby or habit]. One memory that shows who they were is [brief story]. They taught me [lesson or trait]. Thank you for being here and for sharing this day with our family.

Template B: Slightly longer with two stories

Hello. I am [Your Name] and I am [Relation] to [Name]. They worked as [job or role] and spent weekends doing [hobby]. One story that shows their humor is [funny short story]. Another story that shows their kindness is [tender short story]. I will remember them for [trait]. Please join me in remembering one small thing they gave you.

Template C: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Name] was not simple. We argued about [small example] and we also shared [positive memory]. In time we found a small peace and that means a lot to me. If I could say one thing to them now it would be [short line you want to say].

Practical tips for delivery

Feeling emotional while speaking is normal. These tactics make the experience easier and more useful.

• Print your speech Use large font and bring a backup copy. Paper is reliable when emotions run high.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines per card help you keep your place without reading paragraph after paragraph.
• Mark pauses Write breathe or pause where you need a break. A well timed pause gives you space and lets the audience feel what you are saying.
• Practice out loud Read the speech to a friend, to a mirror, or into your phone so you can hear the pacing.
• Bring tissues and water A glass of water helps if your voice tightens. Tissues are useful and expected.
• Plan for emotion If you think you will not finish, ask a friend to be ready to step up and close with a sentence. That can ease anxiety.
• Microphone basics Keep the mic a few inches from your mouth and speak slowly. If no mic is available, take a breath and aim for clarity rather than volume.

What to do if you cry

If you cry, pause, breathe deeply, and look at your notes. Slow down when you speak again. The audience expects tears and will wait. If the tears are overwhelming, hand your notes to a prearranged person who can finish your closing line.

Including readings, music, photos, and livestreaming

Many families want to include readings, music, or photos. Keep these elements short and purposeful. A two to four line poem excerpt is often more powerful than a long poem. Use music as a transition or to frame a memory rather than as background noise.

If you are streaming the service for relatives who cannot attend in person, coordinate with the funeral home or venue in advance. Decide whether the service will be public or password protected. Ask permission before posting recordings online. Some families welcome sharing and some prefer privacy.

A word for social media

• Decide as a family whether to post photos or recordings. Set a clear plan to avoid misunderstandings later.
• If you post a recording, add a short caption with context and a note about donations or memorial contributions if applicable.
• Use privacy settings if you want the post to be visible to a limited group only.

Logistics and who to coordinate with

• Tell the funeral director if you need a microphone or audio recording.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will stand and how long you should speak.
• Provide a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service in case it is needed for the program or memory book.
• Arrange a short signal with a trusted friend who can step in if you need help finishing.

After the eulogy

People often ask for a copy. Offer to email or print the text after the service. Some families include the eulogy in a printed program or in a memory book to be given to relatives. You can also record the audio privately for family members who could not attend. Always check with the family about sharing recordings online.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Pallbearer Person chosen to carry the casket. These are usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories, photos, and personal memories.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. It can take place at home or in a facility.
• RSVP A request to respond to an invitation so hosts know how many people to expect.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship to the person. A short opening like Hello I am [Your Name] and I am [Relation] gives you context and a steady place to begin. Practice that line until it feels familiar. It will help calm you at the mic.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you cannot continue ask your prearranged helper to finish a closing sentence. People are patient and understand that emotion is part of this moment.

Can I read the eulogy from my phone

Yes you can. Make sure your device will not ring and that the screen is bright enough for the venue. Many people still prefer printed notes because they are easier to handle when upset.

How do I balance humor and respect

Use small, earned jokes that illustrate character. Follow a joke with a sincere line to reconnect the emotional tone. Avoid anything that might embarrass others or feel mean spirited.

What if our family wants to livestream or record

Coordinate with the venue or funeral home ahead of time. Decide whether the stream is public or private. Ask family and close friends for consent before posting recordings online.

Should I include religious language if the family is not religious

Only include religious language if it was meaningful to the person who died or to the family. If religion was not central choose secular readings or poems that reflect values and memories instead.

How long should my eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. Short focused speeches are easier to deliver and more likely to be remembered.

Can I give a eulogy for someone I was not close to

Yes. If you were asked to speak but did not have a close relationship be honest about your perspective and focus on impressionable moments or on how they affected others. You can also read a short poem or ask someone closer to speak.