How to Write a Eulogy for Your Family Friend - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for a family friend can feel strange and heavy. They were not your parent and they were not just an acquaintance. They were someone who showed up at holidays, sat on the sidelines of important moments, and sometimes acted like the relative you chose. This guide gives you practical steps, plain language tips, and ready to use examples so you can honor them with honesty and heart.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about a family friend at a funeral, memorial, graveside, or celebration of life. Maybe the family picked you because you were close, or because you were known to tell stories. Maybe you are nervous about public speaking. Maybe your friendship was quiet and steady. This guide has examples for warm, funny, short, and complicated relationships so you can find a tone that fits.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a spoken tribute that honors someone who has died. It usually appears during a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is different from an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that lists basic facts like dates, survivors, and service times. A eulogy is personal. It tells a story about the life the person lived and what they meant to others.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A written notice announcing a death, often published in newspapers or online. It includes basic life facts and service details.
• Order of service The schedule for the funeral or memorial listing readings, music, and speakers.
• Pallbearer A person chosen to carry the casket. They are usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories, photos, and memories instead of strict rituals.
• Hospice A care approach that focuses on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life. Hospice care can happen at home or in a facility.
• RSVP An abbreviation for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to ask people to confirm attendance.

How long should a eulogy be

Short and clear is better than long and vague. Aim for three to seven minutes. That usually equals about 400 to 800 words when spoken. If many people are speaking, check with the family or officiant about time limits. A focused three minute tribute can be more moving than a ten minute speech that drifts.

Before you start writing

Giving yourself a little structure makes the whole process less scary. Use this quick plan.

• Confirm logistics Ask the family or the officiant how long you should speak and where your eulogy fits in the order of service.
• Pick the tone Decide if you want to be reflective, funny, celebratory, or a mix. Check with the immediate family so your tone fits what they want.
• Gather memories Ask mutual friends or family for one memory each. Even small details add texture.
• Choose two or three focus points Pick a few things you want people to remember about this person. That gives the speech shape and makes it easier to write.

Structure that works

Use a simple structure and you will be more confident. This shape works well for a family friend.

• Opening Say who you are and why you are speaking. Offer one line that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a short overview of their life relevant to your relationship. Mention roles like neighbor, mentor, or friend.
• Anecdotes Share one to three short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• What they taught us Summarize traits, lessons, or ways they showed care that others can remember.
• Closing Offer a final line, a short quote, or a call to action like lighting a candle or sharing a memory after the service.

Choosing your opening

The opening clears the throat and gives you a breath. Start with your name and how you knew the person. Keep the first sentence short. Practice it until it feels natural.

Opening examples

• Hi everyone. I am Jamie and I have been lucky to call Ruth a family friend for nearly twenty years.
• Hello. My name is Ken. I m Marta s coworker and neighbor. Today I want to share a small way she made our block kinder.
• Good afternoon. I am Priya. I was David s friend from college. He once saved my term paper and later my houseplants.

How to write the life sketch

The life sketch is not a full biography. Include the facts that matter for the story you are telling. Focus on roles and relationships rather than listing every job. Use plain language.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] grew up in [place]. They loved [hobby] and worked as [job or role]. They were a neighbor to many and a friend who never missed our block parties.
• [Name] moved to our town when they were [age or life stage]. They organized community dinners and could always be counted on for a cup of tea and a listening ear.

Anecdotes that land

Stories are the meat of a eulogy. Pick moments that show who this person was in action. Keep the story short with a clear setup, a small event, and why it mattered.

Examples of short anecdotes

• When my car broke down on a rainy night, they showed up with jumper cables and a warm flashlight and then stayed until the tow truck arrived. They insisted on making sure I had a thermos of tea before I left.
• At every holiday they brought a tray of cookies shaped like whatever sport our kids were playing that year. They never missed our chaotic Thanksgiving and they never admitted to taking the last slice of pie even though everyone knew they did.
• They kept a tiny notebook by the front door with names and birthdays. If they noticed you had a tough week they would leave a note on your porch and a voucher for coffee on their card. Small things made a big difference.

Examples you can adapt

Below are full eulogy examples tailored to different tones and lengths. Replace bracketed text with your details and read them out loud. Trim anything that sounds forced.

Example 1: Warm family friend three to four minute version

Hello. I am Laura. I m one of the neighbors who has benefited from Tom s kindness for nearly fifteen years.

Tom moved onto our street when the houses were still being finished. He had a way of figuring out what needed doing and then quietly doing it. He mowed the elderly woman s lawn across the street, he organized the neighborhood book swap, and he always had an extra folding chair for random guests.

One small memory stands out. The week my husband was in the hospital, Tom showed up with a pot of soup, a toolbox, and a stack of magazines. He refused to let me pay him back. He said that was what neighbors were for. That kind of practical love is typical of him.

Tom taught us that care can be ordinary and steady. He reminded us to check in on people and that showing up matters more than doing something dramatic. We will miss his laugh, his readiness to help, and the way he made our street feel like home. Thank you for being here to remember him.

Example 2: Short modern eulogy under two minutes

Hi everyone. I am Marcus. I m Sandra s friend from the community garden. Sandra had a laugh that sounded like someone turning up the sun. She taught me how to grow tomatoes and how to forgive a burned batch of jam. She made space for everyone and she made us better. Thank you for coming to celebrate her life.

Example 3: Funny and tender for a friend who loved mischief

Hello. I am Tessa. If you ever met Rick you know he had two serious hobbies, telling terrible jokes and rescuing lost dogs. He once brought home a tiny terrier that we thought belonged to someone else. Two months later the dog had a name and a therapist because Rick would not stop teaching it tricks.

Rick taught us to approach life with curiosity and to find humor even when things were messy. He could make a bad day into a story we would laugh about for years. We will miss his pranks, his overly precise chili recipe, and the way he refused to take life too seriously. Thank you for being here to laugh with us and to remember him.

Example 4: For a complicated friendship

My name is Daniel. I was close to Alex for more than a decade. We had arguments that lasted days and conversations that lasted nights. Alex could be stubborn and unclear. They could also be the first person to bring groceries when I was running out of money. In the last year we found a new steady place in our friendship. I learned patience and the courage to speak honestly. I am grateful for that learning and for the good times. Thank you, Alex.

Templates you can copy and edit

Fill in the blanks and then make the language your own. Practice reading aloud and trim anything that does not feel real.

Template A: Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Friend s Name] friend. [Friend s Name] loved [one hobby or habit]. They worked as [job] and they were always the person you could call for [small helpful act]. One memory that captures them is [brief story]. They taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here.

Template B: Light and funny with sincerity

Hi. I am [Your Name]. To know [Friend s Name] was to know that they believed every potluck required at least one overly competitive salad. Their laugh could be heard three houses down. My favorite memory is [funny short story]. They made us laugh and feel less alone. I will miss them and their unmatched salad skills. Thank you.

Template C: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My friendship with [Friend s Name] had its difficulties. We argued about [small example] and we made up over cups of coffee. What I will remember is [positive memory]. If I could say one thing to them now it would be [short line].

Delivery tips that actually help

Speaking while grieving is hard. Practical tactics will keep you steady and present.

• Print your speech Use large font and high contrast. Paper is easier to handle when you are emotional.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines are handy. They prevent you from losing your place and feel less fragile than a sheet of paper.
• Mark pauses Put a dot where you want to breathe or where a laugh will land. Pauses give you time to regroup and let the audience react.
• Practice out loud Read to a friend, a plant, or to your phone camera. Hearing the words helps your throat prepare.
• Bring tissues and water A small bottle of water can stop your throat from locking up. Tissues are a comfort.
• Have a backup Arrange for someone to introduce you or to finish a line if you cannot continue. Let them know in advance.
• Check the mic If there is a microphone, test it before the service. If there is no mic, speak slowly and project to the back of the room.

What to avoid

• Avoid long lists of achievements with no story. People remember stories more than bullet points.
• Avoid gossip or private grievances that will hurt others present.
• Avoid jokes that single out or embarrass people in the audience.
• Avoid reading the speech word for word if you can help it. Natural speech lands better than a robotic recitation.

Including poems, readings and music

Short excerpts work best. If you include a poem pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long poem. Readings can be religious or secular. Confirm with the officiant and provide printed text for the program if possible.

Music tips

• Pick songs the person loved or pieces that match the tone of the event.
• If live music is not possible ask the venue about playing a recorded track between speakers.
• Keep music brief and place it where it supports the speech such as a short intro or a moment of reflection before closing words.

After the eulogy

People will likely want a copy. Offer to email it or to include it in a memory book. Some families ask to include the text in the printed program. Recording the speech can be a comfort to family members who could not attend. Always ask permission before sharing recordings online.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A spoken tribute delivered at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who died.
• Obituary A written notice with life facts and service details.
• Order of service The sequence of events during a funeral or memorial.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to carry the casket, usually a close friend or family member.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering focused on memories and stories rather than strict ritual.
• Hospice Care that prioritizes comfort and quality of life for people nearing the end of life, often in the home.
• RSVP A request for confirmation of attendance on an invitation. It stands for respond s il vous plait which means please respond in French.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship to the deceased. A short line like Hello my name is [Your Name] and I am [Friend s Name] friend gives the audience context and buys you a breath. Practice that opening until it feels familiar. It will steady you.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. The audience will wait. If you cannot continue have a designated person ready to step in. A quick hand signal or a short phrase they can use helps everyone stay calm.

Can I include humor in a eulogy

Yes. Small earned humor is often welcome. Use stories that show character and avoid jokes that might embarrass someone. Follow a joke with a sincere line to keep the tone grounded.

How formal should the language be

Write like you speak. Honest and plain language is often the most moving. Avoid overcomplicating sentences or using formal phrases that do not feel natural to you.

Is it okay to read from a phone

Yes you can but make sure the screen will stay bright in the venue and silence notifications. Many people prefer printed notes or cue cards because they feel more stable when emotions are present.

Should I give a copy of my remarks to the family or the officiant

Yes. Giving a copy to the officiant helps the person running the service and makes it easy to include the text in programs or memory books if the family wants that.