How to Write a Eulogy for Your Ex Wife - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for your ex wife can feel unexpectedly complicated and emotionally raw You might be dealing with grief mixed with old hurt relief or a close friendship remade after divorce. This guide helps you figure out what to say and how to say it. We give clear structure suggestions, real examples you can adapt, templates, practical delivery tips, and a glossary so you do not get stuck on jargon.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone who has been asked or feels they should speak at the funeral memorial or celebration of life for an ex wife. Maybe you divorced amicably and stayed friends. Maybe you shared children and history that requires careful wording. Maybe you split badly and there is guilt or unresolved things. All of those situations are valid. You will find sample scripts for short formal remarks heartfelt tributes and honest but respectful options.

Why this is different from other eulogies

When you write about an ex spouse you must balance truth tenderness and respect for surviving family members. You may need to consider children stepfamilies and the wishes of the deceased s current partner. This guide walks you through those practical and emotional considerations so your words fit the moment and do not cause unnecessary friction.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech that honors the life of someone who has died. It is usually delivered at a funeral memorial or celebration of life. A eulogy is different from an obituary which is a written notice with basic facts about the person and service arrangements. A eulogy is personal it is a memory shaped into a story.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A published notice about a death often with biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The schedule for the event listing the sequence of music readings and speakers.
• Visitation A time before the funeral when people can pay respects and offer condolences.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories photos and gratitude rather than ritual.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to help carry the casket often a family member or close friend.
• Executor The person named in a will to manage the deceased s estate.
• POA Short for power of attorney. This is a legal role where someone manages finances or medical decisions for another person.
• Grief counseling Professional support to help people process loss and mourning.

Should you give a eulogy for your ex wife

Yes you can but first check with the family and the officiant. If the ex was married again or had a partner that survived them get permission. If you share children you will likely be expected to say something. If there are legal or estate concerns ask a family member or the funeral director if your speech is appropriate. Clear communication ahead of time prevents awkward moments in the service.

How to decide the tone

Pick a tone that fits your relationship and the event. Here are common tones and when they work.

• Calm and respectful Use this if the relationship was complicated or if family members may be present who expect formality.
• Warm and personal Use this if you stayed friends or co parent and have shared positive memories to highlight.
• Honest and restrained Use this if the relationship had conflict. Acknowledge complexity without airing grievances.
• Light and celebratory Use this if the family is holding a celebration of life and humor was part of the person s character.

Quick practical checklist before you write

• Ask the family and officiant if they want you to speak and how long you should be.
• Check whether the deceased had a partner and what they prefer about tone and content.
• Gather memories from shared friends family and co parents if applicable.
• Decide on three focus points to keep the speech structured.
• Plan a 2 to 5 minute speech unless you are explicitly asked to speak longer.

Structure that works

Keeping a simple structure will make your message stronger. Use this shape.

• Opening Introduce yourself and state your relationship to the deceased.
• Brief life sketch Offer a few factual details that matter for context like where she lived work she did and roles she played.
• Three memories or traits Share one to three short stories or character traits that paint a picture.
• What you learned Summarize what the relationship taught you or what others might carry forward.
• Closing Offer a gentle goodbye a thank you to the audience or a specific invitation to light a candle share a memory or support the family.

How to handle tricky topics

Some topics are delicate when you were once married. Here is how to address them respectfully.

• Infidelity or legal battles Do not bring them up in a public tribute. Those are private matters better handled in other settings.
• Abuse or harm If the deceased harmed you or others think carefully about safety and the impact on listeners. Consider speaking privately with close family or a counselor before deciding whether to speak at the service.
• Estrangement You can acknowledge distance without blame. A line like We lost touch in recent years but I remember the good times can be both honest and respectful.
• New family members If the deceased remarried include the surviving partner and children in your remarks where appropriate and ask permission first.

Writing the opening

Start simple. Give your name your role and one sentence that sets the emotional tone.

Opening examples

• Hello I am Mark and I was married to Lisa for seven years. I want to say a few words about the parts of her life that stayed with me.
• Hi I am Jenna. I am the mother of Emma and I was Lisa s ex wife. Today I want to remember the way she made every road trip into a small adventure.
• Good afternoon my name is Omar. We split years ago but we stayed close friends until the end. I felt honored to be with her in her last months.

How to write the life sketch

Keep the life sketch short. Focus on roles and habits that matter to the story you are telling.

Life sketch template

[Name] grew up in [place] and loved [hobby]. She worked as [job] and later as [role]. She was a mother to [names] a friend to many and a person who believed in [value].

Anecdotes that work for ex spouses

Stories should be short sensory and reveal something true. Avoid stories that make others uncomfortable.

• Co parenting moment: When our kids were small she taught them to pack their own backpacks the night before school and somehow turned that into a game. That small habit saved us both on chaotic mornings.
• Shared travel: On our first road trip she insisted we stop for roadside pie. She said life is measured in pie moments. We still laugh about how many pies we ate.
• Reconciliation: In her last year she and I sat on the porch and traded apologies. That quiet conversation felt like a gift. I am grateful for it.
• Work ethic: She had a way of turning messy projects into tidy systems. Friends called her the fix it person because she would help people plan their chaotic apartments into homes.

What to avoid when writing

• Avoid airing private grievances or using the eulogy to settle old scores.
• Avoid detailed legal or financial talk unless asked to clarify logistics for attendees.
• Avoid jokes that could embarrass surviving family members or undermine the seriousness of the moment.
• Avoid overexplaining divorce specifics. People do not need the minutiae. Focus on what the person was like.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Example 1: Amicable ex who co parent and stayed friends

Hello my name is Aaron and I am Emma s father and Lisa s ex husband. We were married for six years and after we divorced we shared custody and stayed friends. Lisa had a way of turning ordinary afternoons into intentional moments. She would put on old playlists and braid Emma s hair into impossibly small braids while telling stories about her childhood summers by the lake. She believed in kindness and in making the small details count. When things got hard she could be quietly brave. I will miss her laugh in the kitchen and the way she taught our daughter to look for beauty in strange places. Thank you for being here to remember her with us.

Example 2: Short formal tribute when tensions are high

Good morning. My name is Claire and I was married to Rose from 2007 to 2011. We did not leave each other without scars. Even so I remember Rose as someone with enormous curiosity and a stubborn love of mid century furniture. I am grateful for the years we shared and for the lessons I still carry. Thank you.

Example 3: Honest and complicated with gentle reconciliation

Hi everyone. I am David. My relationship with Maria was complicated. We fought and we learned. In the last few years before she died we reconnected in a way I did not expect. We forgave each other for different versions of the past and we learned to be friends. Maria taught me boundaries and how to be kinder to myself. I am grateful for that second chance at knowing her. I will miss her sharp humor and the way she defended the people she loved. Please join me in a moment of silence to remember her presence in our lives.

Example 4: Light and human for a celebration of life

Hey I m Sam. I used to be married to Ariel and she once insisted that sour cream was an acceptable topping for everything. She was wrong about that but she was right about so many other things like showing up for friends and telling awkward truths with love. Tonight we are celebrating a messy and beautiful life. Eat an extra cookie for her if you want. She would approve.

Templates you can use right away

These are plug and play. Replace bracketed text and then read aloud to make it sound like you.

Template A short and respectful

My name is [Your Name]. I was married to [Name] from [year] to [year] and we shared [number] children together. [Name] loved [hobby or trait]. One memory I will always carry is [brief story]. I am grateful for the lessons she taught me about [value]. Thank you for being here to remember her.

Template B honest and restrained

Hi I m [Your Name]. Our marriage ended and we went separate ways but I want to say this now. [Name] had a fierce way of [trait]. We disagreed about many things but I admired how she [positive action]. In her last years we [reconnected spoke more found peace]. I am thankful for that time.

Template C co parent focused

Hello I am [Your Name]. I share custody of [child s name] with [Name]. She was a parent who [parenting quality]. One small thing she did that shaped our child was [short story]. I know our child will remember [specific image or habit]. Today we honor that.

Delivery tips when emotions are messy

• Keep it short Aim for two to five minutes. Shorter focused remarks land better when emotions are high.
• Practice out loud Read your text to a friend or into your phone. Hearing it helps you refine tone and timing.
• Bring notes Use printed pages or index cards in large type. Your hands may shake and a paper anchor helps.
• Mark emotional beats Put a star where you might need a pause and a line where the audience may respond with laughter or applause.
• Plan for interruption If you think you might cry arrange a short signal with a friend who can finish a line if needed.
• Confirm logistics Ask the officiant where to stand and whether a microphone will be provided.

Handling family drama and living partners

If the deceased had a current spouse partner or close family member check with them before you write or deliver your speech. Some partners want to speak first. Some families prefer that ex spouses do not speak at all. Respecting those preferences prevents escalation. If children are present keep content child friendly and avoid topics that might traumatize them. If tension arises keep your remarks calm and focused on memory not argument.

Practical legal and logistical notes

• If you are the legal next of kin or executor ask the funeral director about your role in the service.
• Do not use the eulogy to explain or contest a will or other legal matters. Those belong in private conversations with attorneys.
• Check whether the family will include your text in the printed program or a memory book and offer to provide a copy if they want it.

When you do not want to speak

It is okay to decline. You can offer a short written statement for the program or record a private message for the family. Saying no does not mean you do not care. Sometimes stepping back is the kindest choice for everyone involved.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial service to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The planned sequence of readings music and speakers for the event.
• Visitation A time to pay respects before the main service.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering focused on memories and photos.
• Pallbearer Person chosen to carry the casket often close family or friends.
• Executor Person appointed to handle the deceased s estate according to their will.
• POA Power of attorney. A legal role that allows someone to make financial or medical decisions on behalf of another.

Frequently asked questions

Can an ex spouse give a eulogy

Yes an ex spouse can give a eulogy if the family and officiant agree. Get permission from the surviving partner or closest family members first. If you share children you are often expected to speak about parenting and practical memories.

What if I had a bad divorce should I still speak

You can if you think you can be respectful and brief. If the divorce involved abuse or serious harm consult with a counselor or family members before speaking. It is okay to decline and offer a written note instead.

How long should my eulogy be

Two to five minutes is a good target. Keep remarks concise and focus on specific memories or qualities. Short speeches are easier to deliver when emotions run high.

How do I mention our divorce without sounding defensive or accusatory

Keep the reference brief and factual. A line like We parted ways years ago but I will always remember her for [trait] acknowledges the past without making it the focus. The goal is to honor not to rehash the breakup.

What if the deceased remarried and the new spouse is at the service

Always check with the surviving partner before you write. Include them in your remarks if appropriate and avoid implying ownership of the relationship. A line like We shared many years and I respect the love you gave her is respectful and inclusive.

Should I include humor in a eulogy for an ex

Light earned humor can be healing but use it carefully. Avoid jokes that point at specific people or that might reopen wounds. A small anecdote that the audience knows and laughs at together can be a welcome relief.

Can I read the eulogy from my phone

Yes but prepare the device so it will not ring and the screen brightness is sufficient. Many people prefer printed notes because they are easier to manage when emotions are strong.