How to Write a Eulogy for Your Ex Partner - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for an ex partner can feel weird, necessary, and emotionally messy all at once. Maybe you split years ago and stayed friends. Maybe you were estranged. Maybe you had children together. This guide walks you through deciding whether to speak, how to pick the right tone, and how to write something honest and respectful. It includes real examples and fill in templates you can steal and personalize. We explain any terms you might run into so nothing feels like insider funeral language.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone who is considering speaking about an ex partner at a funeral, memorial, graveside, or celebration of life. You might be a former spouse, a long term partner you divorced, a co parent, or an ex who remained close. You could be nervous about how family will react, or unsure if your presence at the microphone is welcome. That is okay. There are templates for short, neutral, reconciliatory, and complicated situations.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor and remember a person who has died. It is not the same as an obituary. An obituary is a written announcement that lists basic facts like birth date, survivors, and service details. A eulogy is personal. It is allowed to be imperfect and it is allowed to be short.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A written notice announcing a death with service information and basic biographical facts.
• Order of service The sequence of readings, music, and speakers at the event. Think of it as the program.
• Officiant The person leading the service. They can be a religious leader, celebrant, or a family friend coordinating the event.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories, photos, and personal memories rather than rituals.
• Next of kin The person or people legally closest to the deceased. This matters for decisions about the funeral and who is expected to speak.
• Reconciliation A mending of a relationship. If you reconciled with your ex before their death, that can be part of your eulogy.

Special considerations when writing for an ex partner

Talking about an ex partner is different from talking about a parent or a childhood friend. There are added layers like breakup history, other relationships, children, and family loyalties. Keep these things in mind when you choose what to say and how to say it.

Family dynamics and expectations

Close family members may expect to be primary speakers. Check with the family or the officiant before you plan to speak. If some relatives are not comfortable with you speaking, you can offer a written tribute to be read by someone else or a short memory to be included in the program.

Legal and logistical issues

Sometimes next of kin or the executor makes decisions about the service. If you are not sure whether you should speak, ask the funeral director or the person organizing the service. If you do speak, keep your remarks concise and respectful of family wishes.

Deciding whether to speak

Ask yourself a few practical questions.

• Did you have a relationship recently with the person who died in a way that makes your presence meaningful?
• Will your words support the grieving family or might they reopen wounds?
• Are you prepared to be in the room where family members might be upset with you?
• Would a written tribute or a recorded memory be a better option?

If you answer yes to the first two and feel able to be calm and respectful, speaking is often fine. If you think your presence will shift focus away from the deceased or cause conflict, consider sending a short written tribute, contributing a memory to a memory book, or asking to read one short sentence during the service.

Before you start writing

Preparation reduces stress. Use this checklist.

• Confirm with the family or officiant whether they want you to speak and how long you should be.
• Decide the tone you will use. Will it be neutral, reconciliatory, or a short personal memory?
• Gather a few memories, dates if needed, and small details like a favorite song or hobby.
• Ask any mutual friends or adult children for one memory each to get a fuller picture.
• Plan three focus points you want listeners to remember. Three is a useful limit because it gives shape without trying to cover everything.

Structure that works

A tight structure helps you stay focused and helps listeners follow. Use this shape.

• Opening Say your name and your relationship to the deceased. Be brief.
• Life sketch Give a short overview of who they were. Include roles like parent, worker, artist, volunteer.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and brief.
• Reflection Share what you learned from them or why others will miss them. This is where you can acknowledge complexity honestly and with dignity.
• Closing Offer a single sentence of farewell, a requested action like lighting a candle, or a short quote that fits the tone.

Tone choices and what they mean

Choosing a tone matters. Here are options and when they fit.

• Neutral and factual Use this if the split was recent or if tensions remain. Focus on simple facts and one brief memory.
• Reconciliatory and thankful Use this if you made peace before the death. Share that arc of repair and appreciation.
• Complicated but honest and respectful Use this if the relationship had hard parts. Acknowledge complexity without airing private grievances. Name one truth you can stand behind.
• Light and grateful Use small humor only if the family is comfortable and the humor is kind and earned.

How to write the opening

Keep the opening simple. Start with your name and relationship. If you are nervous this short sentence gives you a moment to breathe. Examples.

• Hello. My name is Alex and I was Jamie s partner for seven years.
• Hi. I am Maya. I dated Carter in college and we stayed close friends afterward.
• Good afternoon. I am Sam. I was Taylor s spouse until we divorced and then we were co parents for ten years.

Life sketch advice

The life sketch is not a full biography. Pick what matters for the story you want to tell. Mention roles, passions, and things that give a picture. Avoid listing every job or relationship. Make it human with a small detail.

Life sketch template

[Name] grew up in [place]. They loved [hobby] and worked as [job or role]. They were a parent to [names or number], a friend to many, and someone who could be counted on for [habit].

Anecdotes that matter

Stories stick. Choose one or two small moments that show character. Keep the set up short and end with why that story matters for you or the group. Good stories have a quick setup, an action, and a meaning.

Short anecdote examples

• When we were moving rooms in our apartment they insisted on arranging the books by color. I teased them. Years later at a family home their color coded shelves were the first thing our children remembered.
• They had a terrible sense of direction. We were lost on the way to a wedding and they laughed the whole time. That laugh is what I remember most because it made chaos feel like a small adventure.
• They were quietly generous. Once they paid for a stranger s groceries when the person realized they were short. It was not a moment of show. It was the kind of thing they did without telling anyone.

Addressing complicated or painful histories

If the relationship included hurt, you can still speak with grace. Keep these rules in mind.

• Do not use the eulogy to air private grievances or seek revenge.
• Acknowledge difficulty briefly if it feels necessary. For example say This was not always easy and move to a lesson or a moment of closure.
• Focus on one honest truth you can stand by. That may be a lesson learned, a moment of reconciliation, or an appreciation for what was good.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are full examples that follow the structure above. Replace bracketed text with your details. Read them out loud and edit until they sound like you.

Example 1 Neutral and short, about two minutes

Hello. My name is Jordan and I dated Chris for four years in our twenties. Chris grew up in Portland and loved woodworking and late night pizza. We shared many friends and some wild travel stories. One small memory I have is of a rainy afternoon when they taught me how to sand a tabletop. It was quiet and focused and it showed how much they cared about making things last. I will remember that careful attention. Thank you for being here and for holding Chris s memory with us.

Example 2 Reconciled relationship, honest and grateful

Hi. I am Laura. After our divorce twelve years ago we rebuilt a friendship that surprised us both. In recent years we spent holidays together with our children and we talked on the phone about small things like a show we were both watching or which recipe to try next. In the last months we had a conversation where we apologized and said the things we needed to say. That felt like a gift. I am grateful to have had that time with them. I will miss their steady humor and the way they always called at exactly seven pm to check on the kids. Thank you for being here with us.

Example 3 Complicated but respectful

Good afternoon. My name is Daniel. My relationship with Amy was complicated. We loved deeply and we also hurt each other. I will not pretend it was simple. Still there were moments I will always carry. She loved late night drive ins and the idea that a road trip could fix a bad week. In the end we found a quieter respect that allowed us both to parent well. If I could say one thing to her now it would be thank you for the things you taught me about caring even when it is hard.

Example 4 Co parent and friend

Hello. I am Priya. We parted ways as partners but we stayed partners in parenting. Sam was a devoted parent. Our kids will tell you about pancakes on Sunday and soccer practices after work. They taught our family how to be consistent and silly in equal measure. I will miss their practical jokes and their reliability. To our children I say hold on to those small routines. They are a map back to the person we love. Thank you.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates and then edit to make them sound like you. Keep them short if you are unsure. Read them out loud and remove anything that feels like it belongs in private therapy.

Template A Short neutral

My name is [Your Name]. I was [Name s] partner from [year] to [year]. [Name] loved [hobby]. One memory I have is [short memory]. I will remember them for [trait]. Thank you for being here.

Template B Reconciled and grateful

Hello. I am [Your Name]. After we separated we found a new way to be in each other s lives. I am grateful for the time we had to say the things we needed to say. [Name] taught me [lesson]. I will miss [small detail]. Thank you.

Template C Complicated but kind

Hi. I am [Your Name]. My relationship with [Name] was complicated. We had hard years and better years. One honest thing I can say is [truth you can stand by]. I choose to remember [memory or trait]. Thank you for sharing this time with us.

Practical tips for delivery

• Keep it short If emotions might run high, aim for one to three minutes. Short and true is powerful.
• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is easier to handle if you get emotional.
• Use cue cards One idea per card keeps you on track and lets you look up at the audience often.
• Mark pauses Put brackets where you want to breathe or where laughter might come. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read the words at least three times aloud. Speaking them makes them feel real and reveals awkward phrasing.
• Arrange a backup Have a friend or family member agree to finish a sentence for you if you need a moment.
• Bring tissues and water Small things like that matter.

What to avoid

• Avoid turning the eulogy into an argument about the breakup.
• Avoid gossip and private family drama that will embarrass others present.
• Avoid long lists of grudges. This is not the place for accountability beyond what the family requests.
• Avoid making the speech about you alone. Keep it centered on the person who died even if your memories are central.

Legal and privacy considerations

Ask permission before sharing recordings or photos online. Some families prefer to keep things private. If you want to post a recording, check with the primary contact for the funeral. If you plan to give the officiant or funeral home a copy of your remarks, ask ahead of time so they can include it in a program or memory book if desired.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice announcing a death that usually includes service details and basic biographical facts.
• Order of service The sequence of events during the funeral or memorial such as readings music and speakers.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. They can help coordinate speakers and timing.
• Next of kin The person legally closest to the deceased who may make funeral decisions.
• Celebration of life A gathering that tends to be less formal and more focused on stories and photos.
• RSVP An abbreviation from French that asks guests to confirm attendance. It stands for respond s il vous plait which means please respond.

Frequently asked questions

Can I give a eulogy for an ex partner if we were estranged

Yes you can but check with the family or the officiant first. If the family prefers you not speak you can provide a written memory to be included in the program or recorded privately for the family.

What if family members are upset that I am speaking

Speak with the family or officiant ahead of time. If they are uncomfortable you can offer a shorter tribute or ask someone from the family to read your words. Respecting the family s wishes usually keeps the focus on the deceased.

Should I mention the breakup

Only if it helps the story you want to tell and you can do so without blame or detail that hurts others. A simple line like We had our differences but we found respect later is often enough if reconciliation was part of the story.

How long should my eulogy be

One to five minutes is a good target. If you are nervous keep it closer to one to two minutes. Shorter speeches are often more memorable and less likely to cause conflict.

Can I use humor

You can use gentle earned humor if the family is comfortable. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or single out other mourners. Test a joke with a trusted friend first.

Is it OK to read from my phone

Yes but make sure the screen will be visible in the venue and silence notifications. Paper often feels steadier in emotional moments.

What if I need to stop because I am crying

Pause and breathe. Look down at your notes. If you cannot continue ask a friend or family member to finish a sentence or two. People will wait and most will be understanding.