How to Write a Eulogy for Your Distant Cousin - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Being asked to speak for a cousin you did not see often feels awkward and heavy at the same time. You want to honor them without pretending you knew everything about their life. This guide walks you through honest, usable approaches for situations where your cousin was distant, where you reconnected late, or where you were actually close despite the family map. You will find sample speeches, fill in the blank templates, delivery tips, and a glossary of terms so nothing feels confusing.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone who needs to write or deliver a eulogy for a cousin who was not part of their daily life. Maybe you were chosen because you are the relative who lives closest, or because you were the cousin who saw them most recently, or because you have a calm voice and the family trusted you. It is also for people who are worried about saying something wrong when they did not share an everyday relationship.

What is a eulogy and why it matters

A eulogy is a short speech given at a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life to honor the person who died. It is a personal remembrance. It differs from an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that shares facts like birth date, survivors, and service details. A eulogy is a story, even if the story is short and simple.

Useful terms explained

• Obituary A written announcement about a death that usually includes basic information about the person and service details.
• Order of service The planned sequence of events at a funeral or memorial. Think of it as the event program.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering focusing on stories, photos, and memory sharing.
• Officiant The person leading the service. This may be a clergy person, a celebrant, or a family member.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to help carry the casket. Usually close family or friends fill this role.
• Hospice A care approach that focuses on comfort when someone is near the end of life. Hospice can be provided at home or in a facility.
• RSVP Short for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. You will see this on invitations when hosts need a head count.
• Bereavement leave Time off from work that an employer gives an employee to grieve or attend services.

How to approach a eulogy when the cousin was distant

Start by accepting that your speech does not need to be exhaustive. Many people will value honesty more than an elaborate narrative. The goal is to offer a respectful, truthful portrait that helps the room remember and grieve. Use these steps as a loose plan.

Step one. Gather quick facts

Collect the basics so your remarks feel grounded. Ask immediate family or the person who asked you to speak for the full name they preferred, age, city of residence, occupation if known, and any surviving family members who should be acknowledged. If you are unsure about a detail, ask rather than guess.

Step two. Ask for stories

Even distant cousins have stories. Reach out to siblings, parents, or other cousins who knew them better and ask for one short memory each. People often appreciate being asked for a single story. You can then weave one or two of those stories into your remarks and give credit to the person who shared them.

Step three. Use public sources gently

If family sources are limited try social media profiles, public obituaries, or work bios. Be careful not to rely on secondhand claims without confirming them. Social media can give you a sense of hobbies, favorite music, or causes they supported. Those details make a short eulogy feel personal.

Step four. Pick a single thread

Choose one focus for your speech. This could be a trait like kindness, a hobby like gardening, or a role such as mentor. Narrowing to one thread keeps the speech simple and memorable even if you did not know the person well.

Structure that works for a distant cousin

When time and knowledge are limited use this basic shape.

• Opening State your name and your relationship to the deceased. Keep it one sentence.
• Life sketch Offer a brief factual outline. Keep it to one or two sentences.
• Memory or theme Tell one story or summarize one theme you heard from others and why it matters.
• Closing Offer a short farewell line and a call to remember or to support the family.

What to say if you barely knew them

Being honest is the best policy. A short honest speech is better than filler. Here are short openers and lines you can adapt.

• Hi everyone. I am Alex. I am a cousin on the [family name] side. I did not see Jamie often but I was always impressed by their way of making everyone feel welcome when we did get together.
• My name is Maya. I did not grow up with Tom but I learned through family stories that he loved old jazz and his dog Sasha. Those small facts say a lot about him.
• I am Chris. I want to be honest. I did not know Sam well. What I do know is that Sam cared about backyard projects and family barbecues. I am grateful to have been welcomed into a memory that included laughter and good food.

Examples you can adapt

Below are full example eulogies you can personalize. Replace bracketed text with your details and keep the tone natural. Read them aloud and make small edits until they sound like you.

Example one. Short and sincere when you barely knew them

Hello. My name is Elena and I am a cousin. I did not grow up with James but I want to say one short thing. When our family came together for holidays James always brought a dessert and a story. People laughed when he arrived and that is the small gift we will miss. I am grateful for those warm, loud moments. Please join me in keeping that easy smile alive in our memories.

Example two. Three to five minute version using a shared memory from another relative

Hi. I am Marcus, a cousin. I asked Lila to tell me one memory she would like shared. She told me that when they were teenagers my cousin used to take care of stray animals. Lila remembers how he once rescued a small dog from behind the grocery store and they nursed it back to health. That story seemed to fit who he was. He did not have many pages in family photo albums but he had a patient, steady heart that turned up for creatures and people who needed help. Today we remember that kindness. We offer our support to his family and we bring with us the small patience he showed. Thank you.

Example three. If you reconnected in the last years

My name is Pri. Our lives went different ways and we lost touch for years. In the last two years I got to know Sara again. We texted about the same silly shows and when she told me about her woodworking I was surprised to find how proud she was of a simple chair she made for her niece. That chair felt like the gift of her patience. She was quietly proud and fiercely generous. I am honored to have had those last conversations and to have seen how her life softened into small, steady joys. I will miss her voice and the way she celebrated tiny achievements.

Example four. For a ceremony with many speakers and limited time

Hello. I am Ben, a cousin. My remarks are brief. I want to say thank you to everyone who is here for the family. My cousin loved a small ritual of Sunday soccer and a bad joke. That smallness mattered and it was the kind of thing that made being together simple and good. We will miss him. Please support one another in the days ahead.

Templates you can fill in

Use these templates for quick drafting. Keep edits to match your voice.

Template A. One minute short

Hi. I am [Your Name] and I am [Cousin Name] cousin. I did not see [Cousin Name] often but when I did we always [small memory or habit]. That memory shows the kind of person they were. I want to thank [immediate family] for letting us gather and remember. We will miss [short quality].

Template B. Two to four minute with one borrowed story

My name is [Your Name]. I am a cousin. I asked [Relative Name] to share a memory and they told me about [short story]. That story showed [trait]. Even though we were not close all the time that trait made an impact. I am grateful for the chance to say thank you to [Cousin Name] for that gift. Please keep [family] in your thoughts and hands in the coming days.

Template C. If you reconnected late

Hi. I m [Your Name]. We reconnected in the last [months years]. What I learned in that time is that [Cousin Name] loved [hobby trait or value]. We laughed about [small moment]. Those last conversations were a gift and I will carry them with me. Thank you for sharing them today.

What to avoid saying

• Avoid inventing details. If you are not sure of a fact ask or leave it out.
• Avoid long lists of jobs or awards without a human detail to make them feel real.
• Avoid private disputes. A funeral is not the place to air family conflict.
• Avoid over explaining why you were distant. Short honesty is better than long justification.

How to handle complex family dynamics

If family relationships are tense you can focus on shared human qualities instead of taking sides. Acknowledge complexity in one gentle sentence if it feels right. For example you might say I know their relationships were sometimes complicated. In the end the thing I remember most is their love for [child hobby or cause]. Balance honesty with compassion.

Using humor when you had limited contact

Humor can be fine if it is gentle and grounded in truth. Choose light details that do not embarrass. For example a joke about their obsession with a particular snack or a harmless ritual can work. Test a joke with a close family member before you use it in the room.

Delivery tips when you are nervous

• Keep it short When you feel shaky shorter is better and more likely to be remembered.
• Print it out Use large font and double space. Index cards with one or two lines each work well.
• Practice out loud Read the speech to a friend or alone in your car. Practice helps your voice find a steady pace.
• Mark pauses Put a note where you want to breathe or where the audience might laugh. Pauses are powerful and give you time to regroup.
• Bring water A sip before you speak helps. Keep a tissue handy.
• Ask for help If you think you might not finish ask a trusted person to stand by to read the last line or two.
• Use memory aids If you are worried about names or dates write them on a small card so you can check quickly.

What to do if you cry

It happens. Pause, breathe, take a sip of water, and continue. The room will wait for you. If you cannot continue ask your helper to step in. Many people find that a broken voice makes a line more memorable. Be gentle with yourself.

Logistics and permissions

Check these practical items before you deliver remarks.

• Confirm your speaking time with the person running the service.
• Ask if a microphone will be available and where to stand.
• Give a copy of your remarks to the officiant or to the person coordinating the order of service.
• Get permission before sharing photos or recordings of the service online.
• Coordinate with other speakers so timing is fair and the service flows.

How to close your remarks

A closing should be short and clear. Offer a goodbye, a brief wish, or a call to action such as inviting people to share memories after the service. Examples include

• We will miss [Cousin Name]. Rest in peace.
• Please join us after the service to share a story and a hug.
• Let us remember the kindness they showed us and try to pass it on.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice announcing a death that often includes service details.
• Order of service The sequence of events at a funeral or memorial.
• Officiant Person who leads the ceremony.
• Pallbearer Person chosen to carry the casket, usually a close family member or friend.
• Celebration of life A more casual event focusing on memory sharing.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life near the end of life.
• RSVP A request to respond so hosts know who will attend.
• Bereavement leave Time off from work to grieve or attend services.

Frequently asked questions

Can I give a eulogy if I did not know my cousin well

Yes. Keep it short and honest. Acknowledge that you did not see them often and then share one truth you learned from family or public sources. People appreciate sincerity.

How long should a eulogy for a distant cousin be

One to five minutes is a good target. Short speeches are often more meaningful and easier to deliver when you are not close to the person.

What if I am unsure about a detail

Ask for confirmation from the family. If you cannot confirm a fact leave it out. Honest omissions are better than incorrect claims.

Is it okay to read a story another relative gave me

Yes. Credit the person who shared the story. For example say Lila asked me to share this memory. That shows you are relaying what mattered to someone who knew them.

Should I use humor

Light gentle humor can be welcome. Avoid anything that could embarrass the deceased or cause tension. Test jokes with a trusted family member first.

Can I record the eulogy and share it online

Ask permission from the family before posting. Some families prefer privacy. If sharing is allowed include a short note about why you are sharing the recording.