How to Write a Eulogy for Your Deacon - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for a deacon can feel like carrying a lot of quiet responsibility. Deacons are often pillars in both church and community life. You want to honor their ministry and their personal side. This guide walks you through practical steps, tone choices, sample scripts you can adapt, and delivery tips so you can speak clearly and from the heart. We explain any church terms you might not know and give templates for short and longer tributes.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about a deacon at a funeral, memorial, memorial service, celebration of life, or graveside gathering. Maybe you are a family member, a fellow deacon, a pastor, a lay leader, or a congregation member who saw leadership in action. Maybe the deacon was a mentor to you. This guide has sample scripts for solemn, celebratory, clergy led, and brief graveside needs.

What is a deacon

A deacon is a church leader whose role varies by denomination. In many churches deacons serve by caring for people, organizing practical help, assisting during services, and acting as a bridge between clergy and congregation. The role can be formal with ordination or less formal depending on the tradition. The important thing for a eulogy is to capture both the deacon s ministry and their human side.

Terms you might see

• Eulogy A speech that honors a person who has died. It is usually given during a funeral or memorial.
• Homily A short sermon given by a clergy person. A homily reflects on scripture and often appears in worship services.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and gives basic facts and service details.
• Order of service The plan or program for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Visitation A time when friends and family gather to offer condolences before a funeral service.
• Pallbearer A person who helps carry the casket. Pallbearers are often family or close friends.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. This could be a pastor, priest, minister, or lay leader.
• Celebration of life A less formal event that focuses on stories, photos, and memory sharing.
• R S V P An abbreviation of the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. You may see it on invitations.
• Eucharist A sacrament also called communion in some traditions. It is a shared ritual meal that can be part of a funeral service in some churches.

Before you start writing

Take a small pause and check a few things before you begin writing. These steps remove guesswork.

• Talk to the officiant Confirm how long you are expected to speak and where your remarks fit in the order of service. Some churches have specific liturgical expectations.
• Check with family Make sure the family is comfortable with what you plan to say, especially if you will mention sensitive matters.
• Decide on tone Will this be formal, pastoral, conversational, slightly humorous, or deeply reflective? Match the tone to the congregation and to the deacon s personality.
• Gather memories Ask family members, fellow deacons, and congregation members for one memory each. Short concrete moments are more useful than long lists of titles.
• Pick two or three focus points Aim for three memory points such as service to the church, acts of care, and a personal trait. That gives your remarks shape.

Structure that works for a deacon's eulogy

Structure gives you permission to be simple and clear. Use a shape that guides listeners through a small story.

• Opening Say who you are and your connection to the deacon. Offer a single sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Brief, practical overview of ministry and family life. This is not a full biography.
• Anecdotes One or two short stories that reveal character and ministry in action.
• Impact Explain what the deacon taught others or what people will miss.
• Closing Offer a final sentence such as a blessing, a scripture verse, or an invitation to remember the deacon in a concrete way.

Tone and religious language

Deacons occupy a religious role. That means scripture and liturgical language can be appropriate but only if the family and congregation expect it. If the deacon served multiple communities with different traditions, choose inclusive language. If the service is non denominational keep religious references brief and meaningful.

When to use scripture

Pick short verses with clear resonance. Psalm 23 and Romans 8 are commonly used because they are familiar and comforting. If you quote scripture, read just a short excerpt instead of a long passage.

When to stay secular

If the family prefers less overtly religious language speak about service, kindness, and community in plain words. Mention spiritual care without invoking specific rituals when you are unsure.

What to include in the life sketch

The life sketch is small but important. Think roles not a resume.

• Where the deacon was from and a quick note on family.
• How and when the deacon served in the church and the sort of tasks they handled.
• Other roles such as job, volunteer work, or civic activities.
• Any awards or formal recognitions only if they illustrate character rather than inflate the list.

Anecdotes that matter

Stories are the oxygen in any eulogy. For a deacon consider stories that show care in action. Keep each story short and aim for sensory detail and a small payoff.

Examples of helpful anecdotes

• When a family had no ride to the hospital the deacon drove through a storm and arrived with coffee and a calm presence.
• At a Christmas outreach the deacon stayed late to wrap gifts and quietly learned every child s name so each package could be labeled with love.
• During services the deacon had a habit of tapping the pew on the aisle after communion to make sure elders had settled comfortably. People remember that small courtesy.

How to handle church protocol and roles

Every church has its own expectations. Confirm practical things before you write so your words fit the flow of the service.

• Ask if the eulogy will be part of a liturgical sequence and where it sits.
• Find out whether a homily will be given by clergy and whether your words should be brief remarks rather than a full speech.
• Decide with the officiant whether to include a scripture reading or a hymn where you will speak afterward.
• Check if the church prefers readings from printed programs rather than unscripted remarks. You may be asked to submit your text for printing.

Using humor respectfully

Humor can give permission to breathe in a room that is grieving. Use small earned moments not shock value. Church audiences appreciate humor that highlights kindness and human foibles without making the person sound small.

Safe humor examples

• He had a habit of labeling everything in the church kitchen. We joke that he left a label on the label maker so no one could claim it was unmarked.
• She loved process. If the bulletin said order of service she would politely remind you that order matters.

What to avoid

• Avoid lengthy lists of church committees without stories to make the items human.
• Avoid private grievances or unresolved conflicts as a public airing.
• Avoid theological debate in a eulogy unless it was central to the deacon s life and is handled with sensitivity.
• Avoid reading a long resume of roles. Focus on a few meaningful contributions.

Sample eulogies you can adapt

Below are full examples that follow the structure above. Replace bracketed text with your details and read them aloud to make the voice sound natural.

Example 1 Short and pastoral two to three minutes

Hello. My name is Maria and I served with Deacon James on our outreach team. James taught us what steady compassion looks like. He was the person who would show up in the rain with an umbrella and a casserole. He loved the hymn Amazing Grace and he loved people more. One time a newcomer arrived late and flustered. James took her hand, gave her a warm seat, and introduced her around like she had always belonged. That was James. He made space for strangers and made home for the lonely. We will miss his careful hands and his ready laugh. Let us hold his example of small acts of care in our hearts and keep living with his kindness as a guide.

Example 2 Medium length for a church funeral five to seven minutes

Good afternoon. I am Pastor Claire s assistant and a fellow servant in the community. Deacon Ruth served at our church for over twenty five years. She coordinated our meal train, led the visitation ministry, and quietly paid for needs she discovered without making a scene. Ruth had a rule for hospitality. She said that if someone came to the door hungry you did not ask questions first you offered bread. That discipline shaped our congregation. One story that captures her is the winter a single father and his kids arrived on Christmas Eve with only a backpack. Ruth spent the night making sure they had warm coats and a place to sleep. She then organized a scholarship for the children s school supplies. Ruth taught us that ministry can look like good food, warm blankets, and practical follow up. We will miss her firm generosity. May we keep passing on the care she gave so freely.

Example 3 Graveside short and simple under two minutes

Hello. I am Ben and I served with Deacon Samuel in the deacon board. Samuel loved the early morning quiet. He could be found opening the church two hours before service to set up coffee and light a candle. He believed simple rituals help people feel seen. Today we remember his calm presence and his habit of arriving early so others could be ready. Thank you for being here to honor him.

Example 4 For a celebration of life with warmth and humor

Hi everyone. I am Aisha and I want to say something about Deacon Tom that shows his personality. Tom had two certainties in life. One was that his sermon notes needed color coding. Two was that he could not resist a good joke at the coffee hour. He could fix a leaky faucet and a bad mood in the same afternoon. More importantly he taught people how to laugh together when life felt heavy. Today we celebrate the laughter and the service and we promise to share his jokes at every coffee hour for as long as we meet. He would want us to laugh and then get back to doing the work he cared about.

Fill in the blank templates

Use a template and personalize it. Read it aloud and cut anything that feels performative.

Template A Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I served with [Deacon s Name] on [team or ministry]. [Deacon s Name] was born in [place] and served our community by [brief description of tasks]. One memory that shows who they were is [brief story]. They taught us [value]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here to honor [Deacon s Name].

Template B For a longer church funeral

Hello. I am [Your Name]. [Deacon s Name] served as a deacon at our church for [years]. They organized [ministries], led [teams], and were the person who made sure [practical example]. One story that matters is [anecdote]. That story shows how [character trait]. If I could say one final thing to them it would be [a short line of gratitude or farewell].

Template C Short graveside remark

I am [Your Name]. [Deacon s Name] believed in small kindnesses. One small kindness I will always remember is [memory]. Today we remember those simple steady acts and how they shaped our lives.

Delivery tips for church settings

• Coordinate with clergy Know where to stand and whether to speak from the lectern or from your seat.
• Use printed copies Bring a printed copy with large font. If the church uses a podium you can rest it there rather than hold it.
• Keep it concise Church services often have many parts. Short clear remarks are usually appreciated.
• Mark pauses Pauses let the congregation respond with memory or silence and gives you a moment to breathe.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy once or twice in the room if possible to get used to the acoustics.
• Be mindful of music Coordinate with the choir or music director if you will follow a hymn or be followed by one.
• Bring water Speaking while emotional dries the throat. A small sip helps keep your voice steady.

After the eulogy

People often ask for a copy. Offer to email the text to family and church staff. The church may want to include the eulogy in a memory book or the printed program. If a recording is made ask permission before posting it online. Some families prefer privacy and some want to share widely.

Checklist before you speak

• Confirm your time limit with the officiant or family.
• Print your speech with a backup copy.
• Practice at least twice out loud.
• Mark emotional beats and pauses in your copy.
• Coordinate with the music leader and the person running the order of service.
• Bring tissues and a sip of water.
• Let someone know if you may need a moment and arrange a signal if you want help finishing a final line.

Glossary of useful church terms and acronyms

• Deacon A church leader who serves the congregation and community through care and practical support.
• Homily A short sermon often given during a worship service.
• Order of service The printed or announced sequence of events during a funeral or memorial.
• Visitation A time to meet with family and pay respects before the funeral.
• Pallbearer Person who assists in carrying the casket.
• Officiant The person leading the funeral service.
• Eucharist A ritual of communion in some Christian traditions.
• R S V P A request to respond to an invitation.
• Celebration of life A gathering that focuses on memories and stories rather than ritual order.

Frequently asked questions

How long should a eulogy for a deacon be

Keep it short and focused. Aim for three to seven minutes. Short remarks often have more impact and leave space for other parts of the service.

Should I include scripture or a prayer

Only if the family and officiant are comfortable with it. Short scripture excerpts and brief prayers can be powerful. Ask the pastor or officiant for guidance.

Can a fellow deacon give the eulogy or is it better to have clergy do it

Both are appropriate. A fellow deacon can speak with intimacy about ministry details. Clergy often integrate theological reflection. Coordinate so remarks do not repeat each other.

What if the deacon had controversial moments in ministry

Be honest without making a public trial of past issues. Acknowledge complexity if necessary and focus on the lessons learned or the reconciliation that followed.

Is humor okay in a church funeral

Yes when it is gentle, kind, and earned. Small moments of levity can help people breathe. Avoid sarcasm or anything that might feel disrespectful.

Should I submit my text to the church beforehand

Many churches request that. It helps the officiant manage the flow and ensures that the content fits the liturgy. Check with the family and the officiant early.

How do I deal with emotion while speaking

Pause, breathe, and look down at your notes. If you cannot continue a designated friend or clergy can finish a line. The congregation will be patient.

Can I read the eulogy from my phone

Yes but use a printed backup. Phones can ring or screen glare can be a problem in some sanctuaries.

Should I include the deacon s ministry accomplishments

Yes but briefly and with stories attached. Instead of listing committee names tell one story that illustrates the work they did.