How to Write a Eulogy for Your Dad In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Speaking about your father in law can feel like walking a tightrope between honoring him and navigating family emotions. You might be his child in law, a spouse asked you to speak, or a stepchild who shared a complicated bond. This guide breaks writing into simple steps, gives ready to use examples, and offers delivery tips that actually work. We explain any terms you might not know and include templates you can adapt to your voice.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about their father in law at a funeral, memorial, graveside service, or celebration of life. Maybe you stepped into a father role. Maybe you were always the favorite son in law. Maybe your relationship was messy and you want to be honest without creating drama. There are sample scripts for short, funny, tender, and complicated needs.

What is a eulogy and how is it different from other funeral remarks

A eulogy is a short speech that honors a person who has died. It is personal and story driven. It differs from an obituary which is a written notice with biographical facts and service details. It also differs from a eulogistic reading which can be a poem or scripture read by someone else. A eulogy is an invitation to share a memory or a truth about who the person was.

Common terms explained

• Obituary A published notice of death that lists basic facts like birth date, survivors, and service arrangements.
• Order of service The schedule for a funeral or memorial that shows who speaks, what music plays, and when rituals happen.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. They could be a religious leader, celebrant, or a family member running the logistics.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to carry the casket. These are often close family or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories, photos, and memory sharing rather than ritual.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort for someone nearing the end of life. It can be provided at home or in a facility.
• Stepchild A child of your spouse from a prior relationship. If you are the spouse, these relationships may shape how you speak about the father in law.

How long should a eulogy for your father in law be

Short and focused usually works best. Aim for three to seven minutes. That is roughly four hundred to eight hundred spoken words. If multiple people are speaking, coordinate so the service stays on schedule. A concise, honest tribute often lands harder than a long recitation of facts.

Before you start writing

Start with a quick preparation checklist.

• Ask about time Confirm how long you are expected to speak and where you fit in the order of service.
• Decide the tone Check with the family whether the tone should be solemn, celebratory, lightly humorous, or a mix.
• Gather memories Ask the spouse, siblings, or friends for one memory each that you might include.
• Choose two or three focus points Pick a few things you want listeners to remember about him. Two to three keeps the speech tight.
• Consider the audience Will there be children present, extended family, or work colleagues? Tailor language and stories accordingly.

Structure that works

A clear shape helps you and your audience. Use this simple blueprint.

• Opening Say your name, your relationship to the father in law, and one sentence that sets the tone.
• Life snapshot Offer a brief overview of his life in practical strokes. Dates are optional. Focus on roles like husband, father, veteran, coworker, or neighbor.
• Stories Share one or two short anecdotes that show character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Traits and lessons Summarize the values he modeled or what people will miss about him.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line, a reading excerpt, or a call to action such as sharing a memory after the service.

How to pick the right tone

Tone matters. If the family wants a celebration of life, a few light stories are perfect. If the loss is fresh and raw, a simpler, gentler tone may be best. When in doubt check with the spouse or the person who asked you to speak. You can mix warmth and respect. A laugh followed by a quiet reflective line can feel authentic and human.

Examples of opening lines

• Hi everyone. I am Tyler and I am James s son in law. I am grateful to say a few words about the man who loved a good garage project and a better joke.
• Good afternoon. My name is Lena and I married Chris s son. I knew my father in law as the person who always took time to listen and to ask about how you were really doing.
• Hello. I am Priya. I was lucky to have a father in law who treated me like family from day one. I want to share one small memory that I think shows who he was.

Writing the life snapshot

The life snapshot is not a biography. Pick the facts that matter to your story. Use plain language and avoid long lists of jobs. Focus on roles and habits that shaped him and his relationships.

Life snapshot templates

• [Name] was born in [place] and grew up loving [hobby or subject]. He worked as a [job] and later retired to garden and volunteer at [place]. He was a husband to [spouse name], a father, and a grandfather who never missed a chance to tell a corny joke.
• [Name] served in the [branch of military] and carried that service into a life of quiet discipline and loyalty. He loved baseball, coffee with friends, and fixing anything that seemed broken.

Anecdotes that land

People remember stories more than statements. Choose anecdotes with a setup, an action, and a clear payoff about why the story matters. Keep them short and sensory. Avoid stories that single out or embarrass living family members.

Short anecdote examples

• At our wedding rehearsal he practiced his speech three times and still chose the shortest line. He said later that the best speeches are like good tools. They do their job and then they are put away.
• He had a ritual of making pancakes every Sunday. No one could match his blueberry pancake technique. When the batter burned, he turned it into a culinary innovation and called it a new recipe.
• When my car broke down he showed up with two beers and a toolbox. He fixed the car enough to get me home and stayed long enough to make sure I felt okay. That was the kind of neighbor and father in law he was.

How to handle complicated relationships

If your relationship with your father in law was complex you can still speak honestly and with respect. You do not need to air grievances. Acknowledge complexity if it feels right and focus on a truth or a lesson. That can be a small reconciliation, a boundary you both respected, or a growth moment.

Examples for messy or complicated relationships

• My relationship with Jim was not always easy. He was stubborn and I was stubborn too. Over time we learned to admire our differences. In the end he taught me patience in unexpected ways.
• He and I did not always get along but he was steady when it mattered. I learned how to put family first from watching him even when we disagreed.

Using humor the right way

Humor can bring relief. Use small earned jokes that come from loving observation. Avoid anything that might humiliate the deceased or a family member. A single light joke followed by a sincere line keeps the tone human.

Safe humor examples

• He believed in two things, a firm handshake and a softer recliner. He got both of them right.
• He had a legendary green thumb. He would kill the weeds by looking at them and then apologize to the plants for being too tough.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Avoid turning the speech into a family therapy session.
• Avoid long lists of achievements without stories to make them human.
• Avoid gossip and private family grievances that could wound people present.
• Avoid off color jokes or anything that could be misread by older or younger guests.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples that follow the structure above. Replace bracketed text with your details and edit for your voice.

Example 1: Short and heartfelt two to three minute version

Hello everyone. My name is Alex and I am Maria s husband. I want to say a few words about my father in law, Robert.

Robert grew up in Dayton and spent his career as an electrician. He had a practical way of looking at things and a laugh that filled a room. He loved dogs, puttering in his garage, and the Sunday crossword. He was the kind of person who fixed what was broken and then offered you a cup of coffee like nothing heavy had happened.

One memory I will always carry is the way he welcomed me into the family. The first Thanksgiving I came to his house he taught me how to carve the turkey and then pretended I had done it better than anyone else. That small act of inclusion meant everything to me.

He taught me to be steady in small ways and generous in practical ways. We will miss the sound of his voice on the phone and the way he made every guest feel at home. Thank you for being here to remember him with us.

Example 2: Light and funny celebration of life

Hi. I am Jenna, his daughter in law. If you knew Henry you knew three things. He loved a good hat, a bad pun, and a bowl of cereal at midnight. He never met a hat he would not try on and he never missed a chance to make someone roll their eyes with a dad joke.

One of my favorite Henry stories is the time he tried to out bake a professional at a local fair. He came home with a third place ribbon and a theory that judges were biased in favor of cupcakes. He baked with a fierce wink that I think was his way of saying life should be enjoyed even when it is messy. We will miss his jokes and his generous nonsense. Please laugh with us now as we remember him the way he would have wanted.

Example 3: From the stepchild perspective, honest and warm

Hello. I am Marcus. My father in law, Frank, did not raise me. He made a decision every day to be present in my life anyway. He taught me to drive a truck, to trim a hedge, and once to listen before I rushed to fix something. He expected work and he expected kindness. That balance shaped who I am.

Our best memory was late tacos after a long day building a deck. We sat on two cinder blocks and talked about everything from baseball to why old songs feel bigger live. He was patient in a quiet way that felt like love. I am grateful he made a place for me at his table.

Example 4: Military father in law with respect and honor

My name is Sam. I am proud to speak about my father in law, Charles, who served in the army. His service informed a life of discipline and a fierce loyalty to family. He taught his children and his grandchildren the value of showing up.

One small story shows his character. When a neighbor fell ill he organized meals for weeks and insisted everyone sign up so no one would be overwhelmed. That logistical care was his way of loving. Today we honor his service and the quieter service of his everyday acts.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates to get started. Fill in the brackets and then edit to make the voice yours. Read it out loud and trim anything that feels forced.

Template A classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [name] s [son in law daughter in law spouse]. [Name] was born in [place] and worked as a [job]. He loved [hobby] and he was the person we called when [small task or habit]. One memory that shows who he was is [brief story]. He taught us [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here.

Template B for a complicated relationship

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [name] was complicated. We had our differences and we also had moments of real connection. Over time I learned [something you learned]. In the end I am grateful for [small reconciliation or lesson]. If I could say one thing to him now it would be [short line you want to say].

Template C light and funny with sincerity

Hello. I am [Your Name]. To know [name] was to know his love of [quirky habit]. He also taught us how to [useful skill or value]. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. Even his jokes had a lesson tucked inside. I will miss his laugh and his ridiculous hat collection. Thank you.

Practical tips for delivery

Speaking while grieving is hard. These practical tactics help keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font and bring a backup copy. Paper is easier to handle when emotions are high.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines on each card help you keep your place and reduce overwhelm.
• Mark pauses Put a bracket where you want to breathe or where a laugh might land. Pauses give you time to collect yourself.
• Practice out loud Read to a friend, to a mirror, or to your partner. Practice calms your throat and your heart.
• Bring tissues and water Keep a glass of water nearby if allowed by the venue.
• Arrange a signal Tell a trusted family member you might need a moment and agree on a small signal if you want them to step in.
• Mic basics Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak slowly. If there is no mic, project to the back row without shouting.

When you want to cry while reading

If tears come that is fine. Pause, breathe, look down at your notes, and then continue. Slow down if your voice breaks. Saying fewer words at a slower pace often feels more powerful. People in the room will wait and want to support you.

Including readings, prayers, poems, and music

Short excerpts work best. If you choose a poem pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long piece. Confirm with the officiant that the reading fits the service. If music is included place it where it supports the speech for example before or after your words. Provide printed text for guests if appropriate.

Logistics to check

• Confirm your time limit with the family or officiant.
• Tell the funeral director if you will need a microphone or printed copies.
• Decide where you will stand and how you will hand the notes back if there are other speakers.
• Offer a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service so they can include it in a printed program or memory book.

Recording and sharing the eulogy

Ask permission before posting a recording online. Some families want privacy. If sharing is approved include a short note about donations if the family is collecting contributions. Recordings can comfort relatives who cannot attend and can be included in a memory archive.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given to honor someone who has died.
• Obituary A written notice announcing a death with service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Officiant The person who leads the service.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to carry the casket.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering focused on stories and memories.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life near the end of life.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship to the deceased. A short opening sentence like Hello my name is [Your Name] and I am [Name] s son in law gives you context and a breath to settle. Practice that opening until it feels familiar.

What if I cry and cannot continue

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you need a moment take it. Have a designated person ready to step in if you cannot continue. Many people write a short final line that someone else can read to close if needed.

Should I include religious language if the family is not religious

Only include religious language if it was meaningful to the father in law or to the family. If religion was not central choose secular language that honors values and memories instead. You can include a short poem or a neutral reading in place of prayer.

How do I balance humor and respect

Use humor that comes from real memories and that you know the family will appreciate. Follow a joke with a sincere sentence to reconnect the tone. Humor works best when it is warm and not at anyone s expense.

Can I read from my phone

You can read from a phone but make sure it will not ring and that the screen is bright enough. Many people prefer printed paper or index cards because they are less likely to slip and are easier to manage when emotions run high.

How long should a eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. Shorter speeches are often more memorable and easier to deliver when feelings are intense. Coordinate with other speakers to keep the service on schedule.

Should I get permission to share personal stories

When a story involves other family members check with them first. This is especially important for moments that might be private or sensitive. If you are unsure choose a different story that everyone will be comfortable hearing.