How to Write a Eulogy for Your Brother In Law - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for your brother in law can feel strange and heavy but also important. Maybe he was a close friend who married into the family. Maybe he was your sister s partner who became family by habit and small acts. This guide gives you a clear plan, real examples, and fill in the blank templates you can use right away. We explain any terms you might not know and offer delivery tips so your words land the way you want them to.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone tasked with speaking about a brother in law at a funeral, memorial, graveside service, or celebration of life. You might be the sibling, the spouse of the sibling, a close friend asked to speak, or even the sibling of the spouse of your brother in law. You do not need to have been blood related to write something honest and meaningful.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech given to honor someone who has died. It is personal and story driven. A eulogy is not the same as an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that gives basic facts and service details. A eulogy is a memory based tribute meant to help people remember who the person was and why they mattered.

Terms you might see and what they mean

• Obituary A published notice of a person s death that usually includes biographical details and information about services.
• Order of service The sequence of events at the funeral or memorial. It lists readings, songs, and speakers.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. This could be a clergy member, celebrant, funeral director, or family friend.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories and memories rather than rituals.
• Pallbearer Someone who helps carry the casket. Usually chosen from close family or friends.
• Program A printed sheet or booklet that outlines the order of service and often includes photos or prayers.
• RSVP Short for the French phrase respond s il vous plait. It asks guests to confirm if they will attend an event.

How long should a eulogy for a brother in law be

Short and focused is usually best. Aim for three to seven minutes. That equals about four hundred to eight hundred spoken words. If others are speaking, check the schedule and coordinate. A crisp, honest three minute story often lands better than a ten minute ramble.

Before you start writing

Taking a few practical steps first makes the writing easier and the result stronger.

• Ask the family or officiant about time Confirm how long you are expected to speak and where your spot is in the order of service.
• Talk to the spouse If you are not the spouse, check in with them about tone and any topics to avoid. They may want certain memories shared or prefer privacy on some details.
• Decide the tone Do you want this to be solemn, light, funny, or a mix? Tone should fit the person and the family.
• Collect material Ask siblings or close friends for one memory each. Look at photos and old messages for lines that feel true.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want people to take away. Three is manageable and gives the speech shape.

Structure that works

A simple structure gives you permission to be brief and honest. Use this shape.

• Opening Say who you are and why you are speaking. One clear line that sets the tone helps you breathe.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview of his life in practical strokes. Jobs, passions, where he grew up, roles like father, partner, friend.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Traits and lessons Summarize what people learned from him or what they will remember.
• Closing Offer a farewell line, a short quote, or a call to action like sharing a memory after the service.

Writing the opening

Start with your name and how you knew him. Give the audience context and buy yourself a breath. Simple openings feel strongest when you are nervous.

Opening examples for a brother in law

• Hi, my name is Alex. I am Jenna s brother and I am here to say a few words about Mark, the brother we gained the day he married Jenna.
• Hello, I am Priya. I met Sam through my sister and he quickly became the brother I did not know I needed.
• Good afternoon. I am Marcus, and I have been lucky to call Daniel my brother in law and my friend for twelve years.

How to write the life sketch

The life sketch is not a resume. Pick facts that support your story and avoid listing every job or award. Focus on roles and what he loved.

Life sketch templates you can use

• [Name] grew up in [place]. He worked as [job or industry] and loved [hobby]. He married [spouse name] in [year] and together they built a life full of [small details].
• [Name] was the kind of person who [one vivid habit]. He was a partner, a friend, and to many of us the person who could always [small helpful thing].

Anecdotes that matter

Stories stick. Pick small scenes with a beginning, a detail, and a point. Aim for anecdotes that reveal character not just inform.

Examples specific for a brother in law

• When my sister and he moved into their first place he insisted on building a bookshelf on his own. He spent the evening swearing at the drill and teaching me how to patch drywall. He loved making a home feel like a project you could finish together.
• At family barbecues he always arrived with an odd potato salad recipe. Nobody asked for it but everyone secretly loved it. That perfectly sums him up. He showed love by bringing something imperfect and delicious.
• He was the person who would answer our late night calls about a flat tire or a broken heart. He never hesitated. That is how we knew we could count on him.

Addressing a complicated relationship

Not every relationship with a brother in law is effortless. If things were tense you can be honest without being cruel. Acknowledge complexity and focus on what you learned or a small reconciliation.

Sentences that work for complicated dynamics

• Our relationship was not always easy. We bumped heads more than once. In time we found a way to respect each other and that mattered to me.
• He could be stubborn and confident in ways that rubbed people the wrong way. He also showed up when it counted and I learned from him about loyalty.
• We never agreed about politics but we always laughed about terrible 90s music. Those small shared things became surprisingly important.

Using humor the right way

Humor is allowed and often necessary. Use small, earned jokes that highlight a truth. Avoid embarrassing stories that single out family members or make the deceased the butt of the joke.

Safe humor examples

• If you met him once you knew he had a go to joke. It was terrible and he told it anyway because he loved making people roll their eyes and then smile.
• He treated every holiday like a competitive sport. The scoreboard never mattered but the snacks did and we will miss both.

What to avoid in a eulogy for a brother in law

• Avoid airing family disputes or private grievances in front of a large audience.
• Avoid reading a long list of achievements without stories that make them human.
• Avoid humor that could embarrass the spouse or children.
• Avoid over explaining complicated history. A short honest acknowledgment is better than a long justification.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Each of the examples below follows the structure above. Replace bracketed text with your own details and read aloud to make sure the voice sounds natural.

Example 1: Short and personal, 2 to 3 minute version

Hello, my name is Leo and I am Maria s brother. I want to say something about Evan who came into our family not by blood but by stubborn kindness. Evan loved coffee that tasted like a dare and had a way of making a serious conversation feel like a campfire chat. The memory I keep is him showing up the night my car broke down and sitting in the cold with me until the tow truck came. He did not have to. He stayed. That small thing showed how he lived. He taught us how to show up. Thank you for being here with us today to remember him.

Example 2: Brother in law who was like a sibling, 4 minute version

Hi everyone. I am Nora, Jenna s older sister. People sometimes say brother in law as if it is a title someone gets and then puts back on. With Marcus that was never the case. From the first Thanksgiving he was clumsy with the gravy and earnest about asking how to help. He refused to be a guest. He rolled up his sleeves and wanted to do the dishes. He coached my son on soccer and he cheered harder than anyone at rec league games. He had exacting taste in playlists and tragic taste in reality TV. Mostly he loved my sister in a way that made the rest of us safer. I will miss his laugh and the way he made our family feel a little less fragile. Please join me in remembering one small way he made your life easier.

Example 3: Complicated but reconciled

My name is Oliver. My relationship with Daniel began with distance and a little suspicion. We argued about small things that felt large at the time. Over the years we learned to talk through differences and the last five years were full of dinners and honest vocabulary. I am grateful for those dinners and for the times he reached out first. We did not always agree but we found each other. That ability to try again is one of the things I will remember most.

Example 4: Celebration of life tone with humor

Hey, I m Sam. If you met Pete you know he had two signature moves. One was rescuing stray dogs with zero planning. The other was bringing a playlist that started mellow and ended with impossible energy. He believed that every sad thing gets a slightly better ending if you add a song and a ridiculous hat. Today we celebrate his ridiculous hats and his heroics in equal measure. Let s laugh about the small ridiculous things and tell stories until we are tired. That would have made him very happy.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates to start. Fill in the blanks and then edit out anything that feels convenient rather than true.

Template A: Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [sibling or spouse of whom]. [Brother in law s name] was [one sentence about role or personality]. He loved [hobby or habit], he worked as [job or industry], and he was the person who always [small reliable habit]. One memory that shows who he was is [brief story]. He taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here.

Template B: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [name] had its difficult parts. We fought about [small example]. Over time we found [a way to connect or reconcile]. If I could tell him one thing now it would be [short line you want to say].

Template C: Light and memorable

Hi, I m [Your Name]. To know [name] was to know that [quirky habit]. He made people feel like they were part of his inner group, even if they were only supposed to be casual guests. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. He taught us to [small lesson]. I will miss that and so much more.

Practical tips for delivery

• Print your speech Use large font and a printed copy. Phones can be helpful but paper is less likely to be fiddled with when you are emotional.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines each keep your place and help you pause naturally.
• Mark pauses Put a note where you want the audience to laugh or to take a breath. A pause after a memory lets people feel it.
• Practice out loud Read it once or twice to a friend or into your phone so your mouth remembers the words.
• Plan for tears If you cry, pause, breathe, and continue. People will wait. If you need help, arrange for someone to introduce you and be ready to finish one line if needed.
• Mic technique Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak at a normal volume. If there is no mic, project to the back row and slow your words slightly.

When you want to cry while reading

It is okay to cry. If your voice breaks, slow down. Read the next sentence more slowly than you think you should. If you need a moment, look down at your notes, take a breath, and continue. The room will support you.

How to include readings, poems, and music

If you want to include a poem or a song, pick a short excerpt. Long pieces can interrupt the rhythm of several speakers. Confirm with the officiant and print the text in the program if it matters to the family. Music works well as a short lead in or a reflective moment after a story.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the officiant if you will need a microphone or a printed copy on stage.
• Share a copy of your remarks with the person organizing the order of service so timing is easier to manage.
• Check with the spouse or immediate family about sensitive topics and names of people who should not be called out.

After the eulogy

People will likely ask for a copy. Offer to email it or to add it to a memory book. Some families want the text printed in a program or kept in a funeral home memory binder. You can also record the audio privately and share with family members who could not attend.

Checklist before you step up to speak

• Confirm your time limit with the family or officiant.
• Print two copies of your speech in large font and keep one as a backup.
• Practice out loud at least twice.
• Mark pauses and emotional beats.
• Bring tissues and a small bottle of water.
• Tell one family member that you might need a moment and make a plan for them to finish a line if needed.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech honoring a person who has died. It focuses on memories and character rather than dates and facts alone.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and often includes date of birth, survivors, and service details.
• Order of service The sequence of events at a funeral or memorial, listing readings, music, and speakers.
• Officiant The person who leads the service. That might be a religious leader, a civil celebrant, or a family friend.
• Program A printed sheet or booklet for attendees that outlines the order of service and sometimes includes photos.
• RSVP Short for respond s il vous plait. It asks guests to confirm attendance to an event.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Start with your name and your relationship to the person. A simple opening line like Hello, my name is [Your Name] and I am [sibling or relation] gives the audience context and buys you a breath. Practice that line until it feels comfortable. It will steady you when you begin.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you need a moment, take it. People will wait. If you cannot continue, have a designated person ready to step in. Many speakers hand a copy to the officiant so someone can pick up where they left off if necessary.

Can I include jokes in a eulogy

Yes. Small, earned humor often helps people breathe. Use jokes that come from real memories and do not embarrass the deceased or close family members. Follow a joke with a sincere line to reconnect the tone.

How long should my eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. Shorter speeches are easier to hold emotionally and keep the service on schedule. If multiple people are speaking, coordinate with the family about timing.

Should I consult the spouse before speaking

Yes. If you are not the spouse, check in with them about tone and any topics to avoid. They can guide you on what would feel respectful and what might be private.

Can I read the eulogy from my phone

You can, but practice with it first. Make sure the screen will stay on, the device will not ring, and that the venue lighting does not wash out the screen. Many people prefer printed copies because they are easier to handle under stress.