How to Write a Eulogy for Your Big Sister - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Losing a big sister can feel like losing your built in safety net and your favorite critic at the same time. Writing a eulogy for her means telling a true story that does justice to who she was and that also fits what you can handle emotionally. This guide walks you through each step with plain language, real examples, fill in the blank templates, and delivery tips you can actually use. We explain any terms you might not know and give sample scripts for different tones so you can pick one that matches your sister and your family.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about their big sister at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, or graveside service. Maybe you are the sibling who always had the loudest laugh. Maybe you were the quiet one who learned so much from watching her. Maybe your relationship was complicated. That is okay. There are examples here for tender, funny, messy, and short needs.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a speech that honors someone who has died. It usually happens during a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is personal. It is not a resume. It is a story about the person and how they affected the people around them.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A written notice announcing a death and usually giving service details and basic biographical facts.
• Order of service The schedule for a funeral or memorial listing readings, music, and speakers.
• Pallbearer Someone who helps carry the casket. These are often close family or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal event that focuses on stories, photos, and personal memories rather than ritual.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort and quality of life near the end. It can be provided at home or in a facility.
• Officiant The person leading the service. They might be a clergy member, a celebrant, or a family friend.

How long should a eulogy be

A short and focused eulogy is usually stronger than a long ramble. Aim for three to seven minutes of speaking time. That is about 400 to 800 spoken words. If multiple people are speaking check the schedule and tailor your length to keep the service on track.

Before you start writing

Give yourself a simple plan. Grief makes everything harder so preparation is a kindness to yourself.

• Check timing Ask the family or officiant how long you should speak and where your remarks fit in the order of service.
• Pick a tone Decide whether the moment calls for laughter, quiet, or a mix. Check with close family so your tone fits the event.
• Gather stories Ask siblings, cousins, and friends for one memory each. Small moments are more powerful than long lists.
• Choose three focus points Pick three main things you want the audience to remember about your sister. Three gives shape without pressure.
• Decide on personal limits If you think you will not get through the whole speech without pausing plan a short opening and ask someone to be ready to finish if needed.

Structure that works

A simple structure keeps you focused and gives the audience something to hold onto. Use this shape.

• Opening Say your name and your relationship to your sister. Offer one sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview of her life in a few clear strokes. Focus on roles she held like sister, friend, parent, partner, worker, or volunteer.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal who she was. Keep them specific and sensory.
• Traits and lessons Identify the values she lived by or the things you will miss.
• Closing Offer a final goodbye line a short quote or an invitation for others to remember a small thing about her.

Writing the opening

The opening is the easiest place to start. Do not overthink it. Your name your relationship and one true sentence is enough.

Opening examples

• Hello. I am Jess. I am Maeve s little sister. Today we are here to remember the woman who taught me how to braid hair and how to be fierce about boundaries.
• Hi everyone. I am Aaron. I loved my sister Laila for a lot of reasons. Mostly because she always saved a part of pizza for me even when she was hungry.
• My name is Sam. I am Tess s brother. She was the person who texted us memes at two in the morning and then somehow fixed our cars on Saturday.

How to write the life sketch

The life sketch is not a full biography. Pick the facts that matter for the story you want to tell. Use plain language. Focus on the roles she played that shaped her life and yours.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] grew up in [place]. She worked as [job] and later as [job or role]. She loved [hobby] and she loved people who could laugh at bad puns.
• [Name] lived in [city] for [time]. She raised [children or pets] and volunteered at [place]. She was the kind of person who made neighbors into friends.

Anecdotes that matter

One or two quick stories will make your eulogy memorable. A good story has a setup an action and a short line that shows why the story matters.

Short anecdote examples

• When I was nine she taught me to drive her old car by letting me steer while she tied shoelaces with one hand. I learned that day that she trusted me more than I trusted myself.
• She had a habit of rescuing stray animals. One winter she showed up at my apartment with a tiny kitten sleeping in a shoebox and declared that the kitten would be our shared responsibility. We failed that test gloriously and we ended up with three more cats.
• Maeve used to make a corny joke before any family photo. She believed that if we laughed first the picture would last longer. I still do that when we take photos now.

Addressing sibling dynamics and complicated relationships

Big sister relationships can be complex. She might have been a mentor a critic a friend or all three. If your relationship was complicated you can still speak honestly and with dignity. You do not need to air private grievances in public. Acknowledge complexity and point to moments of growth care or closure.

Examples for complex relationships

• We were not always close. We fought about small things like borrowing clothes and bigger things like life choices. In the last year we found a quiet place of understanding and I am grateful for that.
• She could be blunt and stubborn. She also defended people fiercely. I learned from her that it is okay to speak up and that love can be practical and loud.
• We made mistakes with each other. Still she taught me to show up when it matters and to say sorry when I am wrong.

Using humor the right way

Humor can be healing. Small earned jokes are usually welcome. Avoid anything that would embarrass your sister or hurt someone in the room. Test jokes with a trusted friend first.

Safe humor examples

• My sister kept a running list of life hacks that mostly involved duct tape and snacks. If it was broken she said we could either fix it or eat it.
• She insisted on wearing sunglasses indoors because she said it made her look like an action hero. Most of the time it just made us laugh.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Avoid long lists of achievements without stories that make them human.
• Avoid family fights or gossip. The eulogy is not the place to settle scores.
• Avoid cliches unless you immediately add a specific detail that proves them true.
• Avoid surprising reveals that could be painful to others in the room.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples to inspire you. Replace bracketed text with your details and speak from the heart. Each one follows the structure above.

Example 1 Tender and personal three to five minute version

Hello. I am Mara. I am Zoe s younger sister. Zoe taught me the important stuff like how to boil an egg and how to hold my head when things felt heavy. She was a nurse by trade and a fixer by nature. When our childhood treehouse fell apart she was the one who taped the plans back together and convinced us it was stronger than before.

One memory that captures her is the time she drove back in the middle of the night because I had a fever and I could not sleep. She brought blankets soup and a playlist of songs she said would make me feel better. I still listen to that playlist when I can t sleep. She had a way of showing love through small steady things.

She taught me patience curiosity and how to stand up for myself without yelling. I will miss her voice telling me to slow down and to breathe. Thank you for being here and for remembering Zoe with us.

Example 2 Short under two minute modern version

Hi everyone. I am James. My sister Lila could make a mean spreadsheet and a meaner lasagna. She fixed everyone s messes and then pretended it was no big deal. I will miss her snacks in my fridge and her terrible movie jokes. Thank you for being here to celebrate her life.

Example 3 Complicated and honest

My name is Priya. My sister Anika and I had a relationship that was full of friction and deep love. We pushed each other into better versions of ourselves and we also wound each other up. In the last year Anika and I spoke more than we had in a decade. We found ways to forgive and to apologize. If I can say one thing to her now it is thank you for making me stubborn enough to keep trying. I will carry that with me.

Example 4 Celebration of life with humor

Hey. I am Mark. If you met my sister you know she had two rules. Rule number one be kind. Rule number two never touch her favorite mug. She kept a stash of snacks that could cure any sadness and a playlist that could fix any party. We will celebrate her by eating snacks sharing bad jokes and by dancing to one of her playlists right after this. She loved that sort of chaos. Thank you for being here.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates as a starting point and then edit to make the words sound like you. Read it out loud and trim anything that feels forced.

Template A Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Big Sister s Name] sibling. [Name] was born in [place] and worked as [job]. She loved [hobby] and she was the person we called when we needed a laugh or a hard truth. One memory that shows who she was is [brief story]. She taught me [value]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here.

Template B For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Sister s Name] was complicated. We fought about [small example] and we made up in ridiculous ways. Over time I came to appreciate [something positive]. In the last [months years] we [reconnected spent more time found peace]. If I could say one thing to her now it would be [short line].

Template C Light and funny with sincerity

Hi. I am [Your Name]. To know [Sister s Name] was to know that she had a favorite mug and an opinion about every TV show. She also taught me how to make a mean grilled cheese and how to be honest with people I love. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. I will miss her laugh and the way she accused me of stealing fries. Thank you for being here to remember her.

Practical tips for delivery

Speaking while grieving is hard. These practical tactics keep you steady and help your words land.

• Print your speech Use large font and single spaced lines. Paper is less likely to drop or glitch than a phone screen.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines per card are easier to manage than a long sheet of paper.
• Mark pauses Put brackets or the word pause where you want to take a breath or expect a laugh. Pauses give you time.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy to a friend or to yourself a few times. Practicing tells your voice what to expect.
• Bring tissues and water Your throat can tighten. Water helps and tissues are comforting.
• Arrange a backup Ask someone to be ready to finish a line if you need them to. That takes pressure off you.
• Mic technique Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak at a normal volume. If no mic is available speak slowly and project to the back row.

When you want to cry while reading

If tears come that is normal. Pause breathe and look down at your notes. Slow your words. Saying fewer words more slowly is often more powerful than trying to race through. If you think you will not be able to finish have a designated person who can step in for you.

How to include readings poems and music

Short readings work best. If you want to include a poem pick a two to four line excerpt rather than a long piece. Readings can be religious or secular. Confirm the officiant is comfortable with the piece and consider printing the text in the program so people can follow along.

Music tips

• Choose songs your sister loved or songs that match the tone of the event.
• If live music is not possible ask whether a recorded track can be played between speakers.
• Keep music short and place it where it supports the speech like a brief interlude before or after a powerful line.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you will need a microphone or a projector for photos.
• Confirm where you will stand and how long you may speak with the officiant.
• Give a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service in case they need it for the program or memory book.

After the eulogy

People may ask for a copy. Offer to email it to close family or to place it in a memory book. Some families ask that the eulogy be printed in the program or shared with guests who could not attend. Consider making an audio recording and sharing it privately with family members who could not be there.

Checklist before you step up to speak

• Confirm your time limit with the family or officiant.
• Print your speech with large font and bring a backup copy.
• Practice at least three times out loud.
• Mark pauses and emotional beats in your copy.
• Bring tissues and a small bottle of water.
• Tell a family member you might need a moment and arrange a signal if you want them to finish.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A published notice about a death that usually includes biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Pallbearer A person who helps carry the casket. They are usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories photos and personal memories.
• Hospice Care focusing on comfort and quality of life near the end. It can be provided at home or in a facility.
• Officiant The person leading the service such as clergy a celebrant or a family friend.
• RSVP An abbreviation of the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. It is used on invitations to ask people to confirm attendance.
• Memory book A collection of photos notes and printed tributes that families create to remember someone.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Begin by stating your name and your relationship to your sister. A short opening like Hello my name is [Your Name] and I am [Sister s Name] sibling helps you ground the room and gives you a breath to settle. Practice that opening until it feels familiar. It will steady you when you begin.

What if I forget my place or cannot stop crying

Pause breathe and look at your notes. If you need a moment take it. People will wait. If you cannot continue ask a designated family member or friend to finish for you. Having a short note someone else can pick up from is helpful.

Should I include religious language if the family is not religious

Only include religious language if it was meaningful to your sister or to the family. If religion was not central choose secular language that honors values and shared memories. You can include a short poem reading or a song that fits the family s beliefs instead of prayer language.

Can I use humor in a eulogy

Yes small earned humor is often welcome. Use jokes that come from real memories. Avoid anything that might embarrass the deceased or upset family members. Follow a joke with a sincere line to reconnect the tone if needed.

How long should my eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. That is usually about 400 to 800 spoken words. Short heartfelt speeches tend to be more memorable than long unfocused ones.

Should I give a copy of the eulogy to the funeral home or officiant

Yes. Providing a copy helps the officiant and the person running the service stay on schedule and makes it easy to include the text in a program or memory book.

Is it okay to record and share the eulogy online

Check with family before posting audio or video. Some families prefer privacy. If sharing is approved add a short note about where donations should go if people ask about that. Be mindful of the deceased s wishes.