How to Write a Eulogy for Your Big Brother - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Talking about your big brother at his funeral or celebration of life can feel impossible and necessary at the same time. You might be the one who grew up under his eye, who learned to steal fries or to stand up for yourself because of him. Maybe he was your hero. Maybe he was messy and human. This guide walks you through writing a eulogy that feels true to your relationship and useful to anyone who needs a clear place to start. We explain any terms you might not know and give real examples and fill in the blank templates you can adapt.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone asked to speak about a big brother at a funeral, memorial, graveside, or celebration of life. Maybe you are the younger sibling who relied on him. Maybe you are his friend who felt like a sibling. Maybe your relationship was complicated. There are templates and example scripts for tender, funny, short, and messy needs.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a speech given to honor a person who has died. It usually appears during a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is not the same thing as an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that gives basic facts and service details. A eulogy is personal. It is a short story about someone s life, quirks, and the way they mattered.

Common terms explained

• Obituary A published notice about a death that usually includes biographical details and service information.
• Order of service The schedule for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of music, readings, and speakers.
• Pallbearer Someone chosen to carry the casket. These are usually close family or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal event that focuses on stories, photos, and remembering the person with less ritual.
• Hospice Care that focuses on comfort and quality of life for someone at the end of life. Hospice care can happen at home or in a facility.
• Officiant The person leading the service who can be a clergy person, celebrant, or a family friend.

How long should a eulogy be

A good target is three to seven minutes. That usually translates to four hundred to eight hundred spoken words. If multiple people will speak, check the total time with the family or officiant. Short and focused often lands harder than a long ramble. You can always offer to share a longer written version with family later.

Before you start writing

Preparation makes writing less overwhelming. Use this quick plan.

• Check time and tone Ask the family or officiant how long you should speak and what tone fits the event.
• Collect stories Ask siblings, parents, and friends for one memory each. Even small details like a favorite sandwich or a weird laugh can make the speech specific and real.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want listeners to remember about your brother. Three points give the speech shape and keep you from repeating yourself.
• Decide whether to include humor If your brother was the kind of person who loved jokes, humor is a gift. If the family is still raw, err on the side of gentle and earned comedy.

Structure that works

Use a simple structure to keep you on track and the audience with you.

• Opening Say who you are and why you are speaking. Offer one sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview that highlights roles like brother, son, friend, worker, or hobbyist.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal character. Keep them specific and sensory.
• What he taught you Sum up lessons or traits you will carry forward.
• Closing Offer a goodbye line, memory invitation, quote, or call to action like sharing one favorite memory after the service.

How to write the opening

Start simple. Your name and relationship give context and buy you a moment to settle. Then say a single sentence that captures how you want people to remember him.

Opening examples for a big brother

• Hello. I am Jamie and I was Nate s little sister. Today I want to tell you how he taught me to take risks and to laugh at the times I fell flat on my face.
• Hi everyone. I m Aaron, his kid brother. My brother Tom was the kind of guy who could fix anything and make it feel like an adventure along the way.
• Good afternoon. I am Maya and I called him big bro. He showed me what stubborn kindness looks like.

Writing the life sketch

The life sketch is not a full biography. Pick the facts that matter for the stories you want to tell. Focus on roles and small defining details. Dates are optional.

Life sketch templates

• [Name] grew up in [place]. He worked as [job] and loved [hobby]. He was a brother to [names], a friend to many, and the person who could always be counted on for a late night drive and bad takeout.
• [Name] had a talent for [skill]. He volunteered at [place]. He had a hard edge sometimes and a fierce loyalty that showed in how he showed up for people in crisis.

Anecdotes that matter

Stories stick. Pick one or two that reveal personality and end with why that memory matters. Keep each anecdote short and sensory.

Examples of very short anecdotes

• When I was fourteen I tried to impress him with a skateboard trick. I ate dust and he laughed so hard he cried. Then he took me to the shop and bought me knee pads and pizza. That is who he was.
• He had a rule about playlists. If the song started and you did not sing along you had to buy coffee. He made us sing anyway and it turned strangers into backup singers.
• On long road trips he would make up trivia about the highway towns. We never knew what was true but we always believed him. Those made up facts became our family legends.

Addressing complicated sibling relationships

Siblings are complicated by default. If your relationship with your brother was messy, you can still speak honestly and with dignity. Acknowledge the complexity without turning the podium into a therapy session. People will appreciate truth that is kind.

Examples for complicated relationships

• We fought a lot growing up. He pushed my buttons and he protected my boundaries in ways that made no sense at the time. Later I realized those fights taught me how to pick my battles and say what matters.
• Our relationship cooled in our twenties. In the last few years we found a way back to one another. He texted me jokes I did not always respond to. I will miss those small messengers of love.
• He made mistakes and he owned some of them. He tried to be better and that mattered to me more than perfection ever could.

Using humor the right way

Humor can feel like a breath of life in a heavy room. Use small, earned jokes that honor him. Avoid anything mean spirited or that might single out someone in the audience.

Safe humor examples

• He had two modes, asleep or ridiculously caffeinated. If you saw both in one day you knew you had witnessed a miracle.
• He treated every grill like a competitive sport. We had a rule that if the burger was raw you still had to cheer like a new parent. He would have loved that applause.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Avoid long lists of achievements without story. People remember stories not resumes.
• Avoid using the speech as a space to settle scores.
• Avoid jokes that single out private struggles without permission from family.
• Avoid making the eulogy so long that it takes away from others time to speak or from the service plan.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples you can personalize. Replace bracketed text with your details.

Example 1 Loving older brother, three to four minute version

Hello everyone. I am Sam and I am Ben s little sister. Ben was the kind of brother who took his role seriously. He would hide behind the couch to scare neighborhood kids and then show up to take them home when the rain started. He worked as an electrician and joked that he fixed everything except his own patience.

One memory I keep is from when I was nine. Our family trip went off the rails because of a flat tire. While the adults argued Ben found the spare, changed the tire with his bare hands, and then sat with me on the hood of the car telling me the story of how he once outran a raccoon. I did not know then how small those moments would become everything I needed later in life.

He taught me how to be loud when you needed to be heard and quiet when someone else needed the spotlight. He taught me how to fix things and how to ask for help when a project got too big. I will miss his laugh, his terrible puns, and the way he made the simple feel heroic. Thank you for being here to celebrate him.

Example 2 Short modern eulogy under two minutes

Hi everyone. I am Alex, his kid sister. My brother Nate lived by two rules. Rule one was show up. Rule two was always bring snacks. He showed up to every game, every bad date, every hospital waiting room, and he brought snacks. I will miss his presence and the way a bag of chips could make a gray day feel okay. Thank you for being here for him and for us.

Example 3 Complicated relationship, honest and respectful

Hello. I am Leah, his younger sister. My brother Daniel and I did not always get along. We argued about small things and big things and sometimes we walked away and did not look back for months. In the last year we found a softer rhythm. We texted about shows, about dinner, and he admitted he was proud of me once in a message that made me cry at my desk. He was messy and he was trying. I am grateful for that attempt and for the time we had to try again.

Example 4 Funny and affectionate

Hey everyone. I m Mike. To know my brother was to know that he took karaoke very seriously. He could deliver a ballad in a traffic jam and make grown men cry into their steering wheels. He had a terrible sense of direction and refused to ask for help. If he got us lost on purpose he called it an adventure. We will miss his voice, his questionable maps, and the way he made every wrong turn a story. Sing along if you know the words later. He would like that.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates to get started. Fill in the brackets and edit until it sounds like you. Read it out loud and trim anything that feels forced.

Template A Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Brother s name] sibling. [Brother s name] grew up in [place] and worked as [job]. He loved [hobby] and was known for [quirk]. One memory that shows who he was is [brief story]. He taught me [lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here and for supporting our family.

Template B For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Brother s name] was not simple. We fought about [small example]. Over time we found a way to talk about [topic]. In the last [months years] we [reconnected spoke often shared laughs]. If I could say one thing to him now it would be [short line you want to say].

Template C Funny and warm

Hi. I am [Your Name]. To know [Brother s name] was to know that [funny habit]. He also made sure we learned [practical skill]. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. He made us laugh and he made our family messier in the best way. I will miss his laugh and his insistence on late night pancakes. Thank you.

Practical tips for delivery

Speaking while grieving is hard. These tactics keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is often easier to manage when emotions run high.
• Use cue cards Small index cards with one idea per card help you find your place and breathe between points.
• Mark pauses Put brackets where you want to breathe or where the audience might laugh. Pauses let emotions settle.
• Practice out loud Read the eulogy to a friend, to a mirror, or to your dog. Practice tells your throat what to expect.
• Bring tissues and water Keep a small glass or bottle of water nearby and a handkerchief for when you need a moment.
• Have a back up Ask a friend or family member to be ready to finish a line if you cannot continue. Agree on a short signal so you can step aside if needed.
• Mic technique If there is a microphone keep it a few inches from your mouth. Speak slowly and think of the back row as the person you are trying to reach.

When you want to cry while reading

If tears come that is normal. Pause, breathe, look at your notes, and then continue. Slow down and let your chest catch up. The audience will wait. If you lose your place, glance at your next cue card or ask for a short moment. Most people in the room will understand and want you to take your time.

Including readings, music, and photos

Short readings work best. If you include a poem pick two to four lines instead of a long piece. Music can be live or recorded. Choose songs your brother loved or that match the tone. Ask the officiant about logistics and provide printed text for long readings so listeners can follow if they want.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you need a mic or if you plan to hand out copies.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will stand and the time you have.
• Offer a copy of your speech to the person running the order of service so they can include it in the program or memory book.

After the eulogy

People may ask for a copy. Offer to email it to family and friends or include it in a printed memory book. Some families ask for readings to be added to the funeral program. You can also record the audio and share it privately. That recording can be meaningful to relatives who could not attend.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and often includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral listing the sequence of events.
• Pallbearer A person chosen to carry the casket. Usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering focused on stories and photos.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort for someone nearing the end of life. Can take place at home or a facility.
• Officiant The person leading the service whether religious or secular.
• RSVP Stands for respond s il vous plait. It means please respond to an invitation so the host knows who is coming.

Frequently asked questions

How do I start a eulogy if I am nervous

Start with your name and relationship to your brother. A short first line gives context and buys you a moment. Practice that opening until it feels familiar. It will calm you when you step up to speak.

What if I am angry with my brother or family

It is okay to acknowledge complicated feelings without making the speech a place for blame. You can name the complexity and focus on one or two honest memories or lessons. If you need more catharsis write privately and share only what you want others to hear.

Can I use humor in a eulogy

Yes. Small earned humor is usually welcome. Use anecdotes that show character not jokes that could embarrass people present. Follow up a joke with something sincere to reconnect the tone.

What if I forget my place or start crying

Pause, breathe, and look at your notes. If you need a moment take it. People in the room will wait. If you cannot continue have a friend ready to step in and finish with a short line you have agreed on.

Should I read from my phone

You can but make sure the screen will be visible in the venue and that the device will not ring. Many people prefer printed pages or index cards because they are easier to handle and less likely to fail when emotions are raw.

How long should my speech be

Three to seven minutes is a good target. If others are speaking coordinate times so the service stays on schedule and everyone who wants to share has a chance.