How to Write a Eulogy for Your Adoptive Parent - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for an adoptive parent can feel like walking a tightrope between gratitude, complexity, and your personal story. You might want to honor the person who raised you, acknowledge the role of other family members, or speak about identity and belonging. This guide gives you clear structure, real examples you can adapt, and practical delivery advice. We explain terms you might not know and offer fill in the blank templates to get you started fast.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone preparing to speak about an adoptive parent at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, graveside service, or virtual ceremony. Maybe you are the child who lived with your adoptive parent since infancy. Maybe you were adopted later in life. Maybe you were a foster child who was later adopted or your adoptive parent was also your step parent who completed the adoption. Whatever your situation this guide helps you craft a speech that feels honest and true to your relationship.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech that honors a person who has died. It is usually part of a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is personal, not a list of credentials. It is a story about who the person was and how they mattered to the people in the room.

Terms and acronyms you might see

• Adoptive parent The person who legally adopted and raised you.
• Birth parent The person who gave birth to you. In some families they play a visible role. In others they are not present.
• Open adoption An adoption where birth and adoptive families have some level of contact or exchange of information.
• Closed adoption An adoption where there is no contact and records may be sealed.
• Foster care A temporary arrangement where children are placed with families when their birth parents cannot care for them.
• Kinship care When a relative or close family friend cares for a child instead of the state placing them with unrelated foster parents.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life toward the end of life. Hospice is about support rather than curative treatment.
• Obituary A written notice announcing a death and giving service details and basic biographical facts.
• Order of service The schedule for the event showing when readings and speakers will take place.
• LGBTQ Acronym for lesbian gay bisexual transgender queer or questioning. If your adoptive parent was part of this community you may choose to mention it in a way that honors their identity.

How long should your eulogy be

Aim for three to six minutes. That is usually eight hundred to one thousand spoken words for most people. Short focused speeches often land harder than long ones. If multiple people will speak coordinate time so the service stays on schedule.

Before you write

Do these quick checks before you start drafting.

• Ask about time Confirm with the family or officiant how long you are expected to speak.
• Clarify relationships Find out if birth family members will be present and how they would like to be acknowledged.
• Decide tone Do you want solemn heartfelt funny or a mix? Check with someone close if you are unsure.
• Gather memories Ask siblings friends and extended family for one short story each. Those small memories will make your speech feel lived in.
• Pick three focus points Choose three things you want people to leave remembering about your adoptive parent. Three points give the speech shape and make it easier to write.

Structure that works

A simple shape makes the words easy to deliver and easy for the audience to follow. Use this structure as your default.

• Opening Say who you are and your relation to the deceased. Offer one sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Brief overview of the adoptive parent s life roles like partner parent worker volunteer and community member.
• Personal anecdotes Two short stories that show character. One can be funny and one tender.
• Meaning and lessons What did they teach you and others. How did they shape your life.
• Closing A brief goodbye line a quote a call to action or an invitation to remember them in a certain way.

How to handle adoption details with care

Adoption touches privacy and identity. Decide how much to say based on what the family wants and what feels right to you.

• If adoptions were private respect that privacy.
• If the family had an open adoption and people from both families are present you can acknowledge both sets of parents in a neutral loving way.
• If your adoptive parent raised you from infancy focus on the parenting role rather than the legal details unless those details are important to the story you are telling.
• If your adoption shaped your sense of self mention it honestly without oversharing private details.

Opening examples

• Hello I am Jamie and I am Sarah s son. I am honored to say a few words about the person who taught me to believe I could do anything.
• Good afternoon. My name is Alex. I am the child of Maria who adopted me when I was six. Today I want to tell you two small stories that show how she loved loud and steady.
• Hi everyone. I am Priya. My adoptive parent Ben was the one who brought the music and the mismatched socks into our household. I will miss both dearly.

Life sketch tips

Keep the life sketch short and human. Focus on roles and habits that mattered more than dates. Use simple language.

Example life sketch template

[Name] grew up in [place]. They worked as [job] and later [another role if relevant]. They loved [hobby] and were the person who [small habit]. Most of all they were a parent who [core way they parented].

Stories that stick

Pick stories with a small setup and a clear payoff. Sensory details and one line of why the story matters will keep the memory grounded.

• When I was ten they drove two hours to bring me my lost science project and then stayed to teach me how to explain it out loud. That taught me what showing up looks like.
• They had a rule that Sunday pancakes were for talking not phones. Those mornings taught us to be present with one another.
• On bad days they would make the worst joke possible and then say I mean it which somehow made everything feel fixable.

Examples you can adapt

Example 1: Adoptive mom who raised you from infancy

Hello. I am Maya and I am Lina s child. Lina adopted me when I was a baby and raised me with a steady hand and messy kitchen table conversations. She worked nights sometimes and still managed to learn every Disney song by heart because she knew I needed to hear them. She taught me how to ask for help and how to apologize and mean it. One memory that captures her is the time she sewed my school backpack back together before a big field trip and told me you carry your kindness in the pockets. We will miss her calm voice and her way of making our small house a home. Thank you for being here and remembering her with us.

Example 2: Adoptive dad later in life who became a parent when you were older

Hi. I am Jonah. My dad Mark adopted me when I was thirteen which is an awkward magical age. He did not try to replace anyone. Instead he came with dad jokes and a ridiculous enthusiasm for camping. He showed up at my soccer games even when he did not know much about soccer and he learned to make my favorite curry despite burning it the first three times. He taught me steadiness and how to laugh at yourself. I am grateful for the years we had and the man he was for me.

Example 3: Open adoption where birth family is present

Hello. I am Nora. My family includes my adoptive parent Rachel and my birth parent Leo who is with us today. Rachel was the person who taught me how to braid my hair and how to believe in my voice. Leo gave me the gift of curiosity and a love of the ocean. They both shaped who I am. I am thankful for them in different ways and for the way they chose each other to raise me. Today I want to thank both of them for the gifts they gave me and for teaching me that family can be many people who love you fiercely.

Example 4: Complicated relationship that stays respectful

My name is Sam. My relationship with my adoptive parent was not perfect. We argued a lot over small things and we held on to grudges. In the last few years we found a softer rhythm. They said I am proud of you in a way that felt new. We did not fix everything and we did not need to. I am grateful for the times they were there and for the lessons about boundaries and forgiveness. Thank you for accepting me and for being part of their story today.

Example 5: Celebration of life tone with humor

Hi everyone. I am Rae. To know my adoptive parent Tom was to know either you left your socks on the floor or you learned to pick them up fast. Tom believed in loud laughter and terrible karaoke. He taught us to dance in the kitchen and to never trust a plant that loves direct sunlight. Today we celebrate a life with more stories than I can tell and more laughter than the chapel can hold. Please laugh with us and remember him by doing something silly in his honor.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these to jumpstart your draft. Replace bracketed text and then edit to sound like you.

Template A: Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Adoptive Parent s Name] child. [Adoptive Parent s Name] was the person who [one line about how they parented]. One memory that shows who they were is [brief story]. They taught me [value lesson]. We will miss [something people will notice]. Thank you for being here and for holding their memory with us.

Template B: Open adoption acknowledgment

My name is [Your Name]. Today we are joined by both adoptive and birth family. To [Adoptive Parent s Name] thank you for choosing to be the parent who taught me [skill or trait]. To [Birth Parent s Name] thank you for [gift or trait]. I am thankful for both of you and for the way you made space for love to grow.

Template C: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Adoptive Parent s Name] had its hard parts. We argued about [small example] and we found forgiveness in [how you reconciled or what you learned]. If I could say one thing to them now it would be [short line you want to say].

Choosing tone and humor

Humor is allowed and often welcome. Use small earned jokes that relate to a real story. Avoid jokes that could feel like a put down. Follow a joke with a sincere sentence to come back to the emotional center of the speech.

What to avoid

• Avoid oversharing private family trauma in a way that could hurt people present.
• Avoid long lists of accomplishments without stories to make them human.
• Avoid assuming everyone in the room has the same history or language about adoption. Acknowledge differences with care.
• Avoid lecturing about adoption policy or politics unless that was central to your parent s life and the family agrees.

Delivery tips

• Print your speech Use large font and bring a backup copy. Paper is easier to hold when emotions are high.
• Use cue cards One idea per card keeps you moving and reduces the chance of losing your place.
• Mark pauses Put brackets where you want to breathe and where you expect people to laugh or applaud. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read to someone you trust or record yourself on your phone to hear the rhythm.
• Tissues and water Bring both. A sip of water can steady your voice.
• Ask for support If you think you might need help have a friend ready to step in and finish a sentence if you need them to.

Including readings music and multiple families

If you include a poem choose a short excerpt and give the officiant a copy. If multiple families are present name people respectfully and keep language inclusive. For music choose songs meaningful to the person who died or to the family and keep samples brief so they enhance rather than overwhelm the spoken words.

Logistics to check

• Confirm your time limit with the officiant.
• Tell the funeral home if you need a microphone or will hand out printed copies.
• Give a final copy to the person running the order of service so they can include it in the program or memory book if requested.

After you speak

People will often want a copy. Offer to email it or to add it to a memory book. If family members ask for a recording check with the family before posting anything publicly. Some families prefer privacy and others want the recording to be shared widely. Ask first.

Checklist before you step up to speak

• Confirm time and place with the family or officiant.
• Print at least two copies of your speech and one set of cue cards.
• Practice reading aloud three times at least.
• Mark emotional beats and pauses clearly.
• Bring tissues a glass of water and a friend who can help if needed.

Glossary of useful terms

• Adoptive parent Person who legally adopted and raised a child.
• Birth parent Person who gave birth to the child. Their role in a funeral can vary widely.
• Open adoption Adoption with ongoing contact between birth and adoptive families.
• Closed adoption Adoption where records and contact are sealed or limited.
• Foster care Temporary care arrangement prior to adoption or while birth family sorts things out.
• Hospice Comfort care at end of life.
• Obituary Public notice of a death with details about services and a short biography.

Frequently asked questions

Can I mention the birth parent during the eulogy

You can if it feels appropriate and if the family expects it. Use neutral honorifics and avoid private details. If you are unsure ask a close family member or the officiant before you speak.

What if my adoptive parent and birth parent are both present and do not get along

Keep your remarks focused on the person who died and use inclusive language. You can thank both people for how they contributed to your life without taking sides. The goal is to honor memory not to reopen conflict.

Do I have to use the word adoptive when I speak

No. Use the language that feels right to you and to the family. Many people simply say mom or dad. Others prefer adoptive parent because it feels truthful. Check with family if you are unsure.

What if I am very emotional and cannot finish

Pause and breathe. If you cannot continue ask a friend or family member to finish a line you have written for them. Practicing a backup sentence with someone before the service can be a useful safety net.

Can I use humor

Yes small earned humor that comes from real memories is often welcome. Follow humor with a sincere line to return to the emotional core of the speech.

How do I start if I am nervous

Begin with your name and your relationship. A simple opening buys you a breath to steady. Practice that opening until it feels natural. It will anchor you at the microphone.