How to Write a Eulogy for Your Adoptive Brother - Eulogy Examples & Tips

Writing a eulogy for your adoptive brother is tender and important. You want to honor the person he was, reflect the bond you shared, and speak to people who loved him too. This guide helps you find the right words, gives templates you can adapt, and covers tricky stuff like whether to mention adoption, how to handle complicated feelings, and how to deliver the speech if you feel like you might break down. We explain useful terms so nothing is confusing and we give real examples you can copy and personalize.

Who this guide is for

This article is for anyone preparing to speak about an adoptive brother at a funeral, memorial, celebration of life, graveside service, or online gathering. Maybe you grew up together from childhood. Maybe he joined your family later in life. Maybe your relationship was messy in a human way. There are examples for quiet, funny, raw, and short needs.

What is a eulogy

A eulogy is a short speech that honors a person who has died. It usually appears during a funeral or memorial service. A eulogy is different from an obituary. An obituary is a written notice that gives dates and service details. A eulogy is personal. It is a story. It is allowed to be imperfect.

Terms you might see

• Obituary A published notice about a death that usually includes biographical details and funeral arrangements.
• Order of service The schedule for a funeral or memorial listing readings, music, and speakers.
• Pallbearer A person chosen to carry the casket. They are usually close family or friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that often focuses on stories, photos, and shared memories.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort for people nearing the end of life. Hospice is about quality of life rather than curing illness.
• Open adoption An adoption where birth family and adoptive family have some level of contact or information exchange.
• Closed adoption An adoption where identifying information between birth family and adoptive family is sealed.
• Kinship care When a child is raised by relatives or family friends rather than biological parents.

Should you mention adoption in the eulogy

There is no single correct answer. Mention adoption if it feels central to your brother s story or to the relationship you shared. For some families adoption was a quiet fact. For others it shaped identity, longings, reunions, or complicated emotions. If you decide to mention it, do so simply and respectfully. You can say that he was adopted and that it shaped his life without making adoption the only thing the eulogy is about.

Examples of brief mentions

• He was adopted into our family when he was six and from that day on he claimed every backyard barbecue as his own.
• Adoption was part of his story but not the center of his life. He loved soccer, terrible sci fi movies, and midnight ramen.
• He searched for his roots and he was also deeply ours. That balance is part of what made him thoughtful and brave.

How long should a eulogy be

Aim for three to seven minutes. That is usually 400 to 800 spoken words. Short and focused is often more powerful than long and meandering. If multiple people are speaking, coordinate to keep the service on schedule.

Before you start writing

Gathering your material makes the first draft much easier. Use this quick plan.

• Check time Confirm with family or the officiant how long you should speak and where you fit in the order of service.
• Decide the tone Do you want it to be solemn, celebratory, funny, honest, or a mix? Ask people close to your brother if you are uncertain.
• Collect memories Ask siblings, parents, and friends for one memory each. Specific moments are more helpful than vague praise.
• Choose three focus points Pick three things you want people to remember about him. Three is small enough to hold and big enough to create shape.
• Be mindful of privacy Avoid unprocessed family drama or private medical details unless the family agrees.

Structure that works

Use a simple structure to keep the speech clear and memorable.

• Opening Say who you are and your relationship to your brother. Offer one sentence that sets the tone.
• Life sketch Give a brief overview of his life in a few practical strokes. Focus on roles and personality rather than a list of achievements.
• Anecdotes Tell one or two short stories that reveal him. Keep them concrete and sensory.
• Traits and lessons Summarize what he taught you or what people will miss.
• Closing Offer a final line, a short quote, a poem excerpt, or an invitation for the audience to share memories.

Choosing the tone when adoption is part of the story

If adoption played a big role you can choose different tones depending on the family dynamic. If adoption brought joy and belonging, a celebratory tone works. If adoption included searching or complexity, an honest tone that acknowledges those feelings is appropriate. Empathy for different family members matters most.

Examples of tone choices

• Celebratory: He was adopted at two and he never stopped loving pizza nights and our chaotic family dinners.
• Honest and gentle: Adoption shaped his sense of curiosity about identity. That curiosity led him to travel, to ask questions, and to be patient with himself.
• Reserved: Adoption was part of his life story. Today we remember the everyday ways he showed up for people.

Anecdotes that make a eulogy sing

Stories stick. Pick one or two memories with a clear setup and a small payoff. Keep them under a minute each when spoken aloud. Sensory details like a smell, a sound, or a small action make the story feel immediate.

Good anecdote examples

• He had a habit of stealing the good pen from your desk and leaving a Post it apology. Once I found a whole stack of stolen pens under his mattress. He called it his emergency stationery stash.
• When he learned how to cook he sent his first attempt over with the note I made this so you do not have to. It was burned but he was proud and we ate it anyway and ate it like love.
• He loved birds. When we scattered his ashes last month a flock of gulls came over the water and circled like they were reading the program. It felt like a small improbable blessing.

Addressing complicated relationships

Relationships with adoptive siblings can be layered. You might have gratitude mixed with anger or distance mixed with deep love. You are allowed to hold complexity. Speak truthfully without weaponizing private grievances. A short honest line about complexity is often enough.

Examples for complicated relationships

• We did not always get along. We were stubborn in different ways. In the end we found a quiet respect and a handful of shared jokes that I will miss.
• He left before we could fix everything between us. I am sad about that. I also remember the small moments where he showed up and I am grateful for those.
• Our relationship was not perfect. Still he taught me patience and how to apologize and how to forgive something small and human.

Using humor the right way

Humor can be a lifeline. Use small earned jokes that reveal character rather than embarrass others. Test anything that is risky with a trusted family member first.

Safe humor examples

• He had a rule that Sunday was for wearing socks that did not match. He claimed it was a style choice. We called it the weak rebellion era.
• He believed cereal could be dinner if you called it comfort cuisine. He will forever be the patron saint of midnight bowls.

What to avoid in a eulogy

• Do not turn the eulogy into a therapy session or a public airing of grievances.
• Do not read out long lists of achievements without stories to humanize them.
• Do not include graphic medical details or anything that could embarrass family present.
• Avoid cliches unless you immediately give a specific detail that makes the line real.

Full eulogy examples you can adapt

Below are complete examples. Replace bracketed text with your details and say them out loud to check rhythm and length.

Example 1: Simple and loving, three to four minute version

Hello. I am Jamie. I am Alex s sister and I have the small honor of saying a few words about him.

Alex joined our family when he was five. From the start he had a way of crawling into every photo and stealing the show with a crooked grin. He worked as a graphic designer and he loved making things look surprisingly clean and oddly joyful. He had a laugh that started in his chest and then filled the room.

One short story that captures him is about his infamous camping trip. He forgot the tent stakes and decided the tent could be held down by stubbornness alone. It rained at two in the morning and we spent a soggy, laughing hour propping the tent with hiking boots. He apologized with a thermos of coffee the next morning and a drawing of a hero bear. That was him in a nutshell pragmatic, apologetic, creative, and always bringing you coffee when things went sideways.

He taught us to notice small joys and to keep doing what you love even if it pays little. He loved us with practical jokes, terrible puns, and the quiet way of being the first to show up. I will miss his jokes and his hands ready to help. Thank you for being here and for holding him in your memory.

Example 2: Short modern eulogy under two minutes

Hi everyone. I am Sam. My brother, Marcus, loved bad sci fi, loud playlists, and reheating pizza like a culinary experiment. He was our first friend to ever teach us how bravery can be messy and kind. I will remember his tenacity and his terrible guitar playing. Thank you for being here.

Example 3: Honest and complicated

My name is Nora. Marcus was my adoptive brother. Our relationship was not perfect. We pushed buttons and occasionally broke each others trust. In the last year we talked more than we had in years and found small places of repair. He told me once that family was an argument you could win by showing up. I am grateful he showed up. I am sad he is gone. I will hold onto the good pieces and carry them forward.

Example 4: Celebration of life tone with humor

Hello. I am Malik, his older brother by a few minutes on paper and by decades in sarcasm. Marcus had two certainties in life. One, he loved matching socks when no one was looking. Two, he believed every situation could be improved by a jump scare and a song from the eighties. He made us laugh and he made us feel safe in unexpected ways. Today we celebrate that chaotic, loud, soft part of him. Eat the questionable casserole he brought last week and toast his memory with a terrible song. He would have wanted that.

Fill in the blank templates

Use these templates as a base. Fill in the blanks and then edit until it sounds like you. Read out loud to test flow.

Template A: Classic short

My name is [Your Name]. I am [Brother s Name] sibling. [Brother s Name] joined our family when he was [age or life stage]. He loved [hobby or passion], worked as [job], and was the person we called when [small task or habit]. One memory that shows who he was is [brief story]. He taught me [value or lesson]. We will miss [what people will miss]. Thank you for being here with us.

Template B: For complicated relationships

My name is [Your Name]. My relationship with [Brother s Name] had hard parts. We argued about [small example] and sometimes we did not speak for months. Over time we found ways to be together. One thing I will always remember is [positive memory]. If I could say one thing now it would be [short message].

Template C: Light and funny with sincerity

Hi. I am [Your Name]. To know [Brother s Name] was to know his obsession with [quirky habit]. He also loved [practical skill]. My favorite memory is [funny small story]. He made us laugh and he made us better at [small domestic skill]. I will miss his jokes and his weirdly effective pancake flipping. Thank you.

Practical tips for delivery

Speaking while grieving is hard. These tips keep you steady.

• Print your speech Use large font. Paper is less distracting than a phone when emotions are high.
• Use cue cards Index cards with one or two lines on each card are easy to manage and reduce the chance of losing your place.
• Mark pauses Put a bracket where you want to breathe or where the audience will laugh. Pauses give you time to regroup.
• Practice out loud Read to a friend, a mirror, or to your dog. Practice helps your throat know what to expect.
• Bring tissues Or a handkerchief. If you need a moment, breathe, swallow, and continue. The audience will wait.
• Ask for help If you think you will not get through it, arrange for someone to introduce you and to step in if needed.
• Mic technique Keep the microphone a few inches from your mouth and speak at a normal volume. If there is no mic, speak slowly and project to the back row.

When you feel like you might cry while reading

If tears come, that is okay. Pause, breathe, look at your notes, and continue when you can. If your voice breaks slow down. Saying fewer words more slowly is often more powerful. Remember everyone in the room is human and will understand.

How to include readings, poems, and music

Short excerpts work best. Pick a two to four line poem or a short lyric that mattered to your brother. Confirm the officiant is comfortable with the piece. If you plan music, discuss whether live music or recorded music works best at the venue.

Music choices

• Pick songs your brother loved or tracks that match the event tone.
• Keep music short and place it where it supports the speech like before the eulogy or as a brief interlude after a powerful line.
• If you want to include a playlist online create a shared link rather than streaming the whole set during the service unless approved.

Logistics and who to tell

• Tell the funeral director if you need a microphone or printed copies.
• Confirm with the officiant where you will stand and how long you can speak.
• Give a copy of the eulogy to the person running the service so it can be included in programs or memory books if desired.

Recording the eulogy and sharing it

Ask family permission before posting any recording online. Some families want privacy. If sharing is agreed, provide a short note about where donations will go if applicable and how people can share memories privately.

Glossary of useful terms and acronyms

• Eulogy A speech given at a funeral or memorial to honor the person who has died.
• Obituary A written notice that announces a death and usually includes service details.
• Order of service The plan for the funeral or memorial listing the sequence of events.
• Pallbearer Person chosen to carry the casket. They are usually family or close friends.
• Celebration of life A less formal gathering that focuses on stories and photos rather than rituals.
• Hospice Care focused on comfort and quality of life for someone nearing the end of life.
• Open adoption An adoption with some contact between birth family and adoptive family.
• Closed adoption An adoption where identifying information is sealed.
• RSVP Abbreviation for the French phrase respond s il vous plait which means please respond. Used on invitations to ask people to confirm attendance.

Frequently asked questions

Should I mention that he was adopted in the eulogy

Mention adoption if it feels important to his story or to your relationship. Keep it simple and respectful. You do not have to make adoption the focus unless it shaped his life in a meaningful way.

How long should my eulogy be

Three to seven minutes is a good target. That is usually 400 to 800 spoken words. Short, specific memories are more memorable than long lists of facts.

What if our relationship was complicated

Be honest but kind. Acknowledge complexity with a short line and then focus on one or two memories or lessons. You do not need to resolve everything in public.

Can I use humor in a eulogy

Yes. Small earned humor that reveals character is usually welcome. Avoid jokes that might embarrass the deceased or different family members.

Can multiple siblings speak together

Yes. You can coordinate a shared speech where each sibling reads a paragraph or you can each speak separately. Agree on tone and timing so the service stays on schedule.

What if I cry and cannot continue

Pause and breathe. If you need help have a family member ready to step in and finish. Many people keep remarks short to make this easier.