Who Should Deliver The Eulogy

When a loved one passes away, one of the most important decisions to make is who should deliver the eulogy at the funeral or memorial service. This decision has the potential to significantly impact how the ceremony honours the deceased, and it can be a particularly challenging choice for families in mourning. In this article, we explore the factors to consider when deciding who should deliver the eulogy and provide guidance on making this meaningful and deeply personal choice.

Factors to Consider When Choosing a Eulogy Speaker

Relationship with the Deceased

The person delivering the eulogy should have a strong and genuine connection with the deceased. This could be a family member, a close friend, or even a colleague who had a profound impact on the decedent's life. Ultimately, the person should be able to speak about the individual with genuine affection and insight, sharing stories and memories that capture the essence of who they were.

Public Speaking Skills

Delivering a eulogy can be an incredibly emotional and challenging experience. The speaker should have some level of comfort and confidence when speaking in public, as this will help them communicate the deceased's story effectively and with poise. If the person has limited public speaking experience, they might consider seeking support or guidance from a professional speechwriter or resource like Eulogy Assistant to help them craft a moving and well-structured eulogy.

Emotional Resilience

While it's natural for emotions to run high during a eulogy, the person delivering the speech must be able to maintain their composure throughout the address. It's essential for the speaker to acknowledge and express their emotions, but they should also be able to manage their feelings to ensure the eulogy remains clear and focused.

Common Choices for Eulogy Speakers

• Family Members: Often, close family members like spouses, children, siblings or parents deliver the eulogy. These individuals typically have the deepest understanding of the deceased's life and can speak most passionately about their relationship, memories, and love for the person who has passed away.
• Friends: In cases where the deceased had a close-knit circle of friends, it might be most meaningful for a trusted confidant to deliver the eulogy. These speakers may provide a unique perspective on the person's life, sharing stories and memories from their shared experiences together.
• Religious or Spiritual Leaders: For some families, having a religious or spiritual leader deliver the eulogy is the right choice. This individual can provide comfort through meaningful religious or spiritual words and stories while still highlighting the deceased's unique qualities and accomplishments.
• Colleagues: In cases where the deceased's professional or volunteer life played a significant role in their identity, having a colleague deliver the eulogy can be a poignant way to honour their accomplishments and values.

Who Should Deliver The Eulogy Example:

An Example of a Family's Decision-Making Process

When Laura's father passed away, the family was unsure who should deliver the eulogy at his memorial service. After discussing their options, they decided that Laura and her brother, who both had strong public speaking skills and deep connections with their father, would co-write and deliver the eulogy together. This decision meant they could both contribute their unique perspectives and stories, as well as support each other emotionally during the service.

Laura and her brother reached out to Eulogy Assistant for guidance and support in crafting their father's eulogy. The resource provided them with the tools and structure they needed to create a poignant, engaging speech that truly reflected their father's life and spirit. Their eulogy was heartfelt, memorable, and received tremendous praise from attendees as a fitting tribute to their beloved father.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech given during a funeral or memorial service that pays tribute to the deceased, celebrating their life and sharing memories and accomplishments. It is an important way to honor the person who has passed and provide comfort to those grieving.

Who is typically responsible for delivering a eulogy?

Traditionally, a close family member or a dear friend of the deceased is chosen to deliver the eulogy. In some cases, a religious leader or a professional celebrant may also take on this role.

Can multiple people deliver a eulogy?

Yes, it is not uncommon for multiple people to share the responsibility and deliver separate eulogies, each offering different perspectives and anecdotes about the deceased's life.

How do I decide who should deliver the eulogy?

Deciding who should deliver the eulogy depends on various factors, including the wishes of the deceased if known, the closeness of the relationship with the deceased, and the comfort and willingness of the person to speak publicly during such an emotional time. It is important to choose someone who knew the deceased well and can speak from the heart.

Is it appropriate for a colleague to deliver a eulogy?

Absolutely. If the deceased had a close relationship with colleagues or was known for their professional life, a colleague might be well-placed to deliver a eulogy that captures that aspect of their life.

What if the person chosen is too emotional to deliver the eulogy?

If the person chosen is overwhelmed by grief, another family member, friend, or a professional can step in. Some people also choose to write the eulogy and have someone else read it on their behalf.

Should I prepare the eulogy in advance?

Preparing the eulogy in advance is generally advised. It provides the speaker with an opportunity to organize their thoughts, ensure they cover what they want to say, and practice the delivery for a more polished and composed presentation.

How long should the eulogy be?

A typical eulogy lasts between 5 to 10 minutes, but there is no strict rule. It should be long enough to adequately honor the deceased without being so long that it becomes burdensome for listeners.

What are the key elements to include in a eulogy?

A eulogy often includes aspects such as a brief history of the deceased's life, their character traits, significant life events, accomplishments, shared memories, and their impact on the lives of others.

Can the eulogy be delivered by a non-family member?

Yes, a eulogy can be delivered by anyone who knew the deceased well, regardless of whether they are family members. The key is the personal connection and ability to speak to the life and character of the deceased.

Is there a specific format or structure to follow for a eulogy?

While there is no set format, a eulogy typically starts with an introduction, followed by a recollection of the person's life, their relationships, and their impact, concluding with a farewell or a meaningful quote or message.

Can children deliver a eulogy?

Children can deliver a eulogy if they felt close to the deceased and wish to do so. Care should be taken to ensure they are comfortable with public speaking and understand the significance of the occasion.

How personal should the eulogy be?

The eulogy should be as personal as the speaker is comfortable with, sharing genuine sentiments and personal stories that truly reflect the essence of the deceased.

Is it okay to include humor in a eulogy?

Humor can be a beautiful and humanizing element in a eulogy, provided it is tasteful, appropriate, and reflects the personality of the deceased. It can often provide moments of light-heartedness in an otherwise somber occasion.

Can the eulogy be written in a poetic or unconventional form?

Yes, the eulogy may be composed in any form that the speaker feels best honors the deceased, including poetry. The style should align with both the spirit of the person being remembered and the audience attending the service.

What if no one feels capable of delivering a eulogy?

In the event that no one feels up to the task, a family member can ask a clergy member, a celebrant, or even a close family friend. Some funerals proceed without a traditional eulogy, instead allowing open sharing from those in attendance.

Should the eulogy include readings or quotes?

Incorporating readings or quotes can add depth and resonance to a eulogy, especially if they were meaningful to the deceased or convey sentiments that align with their life or philosophy.

Can a eulogy be delivered virtually?

With the advent of technology and especially due to events like the global pandemic, virtual delivery of a eulogy has become more common. This can be live-streamed or pre-recorded depending on the circumstances.

Is it necessary to memorize the eulogy?

Memorizing the eulogy is not necessary and often not recommended since emotions can run high. Having a written copy or notes can help maintain focus and ensure that all important points are covered.

How can someone overcome nerves when delivering a eulogy?

To overcome nerves, it's helpful to practice the eulogy multiple times, breathe deeply, and remember that the audience is supportive and understanding. It's also reassuring to remember the purpose of the eulogy is to honor someone loved, not to perform.

Is it common to become emotional while delivering a eulogy?

It is very common and perfectly acceptable to show emotion during a eulogy. Grieving is a natural process, and showing emotion can be cathartic for both the speaker and the listeners, creating a moment of shared feeling and reflection.

Choosing the right person to deliver a eulogy is a deeply personal and meaningful decision. By carefully considering factors such as the speaker's relationship with the deceased, their public speaking skills, and their emotional resilience, families can make a choice that honours their loved one in the most heartfelt and impactful way. If you need assistance in crafting a eulogy or selecting a speaker for your loved one's memorial service, Eulogy Assistant is here to help. We encourage you to explore our other guides and resources to support you during this emotional time, and we invite you to share this article with others who may also benefit.